Star Wars the Old Republic Guild Turns to Cyber bullying

 

For almost a year a father and his 9 year old son played on the Star Wars the Old Republic with a great guild.  A few weeks before the new Star Wars the Old Republic expansion started the guild turned nasty.  Suddenly what used to be a fun MMORPG became an ordeal of cyber bulling.

It started in sly comments.  It quickly moved up to nasty in game messages, anonymous posting full of swear words, insults and comments like “you are this and this and should quite the game” but not in so nice words.  Insert any combination of swear words, insults with thinly veiled threats and you get the idea. 

The last straw was when an anonymous posting went on the guild page attacking four players, Suddenly what was just annoying and somewhat childish behaviour became a full out attack.  The guild leader let the posting stay up on the guild page.  This showed that she supported the cyber bulling behaviour of one guild member.  Please note that the bully did not have the guts to put their name on their poison pen posting.  As a result all four members decided independently that they did not want to play in a guild where they were expected to put up with someone treating them like crap.

Not one of the players being cyber bullied had done anything to earn the abuse.  Two were new players, who did not have much experience.  They were in the process of learning the game and building up their levels.  One was a father, with a new born, who played when he could but put his family first.  The fourth was in the US military serving overseas.  He is fighting for his country, with all his time scheduled for him.  Not to mention putting his life on the line every day.  Why would any of these people want to deal with abuse every time they logged onto Star Wars the Old Republic?

Now it is one thing to have someone be nasty on Star Wars the Old Republic, you simply block them.  It is something different to be cyber bullied by someone in your own guild.  Especially when the cyber bully hides who they are, it taints the whole guild.  You don’t know who is doing it.  It is like getting nasty letters in your locker at high school, the bully wants to make their life hell but is not “man” enough to put their name on it.

Oh, and Mr. Anonymous was not so anonymous after all.  The person was creating alternative characters not in the guild so they could cyber bully “anonymously”.  But all four people figured out who it was when they compared notes. 

The cyber bully had recently joined the guild.  He was a new “friend” of the guild leader and was given extra special treatment at the expense of the other guild members.  He was given an officers position right away, even though everyone else had to work their way up the guild and prove themselves.  He was going after the guild members he felt threatened by. 

The ex-guild members felt betrayed by their guild leader, that she would allow such abusive behaviour.  None of the attacked players engage the bully.  It was not worth their time.  They play Star Wars the Old Republic to have fun. 

The funny part is that the cyber bully did not even notice they had left the guild.  He stepped up the attacks after they had already left.  He started posting anonymous abusive messages in the guilds message of the day for everyone to see.  He called them names, put them down and kept saying they should be kicked out of the guild.

At first the guild leader was upset that the guild members quite and asked them back.  That changed within a day.  Suddenly she was being abusive to them as well.  Somehow they were in the wrong for taking offence to the extremely abusive attacks.  She expected them to just put up with it.

Just to be safe the Father decided to log onto his 9 year old sons account and pull him out of the guild.  What did he find, in retaliation for the father leaving the guild leader kicked his son out.  The cyber bully sent the 9 year old a very abusive, bulling message along the same lines as what he had posted to the other guild members.  It was full of swear words and was just plain nasty to say to anyone, let alone a 9 year old.

What was the point of cyber bulling a child?  The kid was already kicked out of the guild.  Why send a child you don’t know an abusive message?  Simple, because he could.  He knew his guild leader will support his cyber bullying of long standing and new guild members.  Why would she have an issue with him attacking a child in the same manner?  He was so confident that he did not even bother to do it anonymously!  This just confirmed the suspicions about who was doing it.

Well he was right.  When this was brought to the guild leader’s attention her response was, she was the one who kicked the child out of the guild and what was the problem with the messages.  After all it was all just a joke.  Extreme abusive cyber bullying for two weeks a joke!  Right.  Who is she kidding?  Most people will not accept this treatment any time, so why should anyone accept it on a MMORPG. 

 

With the number of kids killing themselves over cyber bulling she still thinks it’s ok for her new friend to do this to a child who has never done anything to anyone.  I guess she is not the good person people thought she was.  Who wants to be in a guild that you have to put up with abuse to play in?  What gets me the most though is, how could anyone think it is ok for an adult to cyber bully a child!  It is not ok for anyone to cyber bully a child.

My Son Lied to Me Today – How to Deal with it.

First I expect the kids to lie to stay out of trouble – most people do, children and adults.  However, that does not mean my children get away with it.  Usually they lie about little things like who left the hall light on.  It is usually, “Not me”, “I don’t know” or any other answer like, “I forgot”.  We tell them I don’t know or not me don’t live here and get them to turn off the light or fix whatever the issue is.

When my daughter started grade one she also started taking things from school and telling us a friend gave it to her, or it was a prize from school we quickly questioned it.  We confronted her and made her tell the truth.  Part of what we did was go into the school and talk with her teacher to find out the truth – in front of our daughter.  She had no choice but to confess to taking things and telling lies.  It was quickly and firmly dealt with.  We consistently followed up to make sure she did not start stealing again. 

We explained to our kids that telling us the truth is very important, and that telling a lie results in a much worse punishment then owning up and telling the truth in the first place.  Also that once they lose our trust it is a very hard thing to earn back.  My kids know that telling the truth is important to us, even when we don’t like the truth.

So I was quite upset when my son lied about a big thing tonight.  My daughter came down stairs and told me my son had a big red bump on his head.  She tends to tell on him a lot, but this time she did the right thing and I told her so.  My son comes down the stairs with his bangs hiding a great big red bump.  We asked what happened – I don’t remember.  I don’t think so.  We quickly figured out he had been injured about two hours earlier when he had been playing outside.  So now came the fun part of trying to piece together what happened. 

We could tell my son was reluctant to tell us what happened.  Usually when he gets hurt he is the first one at the door telling us he has been hurt.  I mean even bug bites he is at the door looking for sympathy and attention.  We have some “bad” kids in the area who like to hurt the other kids.  Our son knows that we don’t want him playing with them.  We thought maybe he was playing with one of them and was injured by one of them.  That he was reluctant to tell us because he knows he is not to go near those kids.  Nope, he was not playing with any of them.  Once we confirmed that he was not hurt by another child we concentrated on getting the real story.

The story we eventually heard was that he slipped and fell and hit his head.  That it was just an accident because he was running.  No way was that story the truth, not where the big bump was.  I asked very specifically if he had fallen off the fence and hit his head, and he said no.  However we let it go and my husband checked him over to make sure he was ok.  He was made to sit on the couch with an ice pack until bed time.

 I waited until he was in bed, safe.  He had gotten away with it.  Not likely.  I had a little talk with him explaining that I knew he was lying and why.   I had a very good idea of how he had hit his head but needed him to tell me.  After about a half hour it all came out, exactly what I expected.  He decided to climb over the fence instead of using the gate, slipped and fell head first onto a cement pad in our neighbour’s back yard.  He knew he was not supposed to be climbing the fence, that’s why we have gates.  So he hid the bump and did everything he could to keep us from finding out.

He was expecting a full out punishment for doing something we have been telling him for years not to do.  Instead he got me explaining to him how dangerous not telling us about the head injury was.  With the fences we have around the back yards he could have really hurt himself, get a concussion, or died.  It took a lot but I think I got through to him that he has to always let us know when he has been injured.  Even when he thinks he will be in trouble.  It is way more important to be safe and healthy.  Also I was very blunt about the type of injury he had and how much worse it could have been.  Most importantly I let him know that by hiding it he could have made things much worse.  If we had to rush him to the hospital and had no idea how he got hurt or when, how could we tell the doctors what they needed to know?  I also calmly explained to him how upset I was that he lied to us.  I think I got through to him because I was more concerned about getting him to understand, then punishing him for the lie.  There are still going to be consequences for telling us lies, but it is far more important to me that I can trust him, and know that he understands why the truth is so important.

I am still very upset that he lied to me.  Getting angry with him, or punishing him this time would backfire.  Being calm and worried about how injured he was and how much worse it could have been was way more effective this time.  To be blunt, I think that scared him far more than any possible punishment I could have given him.  It was also very important for him to realise that he cannot get away with lying to us.  We knew he lied, and figured out what happened all on our own.  There is no benefit to lying to us, but there are to telling us the truth.

Summer Fun with the Kids on a none existent budget

School is going to be out in a few days. My children are going to be home all summer for the first time in years. No summer camp this year. So what am I going to do with them? This is going to be the tightest summer yet. For the first time ever even bus rides are going to be difficult.

For the last few weeks I have trying to come up with things for us to do that will not break the bank.  I have been having a hard time trying to figure out what the kids can do.  I have to admit part of it is that I want to take them to the water parks, the fairs and other fun things summer is full of, and I cannot.  The funny part is, the kids are happy to just play at home.  I don’t think they care as much about what they are not doing as I do. They are more interested in video games, watching TV and playing board games with us.  Not that they are going to be doing a lot of that!  When I think about it they are going to be having a summer more like the ones I had growing up.  My family never did the things I have been feeling bad about not doing with my kids.  So what if we can’t go out and do a bunch of stuff. Who said we had to!  (me, lol).

We have a recreation centre within walking distance. The pool is open for a couple of hours every day to the public. We have our passes already. Once I know the schedule I will know part of what we will try and do each day.  Swimming is a lot of fun and it will help keep us cool.

Water Parks. We cannot afford to go to the local water park this year. However there are some free mini water play areas at some of the parks. The one up the street has a tinny section with water activities, more of a water spot for babies and toddlers.  Also there are no bathroom facilities there. So that kind of takes that off the plans for summer. There is a nice water play area at the biggest park in town. It is one bus ride, and there are bathroom facilities there. Drawbacks, we have to bus and that is $10 each time. Also the park is where all the big festivals take place. We don’t want to take our kids there when a festival is on because we just don’t have the money to go to a festival.  We are not going to put our kids through that if we can help it. So trips to the water play area are going to be few, if any.

Beach.  We go every year at least once, sometimes twice. We will save so we can go this year. Some changes though, more packed lunch, less buy something there. The kids always have a blast and want to spend all day at the beach.  This has always been our big family summer event, and we are going to make sure we can do it this year.  It takes planning, and using a granny cart to bring all our stuff on the bus but it will happen this year at least once.

Parks – we have a nice one just down the street, no bathroom facilities though. I think we will be going to the park on nice days. We can walk home to use the bathroom.

Playing in the back area. It used to be nice, than the landlord took the play area out. Now we have an open area. The bigger kids are using to play soccer, football and even baseball. They don’t let the little kids have any space. So my kids will be going out when the teenagers are not using the area. They have room to bike, run around and have fun.

We are going to be putting all our water play stuff in the front yard this year. Why, because the teenagers have taken over the back area. Also there is not a lot of shade in the back anymore, we don’t have a sun shade this year. However we still have a wiggly worm, slip and slide and a little wading pool the kids can sit in.  Water guns will be a big thing this year. They can play and water the grass at the same time.  I am sure we are going to be going through a lot of chalk this year.  Also I think we are going to let the kids take out toys that were indoor toys only last year.  The more things they can do and play with the better. They can enjoy playing with the kids around here and their own toys instead of being at summer camp all day.  They both like the fact that they are not going to camp, even if it means they miss out on all the trips to the big water parks and other fun things we cannot afford to do.

I guess the biggest thing I have learned is that my kids don’t need to go to the parks, water parks, and other large expensive activities to enjoy their summer.  They just want the freedom to run around and play.

9/11 the aftershock still going 10 years later

I knew that the 10th year anniversary would bring back memories and sadness over the senseless loss of so many lives. I did not expect it to affect me so strongly. I did not lose anyone, and I have no personal connection to the tragic event. Yet I started crying within moments of turning on the TV to watch the memorial.

I remember driving my car on the way to work, stuck in traffic, when the news about the first plane crash was announced. I did not care about being late or anything at that point. I was just shocked. When I got into work no one was working. People were on the phones calling friends and family, checking emails, listening online or to radios. A few had access to TV’s. The news took over the day. I think we may have even been sent home early that day. It’s is all just a blur. No one got work done that day.

The lady who worked beside me was hit the hardest in our area. Her husband was at a conference in the States with an insurance company. That company had their offices in the Twin Towers. Fortunately the conference was in another location. Unfortunately only the big wigs from the company were at the conference. They had an entire floor, above where the plane hit. My understanding is that everyone at work that day died. People her husband knew, worked with, talked with were just gone. It was hard on him, and her. They were on the phone a lot that day, even though it was long distance and she was at work. They were scared. He was stuck in the US, with people flying planes into buildings, who know what else was going to happen.

Even though I live in Canada 9/11 changed my life. That day I called my long distance boyfriend and said let’s move in together. I was scared, and who knew what was going to happen. He moved from one end of Canada, BC, to Ontario within 10 days. We have been together ever since, and have two wonderful children. I don’t think that would have ever happened if 9/11 hadn’t. I always said I would never get married or have kids. 9/11 changed that for me.

I think the hardest part of the 10th year anniversary of 9/11 was explaining it to my children. I cried as I told them about how police and rescue workers went into the buildings to rescue anyone they could, knowing they may not come back out. That took courage. I explained how many of the police and rescue workers died that day. It was hard for them to understand the whole thing. Why would someone fly a plane into a building? Why did they want to kill people?

We had to turn the TV off and just have some family time. We did not turn it back on until the kids went to bed. The horrible images were just too much to put them through. One day they will be old enough to learn more about it, but not with Mommy crying as she tries to explain it. 9/11 is a life changer. I don’t want my kids to lose what innocents they have, the trust that all is good in the world and nothing bad is going to happen. That will happen soon enough as they got older.

Even now I feel sad, and cry when I think of all the lives changed in a bad way that day ten years ago.

I like remembering a couple of stories about that day, small simple miracles in a way. One person was running late but stopped for a coffee anyway. Another person called in sick. One person missed the bus/subway. These small things saved their lives. There are many stories like this, but not enough, not nearly enough.

May the people who died that day, and later from the chemicals in the air, may they have peace!

For the people who did this, may you wake up one day and understand that this was wrong! I tell my kids all the time, temper tantrums don’t get you what you want, no matter how big of one you throw. To me 9/11 was just another type of temper tantrum. Someone did not get their way so they did what they could to destroy lives. You know what, they still did not get their way!