Unbelievable poison filled anonymous letter to the Mother with an autistic son results in positive outcome

Actors and musicians Lennon and Maisy tweeted this letter with the caption: “A close family friend has an autistic boy and this was an anonymous letter slipped under her door. This is real.”

 You spend your day dealing with everyday stuff, work, kids, life.  Things are a bit more difficult because your much loved 13 year old son has sever autism.  You struggle everyday to meet the needs of your autistic child.  Most people don't understand your struggles, how hard it is some days to see the child you love live in a world you just cannot reach.  But somehow you keep on going, keep on loving and giving your child everything you can.  You receive an anonymous hate filled letter saying horrible things about your son and you.  Why because your beloved child makes too much noise for one of your neighbors.  

It breaks your heart to read the poison someone felt it appropriate to write.  Someone who does not have the guts to come and talk to you face to face.  They know what they are saying is wrong so they hope to hurt the Mom as they hid behind anonymity.  What a coward.  How can someone write this garbage and not realize how stupid it makes them look.  I guess they only thought about hurting this family.  Well it worked for a little bit, than the Mother started talking and sharing with her friends (Lennon and Maisy) who took a very vocal stand.  This is not acceptable and we will not hid in the dark and let this slid hopping it will go away.  Nope they made sure the world saw this letter, and gave the power back to the victim, not the "anonymous" writer full of hate.  

Now most of the world is taking a stand to support the family with the autistic son, not the letter writer.  Not the outcome you were expecting anonymous one pissed off mother.  So now you have to suck it up and pretend to support the family, and the child you hate so much as everyone cries for your head.  You must be praying that you are never found out to be "one pissed off Mother".  So now instead of your victims hiding their home, fearful of what you will do next, worrying if it is safe for their son to play outside, you are hiding in fear.  And you have something to fear.  People hate you, really hate you, for what you did.  They feel sorry for your children and believe you need some serious mental health help. How pathetic are you that you have to lash out against an innocent child and his family?  It is not going to be pretty when you are found out.  We all know you don't want people to know who you are.  You didn't want to face the consequences of your poison letter when it was just you against this family.  Now it is the world against you, how are you going to deal with the consequences of that.  Eventually everyone is going to know who you are and what you did.

I find it funny that a letter full of hate and poison brings the world together to support the family that received it.  It brings to light autism, and the struggles of family's with autistic children.  Instead of making the family hid their autistic 13 year old son they stand proud, in public, with him.  As they should.  And now there are millions of people willing to stand right there beside them, with the son you hate so much.  The truth be told maybe we should be thanking you.  The letter you wrote in anger and hate has created love and support.  It has brought autism to the attention of the world.  Now people will know the world supports them, and their autistic children, not people like you.  Sure life is still going to be difficult, yes it is still sad their children are not able to live their lives like everyone else.  But now maybe people will not get so upset or avoid people with autism, maybe they will sit and talk to the Mother or Dad with that child and give them a smile and some much needed support.  Why all because you wrote such a ridiculously hate filled letter  that makes people re-evaluate their reactions and feelings.  Maybe people will change for the better simply because they don't want to be like you "a pissed off mother".

Hot toys for boys 7 to 9 in 2011 – Christmas and Birthday gift ideas

Every boy is different, but there are some common gift ideas that most boys between 7 and 9 would like to receive. The good thing about kids between 7 and 9, they usually are more than willing to let us know what they would like for their Birthday or Christmas.

1. This year video games, computer games and game consoles are on the top of most boys 7 to 9 Christmas or birthday gift lists. The Wii and Xbox Kinect are both popular this year. Hand held game systems are also popular such as Nintendo 3DS. The real problem I have is not finding the games boys 7 to 9 want as Christmas or birthday gifts, but finding ones that are ok to give to them. They seem to want games that are rated for 10+, 13+ and even 18+.

Top video games are going to depend on the system or console they have. On computers the new Star Wars The Old Republic MMORPG is being released Dec. 20, 2012. Star Wars has been popular for generations. So both parents and children are interested in Star Wars - The Old Republic MMORPG. Even though this game is not considered a children’s game many parents are buying it for their children and getting them monthly subscriptions. There are many guilds that include family groups. Kids and parents are both playing. I have been lucky enough to see the game being played by my husband and son as part of the beta testing. From what I have seen the game is amazing, and does the Star Wars legacy proud. However, if children are playing it they may need a parents help unless they are already experienced MMORPG players. You may be able to control what your children do, but you cannot control the other players your kids may come across. Fortunately the game is set up so that kids and adults alike can play in a player verses environment instead of player versus player environment.

The Wii always has several popular games available. I do think that The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword is going to be a big hit this year. The limited edition bundle with the special Wii remote will probably be extremely popular. Any and all of the Lego Wii games are popular. The Harry Potter 5 -7 will be popular, but I think more because it is a Lego Wii game then because it is a Harry Potter game. Happy Feet Two: The Videogame looks like a lot of fun and so does Puss in Boots. Jaws Ultimate Predator is for teens. Many boys may have this on their Christmas or birthday gift list because they love anything to do with sharks. This has a Teen rating for a reason and should be checked out by the parent before ever letting their son play it. Though I can clearly see why it would be popular with 7 to 9 year old boys.

Xbox Kinect has many games that are of interest. However, Halo is still the game boys seem to want. I think it is too old for them, but for some reason it is very popular with 7 to 9 year olds who have been shown the game. I know my son has been asking for two years to get an Xbox so he can play Halo. There are quite a few other games on the Xbox that 7 to 9 year olds, and older, boys have on their birthday and Christmas gift lists.

2. Hot Wheels wall tracks have got to be one of the more popular toys for boys 7 to 9 this year. They are great, with a starter set and two extra expansion kits. The best part is that they can be moved around, be put up, taken down and put up again. It even looks like it can be easily set up and taken down. I think they are perfect for people with limited room. I know my son loves Hot Wheels. This would be perfect for him. It looks like a lot of fun, and the best part is there is no real clean up when he is done. The cars get put away, and the track stays where it is, up off the floor for the most part. It is not all over the place and because it is on the wall it is less likely that parts are going to go missing.

3. Lightsabers are still big with 7 to 9 year olds. There are new lightsabers out ever year, usually just in time for Christmas. With the popularity of Star Wars it is not surprising that Lightsabers are on many Christmas and birthday gift lists.

4. Lego. The joy of Lego is that there are so many different kits that you can find one for just about any kid. You can find theme items like Star Wars, Ninjas, Cars, Transformers and just about anything else in Lego. There are castles, dragons and even pirate ships. It is difficult not to find a great Christmas or birthday gift in Lego. Also when kids have a lot of kits they can always use the basic box of Lego to build even more stuff. This year the hottest Lego Christmas gift are the Lego advent calendars, the Lego City Advent Calendar and the Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar both have a lot to offer. However, they are going quick. If you want a Lego Advent Calendar you need to buy it early.

5. Yu Gi Oh and other collector or game cards are still popular. There are always new collector game cards coming out. Always check with kids which cards they are into now. It seems to change in the blink of an eye. Also some boys will not be interested in cards anymore, even though they were asking for them just a few weeks ago. My son and his friends still play Yu Gi Oh and have not moved on to the “newest” cards. There is a Wii Yu Gi Oh game out, Yu Gi Oh 5D’s Duel Transer. This came out last year and can be found on sale. It can still make a great Christmas or Birthday gift for boys who love Yu Gi Oh and have a Wii.

6. Bayblade Metal Masters is creating new interest in Bayblades. Bayblades Metal Fusion is becoming more popular again, now that they have the TV show and real live Beyblade battle competitions. There is a huge variety of Bayblade Metal Fusion toys available.

7. Bakugan is still popular. It combines a toy and cards in the game. There are always new cards and actual Bakugan. However, I have noticed a decrease in popularity. I am not sure how much longer this toy/game is going to last. I do think that Bayblades are becoming more popular.

8. Though many boys 7 to 9 may not admit it, Build a Bear is still fun.

I am sure I will come up with more great Birthday and Christmas gifts for boys 7 to 9. Right now Star Wars is the biggest thing in my home. For others families it will be Transformers or other themes. I do find it interesting how many children are being given the new cell phones. They are really mini handheld computers. People like them because they can load music and movies onto them, or go online and play games. I can see that it is like having a phone, hand held game system, computer, camera, GPS tracker and more all in one. I know my son is not ready for one, but some 7 to 9 year olds are.

Not a deadbeat Dad but a sometimes Dad

We all hear about the deadbeat Dad’s but what about the ones that are not. The ones who miss their kids and want to be full time everyday Dad’s who only get to be sometime Dad’s. The ones who have to watch as their kids call someone else Daddy, someone they spend everyday with and he only gets the odd weekend and phone calls. Men who struggle with the lost of time with their children. Time they can never make up on a weekend or over the phone. Someone else is giving them bath time, reading stories at night, doing monster hunts, fixing boo boo’s and holding their hand as they walk to school.

One day “Bob” came home to his common-law wife only to be told that she was not happy anymore, did not love him anymore and that she had packed his bag and he was to leave. Their son was being babysat because she did not what him to see the fight and Bob leave. So Bob went from being a Daily Dad to a sometimes Dad in a blink of an eye. Now he was homeless, without his family and at a complete loss. He moved in with friends for a few days as he tried to work things out with his wife. They all thought it would only be for a few days, but no.

Eventually he found a place to live and a job. He agreed to help out his sister, a single mom, who needed someone to watch her children when she went to school. He needed a place to live and she could supply that. It was with the understanding that this was only until he could work things out with his wife. Unfortunately it was not in the same town as his ex and son, but as he said “It is not like I am getting to spend any time with my son as it is, she will not let me see him.”

It has been a few months now and his wife just told him that she is already moving on with her life and so should he. The guy that was just a friend turns out to have been more then just a friend. He is devastated. He misses spending time with his son. He never gets to see him because he lives in another town and has no car. On top of that she is not being that co-operative. She cut Bob out of her life and does not understand what the problem is, so what if that means he does not get to see his son anymore.

It is eating this man up from the inside out. It is killing him. He is missing being able to read stories at bedtime and just playing with his son. He is going to miss out on being his son’s hero, to teach him to ride a bike, tie his shoes, and everything else that is part of being a father. Halloween is coming up and he will not be there to help his son find the right costume, or go trick or treating. Then Christmas. He does not even know what he son would like, and has no way of talking to him to find out. He does not know if his son will even know the gift was from him or will she just say it is from Santa. He is quickly becoming a stranger to his own son, a little boy he loves with all his hart.

How do you go from holding your son’s hand as he goes to sleep to not seeing him at all? How will his son know him, and know that he loves him if he is not part of his life?

Until I met this man and have seen what this has been doing to him over the last few months I never thought about what it was like for the father when families go wrong. I always saw single Mom’s talking about deadbeat Dad’s. Who sees the other side of the fence, the fathers struggling with being separated from their children? It is easy to see the single Mom and identify with her, but it is harder to see and identify the man who is torn up inside because it has been a week since he last saw his kids and he will not get to see them for another week, or the men who don’t get to see their kids at all.

I am not saying that there are not deadbeat Dad’s. My own father was one. I am just saying that it is a horrible thing to be separated from your children whether you are a man or a woman. Dad’s can and do feel anguish and sorrow over the loss of their time with their children. The moments and memories they are not going to have and struggle with being a sometimes Dad, trying to make the most out of what little time they have. How can you develop a relationship with your children if you don’t get to be a part of their lives?

*Bob is not his real name, I used that to protect his privacy.

Why have the Sex talk with a five-year-old boy?

I have been getting some very strange questions from my 5 year old and I had to really think about my answers. I had to decide if I should just give some meaningless answer or actually give him some information, and if I gave him information how much. I also had to think about what other questions my answers would give him.

During bath time he asked:

What are balls?
What is inside balls?
Does Mommy have Balls? Why not?
Does Daddy have balls?
Where do babies come from?
What is sperm?
How do babies get inside Mommies?
What is sex?

It started out easy, “What are balls?” and then became progressively harder as my answers gave him questions I was not sure I was ready to give uncomplicated answers to. I gave honest answers trying to keep it as simple as possible until he reached a point where the answers became too complicated for him to understand. At that point I used redirect to get him back to his bath and gave myself some time to think before the next set of questions. I want to get the information across without having to get into details and that is not an easy thing to do.

So why give a five year old real answers? It is a lot easer to provide information now that will be stepping stones for him to learn about himself, his body and sex, as he gets older. If he is looking for information now, then now is when to give it. It makes it easer to have conversations latter on when he older and ready for more information. I have to start thinking about strategies now so I can be ready when he is. I cannot say that I would be the type to buy an adult magazine and use that to answer questions, but I can see me finding some medical books and using those when he is older. It is still the same information but presented in a different way. There is a fine line between providing answers and resources about sex and corrupting a minor.

Dealing with death and young children

When someone close to your family dies you have a lot to deal with. First you have your own grief. At the same time you need to be aware of how the death is affecting your child or children. How do you explain death to them? Do you let them say goodbye? Do you take them to the viewing and or funeral or keep them away from it all? It all depends on the child.

In the last year I know several families all dealing the deaths. They all handled it differently. Several different scenarios occurred, all with upsides and downsides.

1) Grandma died. It was explained to the children that Grandma was in heaven. They decided not to take their kids to the funeral or the viewing. The little girl keeps asking when Grandma is coming back from heaven. The little boy is angry because he did not get to say goodbye to Grandma like everyone else. Looking back the family thinks that they should have taken the kids to the funeral and possibly to viewing so that they could see that Grandma was dead and say goodbye.

2) An uncle died. The three boys want to go to the funeral and say goodbye. They did not get to say goodbye when other family members had passed on and they are upset about it. Mom is concerned about dealing with inappropriate behavior at the funeral. That they are going to be asking a lot of questions and are not going to be quiet and respectful. She is expecting to be embarrassed because her boys are disruptive of others morning. She would like to keep them home in respect for others at the funeral. It is a conflict because she also knows her boys don’t just want to say goodbye, they need to. They have had a real time understanding that other family members are dead, they never saw the body, and did not get to say goodbye. The older boy is actually angry that he did not get to see and say goodbye to Grandpa when he died a year ago. He needs some type of closure, and talking to him about it is just not enough. At this point she is planning to take them to the funeral because her boys need this and other people will just have to understand that they are children dealing with a loss as well.

3) Grandpa died. The boy wants to go to the viewing and say goodbye, the girl does not want to see the body. He wants to go to the funeral she does not. The single Mom had to decide what to do, leave one home with a babysitter, make both stay or both go. She decided to take the boy to the viewing, and both to the funeral to say goodbye. She felt it gave both kids closure and that if the girl had not gone she would have regretted it latter. Both kids had questions about death and the funeral, all of which the Mom tried to deal with before they got to the funeral. She decided to talk the kids through the funeral before they went. She told them what to expect, what people would be doing and what was expected of them. This helped out a lot. It took away the girls fear, and answered the boy’s questions. It gave them time to be comfortable with the funeral. There were a lot of what happens when you die, and why do people die questions. The pre talk actually helped a lot, and started to give the kids closure even before they went to the funeral. It was very hard on the Mom.

As much as we would like to protect our children from the reality of death, it seems that they need closure as much as we do. In our own grief it can be hard to see that. We don’t want to have to deal with it, and think our children will be unable to deal with it. That dealing with death will harm them somehow. We think that we are protecting them by keeping them away from viewings or funerals.

Yet we already know that kids need to say goodbye just as much as we do. Look what happens when a pet dies. Often we will have some goodbye ceremony, a funeral (if possible) and some type of morning. If this is what we need to do for a pet then we need to do the same when it is a person. It is a type of closure. Many children are unable to accept that someone has died until they see the body, or the funeral.

That does not mean it is going to be easy. I heard quite a few horror stories of kids being scared of the body and having nightmares for weeks. Another kid kept asking when Grandma was going to jump out of the box and yell surprise. She was quite upset when they actually buried the casket because Grandma was in there. How was she going to get out? Another kid yelled boo and wake up at the body and tried to poke it. Grandpa was just sleeping and he was trying to wake him up. It is all very stressful for everyone involved. You cannot give into your grief because you have to deal with your kids and that just makes it even harder on you.

So in one way it may be easer on us the parents to leave the kids at home. However, it seems not going to the funeral is more stressful for the kids and possibly more stressful for the parents in the long run. It is all going to comedown to what you the parent thinks is going to be best for your child.

Finding 5 minutes to play with your kids

We are all good at finding reasons for why we cannot find time to play with our kids. There is never anytime to get everything we need to get done in the day let alone play. I personally find this to be my weakness as a parent. I can supervise with the best of them but struggle to make time to play with my kids.

Yet I know that just taking the time to play with them has way more benefits then not. I know giving them five to ten minutes of playtime with me a day increases their positive behaviors and actually frees more time for me. But I still struggle to remember to make the time. It is difficult for me to play, not instruct or supervise.

At one point I actually scheduled playtime in my day timer. That worked for a bit and then other things started to interfere with it. It is summer and all the kids want to do is play outside with their friends. By the time the come in it is dinner, bath, story, and then bed time. When do I fit playtime in there with out disrupting the routine? They get hyper when we play and it is not conducive for an easy bedtime, they just want to keep playing. Now 5 minutes is not a lot of time and should be easy to fit into the day.

I realized today that I have the perfect opportunity for playtime several times a day. We wait for the bus every morning for 10 to 15 minutes. We play pirates on the bench at the bus stop. Today they each took a stuffy with them and we played a game with them. It was easy to do and it was a lot more fun then just sitting there. What do I care about what the other people at the bus stop think; I am spending time with my kids. Added bonus was that because the kids were playing with me I did not have to worry about them getting to close to the road or picking up who knows what off the ground. It made it easer and fun for all of us. This is gong to work for us.

I finally figured out that it does not have to be formal playtime on the floor with toys or at the table with play dough. We can play anytime and any place. I think it will be easer to go shopping with them because we can now make a game out of it, and play. Instead of me telling them to keep up, keep your hands to yourself, get back here, don’t touch that. We can play I spy, pirates looking for a treasure (some item on the shopping list), or just about anything the kids can come up with. Trust me they can come up with way better ideas then I can. Bus rides and waiting for the bus, or standing in line are now times to play.

Summer Birthday Party ideas for boys 4, 5 and 6 years old

Summer is a great time to have a birthday party. There are a lot of options available for every budget, from free to as expensive as your budget can handle. There are a lot of outdoor activities and locations for parties, though you should always keep in mind that weather will not always co-operate. Always have an indoor back-up plan.

The time and day that you have the party on is going to have an effect on a lot of things. The best time for guests between 4 and 6 years old is usually 11am to 1 pm on a weekend. This time will usually work with most families so that the guests you invite can come. In the summer it is possible to have parties during the week between 11 am and 1 pm, however you can expect fewer guests to be available. Evenings can work, but you may want to have the party from 5:30 or 6 PM until 7 pm to prevent interfering with bedtimes. Afternoons are better then evenings, though some people feel afternoon parties are more disruptive to their routines and you may have fewer guests then if you have it at 11 am.

You do not want to have the party last longer then two hours at this age. Any longer then that become disruptive to routines. Kids may start to misbehave or act out from the stress of the disruption of their routines. Also parents are less likely to bring their kids to a party that is going to be more then two hours. For the most part you can get a lot of fun and activates into two hours, anymore then two hours becomes stressful for everyone.

The best place to have a summer party is a local park with playground. Often there will be a picnic area, bathroom, on a bus route, and plenty of parking. Some places even have large covered areas that you can hold the party if it rains. Several in my city will also have little water parks, splash pools with lifeguards. This gives you a lot of options for party activities, though if the playground is big enough you may not need any. The beach can also be a good location, with lots of space, and there is usually a park area for picnics or local restaurants with bathrooms and food. Theme and water parks, zoo’s and places like the lion safari are also great ideas. You plan the party early so everyone meets to enter together, and then are free to enjoy the park after the party is over. Keep in mind that although you can get group discounts it can be very expensive. This can also be overwhelming for 4 to 6 year olds.

Once you have a location picked out you will want to think about activities and food. Kids this age have very short attention spans so having several activities on going so that they can move from one to another as they feel like. Don’t try to have very organized or complicated activities. Simple games and toy areas work best. Have some sidewalk chalk available, bubble stuff, some creative toys like trucks, cars and balls, balloons on strings and then let the kids be free to have fun. They are very creative at this age and are likely to be quite happy to chase on another around a tree then play some formalized game with rules.

Food, keep it simple, kids are picky. If you have a portable BBQ then do hotdogs. If you don’t then bring sandwich makings and let the kid’s parents make their sandwich as they know what their kids like. Have a selection of cut fruit and vegetables with a dip, chips, popcorn, and a selection of drinks. Pop is not a good idea here, fruit juice boxes and water works best. Cake is traditional and fun however a wonderful idea is to have a selection of cupcakes with out icing available. Have a table set up with the selection of cupcakes, several types of icing, and plastic knives, and some fun toppings such as gummy candies, mini colored marshmallows, sprinkles, and anything else you can think of. Let each kid pick a cupcake, put what ever icing they pick onto it and then let them pile it high with toppings. This gives you a great activity for the kids, reduces your prep work and is guarantied to have the kids having a messy but very enjoyable time. Just make sure you have enough cupcakes for multiple seconds as the kids will keep coming back just because it is so much fun.

Open gifts when they are all eating and then give the gift/grab bags out. At this point most parents will start leaving. However if you are in a public park even if they hang around you can pack up and get ready to go home. This cuts down on the guests that never leave, and leaves the door open for everyone to stay for as long as they want. So as long as you and your kids are having fun, stay.

Tips on talking to your teen boy about sex

As parents we need to have the sex talk with our children, both boys and girls as early as possible. This way they will hopefully have a good idea of what sex is, what is ok and not ok, and the consequences like pregnancy, Aids and other STD’s. We cannot stop our teens from wanting sex, or even having sex. All we can do is try to make sure they make the best possible informed decisions.

Time goes by so quickly. We meant to have that all important sex talk but the time never seemed right. All of a sudden our little boy is a teen boy and we have to find some way to talk to him about sex. There are a lot of ways to open up a conversation about sex with teen boys. Here are some tips on talking to your teen boy about sex.

The first hair shows up, the typical sign of the onset of puberty. This is a great time to talk about hormones and body changes. This can lead right into the sex talk. “Now that you are becoming a man you are going to want to have sex so it is time we talked about it.” “You are a man now, you are going to have some questions about sex. Now is a good time to talk with you about it.” Talk about what his “parts” do and what they are for. The how and why people have sex as well as the consequences of having sex. Such as pregnancy and STD’s.

There is always some good looking girl or woman on TV, in movies, and video games. Ask your teen boy if he finds her attractive. Then ask what he finds attractive in girls or women. What “feelings” he has and what he would like to do, like hug her or kiss her. This opens up what sex is, what the feelings are and what is and is not ok, how you treat a lady, i.e. no means no.

There are always talk shows on teen sex and the consequences and even on how to talk with your teen about sex. Montel Williams and Dr. Phil usually have at least a few every year. Watch them with your teen boy. Talk about the topic of the show. Use the questions the show opens up.
Teen boys get erections all the time. You can open the conversation by talking about how best to hid them in public; what types of pants to wear and other strategies to avoid embarrassment in public. This is a great way to find out what else your teen boy may have questions about.

Teen boys also start having ejaculations in their sleep, wet dream. This is a great opening to talk about what an ejaculation is and then talk about sex. This is a good time to talk about the issue of having unintentional ejaculation when reacting to stimuli’s, i.e. a pretty girl is talking to you. This can be very embarrassing and teen boys need an idea of what to do when it happens, or a strategy to avoid it from happening.

Buy a box of condoms and use a cucumber to demonstrate how to properly use condoms. This lets you talk about sex, safe sex, STD’s, contraception and hopefully find out what sex myths you son might believe. Myths like clingwrap around the penise works just as well as a condom. This also opens the door to questions like, “What do the different condoms do”, “What condom do girls like best”, “How do you know when to make the first move”

It is not important the way you open the conversation, as long as you have the conversation and give real honest answers. Find out what your son already knows or thinks he knows. If you don’t know what misinformation your son has you cannot let him know the truth. You need to talk about sex, how good it feels, when is the right time, how to control the urge, how to react when a girl says “no”, and how to have control over your body not the other way around. Think about all the things you wish you had known about sex at his age and talk with him about it.

Starting the big sex talk dialog when your kid is a three year old

Now talking about sex to your three year old is not going to be the same as if she/he was eight, thirteen, or eighteen. But it is a good place to start and get some things out of the way. It makes it easer to have the bigger talks when they are older. It lets both of you become comfortable with the idea of talking about it and actually having the conversation. The other part is that three year olds need to know some things.

It is a sad thing to say, but for some people a three year old is a sex object and they will prey on them. It is good to let your children know what is ok to touch or have touched as soon as possible. It is also important that children know the real names of their parts so that if some one does touch them then they can say, “So and So put his hand on my vagina”, instead of “he rubbed my kitty.” This is one of the biggest problems police have is that kids use slang words that their parents taught them to use. The police don’t know if the kid means that some one actually touched their penis or vagina or did they touch the kids pet cat, or bird.

So how do you start a conversation about sex with a three year old, and what do you talk to them about?

1) When potty training use the correct term for their bits, penis or vagina. I tend to use the word bum though, not anise. I started when I was changing their diapers, I would tell them I was cleaning their bum, or that is your penis or vagina. It is a very simple thing to do, and to be blunt what is the point of using some made up name or word; it is just going to confuse the kids latter on. It is funny because my three year old keeps saying it is her penis, and I have to keep reminding her that she has a vagina because she is a girl and that boys have a penis.

2) It is also easy to use potty time to mention that their bum and penis or vagina is their private area. This makes it easer for you to let them know that you have private areas as well and that your child needs to tell you if some one is touching your child on their private areas, or asking your child to look at or touch their private areas. Rule of thumb is that if your underwear covers it then it is a private area.

I have asked my three year old and four year old about if anyone has touched them. I was told that the daycare person was cleaning that area when my three year old went in the diaper or potty. She told me, she understood the concept of someone touching that area was something I needed to know. Now I completely expected that answer and have no concerns about the daycare workers as long as that is what her answer is. My 4 year old is expected to clean himself at daycare so if he told me someone was touching him on his private areas then we have a problem.

Today when he used the potty, I asked him for the first time if anyone has asked him to touch his or her private parts. He said no, and we talked about how he should say “No”. He is the one that came up with “No thank you, that’s yucky” and now he knows to tell me about it. It will take some time to get it to the point were he knows to tell everyone who will listen that “so and so” tried to get him to touch their private parts or tried to touch his. But the conversation has already started.

3) Bath time is also a great time to make sure you talk to your kids about what are the names of their parts and what are private parts. This is really great as you get them to wash. We have a story where our kids wash their toes and up to their heads. We go over each body part, and the kids wash. We always leave the private parts last, partly because it helps teach kids not to wash their bum and then their face, but to wash their bum last. It also re-enforces the names of their parts and what is ok and not ok. Like it is ok for them to wash them, but someone else should not be touching them.

4) Today in a public bathroom my daughter noticed a dispenser for pads and tampons. She asked what it was. I told her that it was a dispenser for pads and tampons that women use when on their periods. That was good enough for her, she was happy with that answer. I was happy that she asked and I was able to mention to her for the first time about pads, tampons and period. I know that over the years more opportunities will come and I will use them every chance I get. Especially if my kids open the conversation.

By talking with them now I am creating the groundwork for some real conversations latter on. If I don’t get them comfortable about talking to me now, why should they feel comfortable about talking to me about this type of stuff latter. The same goes for me, if I cannot become comfortable about talking to them about something as simple as what their body parts are called, how can I ever have a real talk about sex and every thing that comes with it with them.

I have to admit that part of the “this is a private part/area” conversation came about because my then two year old started hitting me on my breast and hit her dad in the “jewels” so we started using “no touch that is my private area” in self-defence. She still got a time out for hitting, but she also learned that there are some parts on Mom and Dad that she cannot just reach out and grab or hit. That is just as important for kids to know that as it is for them to know others should not be touching them in the same areas.

How to keep your teen boy safe when he parties

The best way to keep your teen boy safe when he parties is to have the parties in your home. That way you know where he is, whom he is hanging out with, and what he is doing. It can be stressful having a bunch of teens in your home all the time, making a mess and eating all your food. Is it more stressful then worrying about what your teen boy is up to when he is not in your home? The reality of your home being the party house is slim to none. Teens will go to the home with the least supervision, no adults there, or adults that don’t care.

These days you don’t have much control over your teen boy. Sure you can GPS them, make them check in every hour, drug test them, control most of the money they have unless they have a job, and in some ways control who they hang out with, when and where. But only your son can control his actions and decisions. The best protection for your son when he is outside of your control is for him to be well informed about his options and the consequences of his actions. This means making sure he is well informed about the realities and consequences of sex, drugs, alcohol, crime and violence.

Do not just have the “don’t do drugs, drink, have sex or break the law” conversation. You need to show your teen boy what drugs and alcohol will do to him and his friends. What the real affect drugs and alcohol have on them. How it changes what they think and do, how “dumb” they become under the influence. How over time it changes your physical appearance from young and healthy to sickly and ugly. How it can kill him and his friends in many ways from overdose to being around the wrong people and being killed for the drugs or money. Find a way to show them what detox is actually like. Let them know all the realities about drug and alcohol use, not some Disney version of it.

Sex, well they are going to want to do it. You son needs to know what can happen when he has sex. This includes pregnancy and STD’s. He also needs a clear idea of what is OK and not OK, the “if a person says no it means no” conversation. It is not OK to have sex with a person just because they are too drunk to say no. Keep him safe from misunderstandings and mixed messages. These are things you can talk with him about and help him understand the complexity of having sex with some one. Most people don’t think of it as just sex, so there are the relationship issues to deal with.

Most problems come about because teen boys will do some very stupid things to impress a girl so he can have sex with her. This can lead to fights, and criminal activity like drag racing or theft so he can have the money and clothing to impress her. This is going to be harder to deal with, as you probably have no idea it is going on. Again you have to give them as much information about what is right and wrong and the consequences and then trust them enough to let them make their own mistakes.