I am always hearing about good parent vs. bad parent but what does that actually mean. Does that mean you are a good or bad person? I think that people who are not so good can still be good parents and good people can also be bad parents. It all comes down to parenting skills and if they care about their kids or not. There are horrible people out there who are great parents, their children love them and feel safe, but I would never want to work with them or for them. There are other people who seem to be great in public but years latter we find out that these upstanding members of society were torturing their children. I think that most people try to do the best they can for their children. I struggle everyday to overcome my childhood, and learn better parenting then what I was shown as a child.
I have learned that to be a good parent you:
1) Have to care about yourself and your children. If you don’t care about yourself or your children it is very difficult to be a good parent with positive influences.
2) Listen to your children, hear what they want and need not what you think they should have. Your children are individuals and should be treated as such, not an extension of yourself.
3) Play with your children so that you have some positive experiences with your children to build on. This gives you time to enjoy your children, not being a parent, boss or supervisor but a play partner. Have fun with your kids well you can, they grow up quick.
4) Keep your temper no matter what, even if it means you have to take a time out or leave the room. Giving your child a time out is a way to let yourself cool down. Let someone else deal with an issue if possible when it becomes too much. This is a lot easer to say then do. Kids tend to not listen, jump, run and break things all the time. Also they are trying to become independent people who can think and do things for themselves, even when you are helping them they still want to do it their own way. Big rule here, no hitting.
5) Take care of the basic necessities like clothing, food, shelter, love first and if possible give the extras after everything else is taken care of. Showing that you love your child by spending money on something they want is great, but not if you don’t have enough money for food because you spent it on a treat. Not giving a child what they want does not mean you don’t love them or are not a good parent.
6) Follow through. If you tell your children you are going to do something or give them something then you need to follow through other wise your word means nothing. This is for both positive and negative. If you say you are going to take away their TV for a week then you need to do that. Same as if you tell them they can help with dinner, or pick dinner then you need to do that as well, even if you have had a busy day.
7) Show your children that you love them. Telling them “I love you” does not mean much if your actions show otherwise. Give them hugs, put their artwork on the wall or fridge, tell them how great they are, and spend time with them. Let them know you like being with them and having them as your children. Actions speak louder then words every time.
8) Remember that you chouse to be with your kids, not that you have to spend time with them. It is a difference of perception, if you chouse to do something you are more likely to enjoy doing it then if you think you have to do something.
9) You don’t always have to like your kids, just love them even when you are not happy with them.
10) If you do something wrong admit it, say sorry and work on not doing it again.
I am sure my list will grow as I grow as a parent. The problem I have is remembering this stuff as my kids run around the house screaming, fighting and not listening. It is a hard stressful job being a parent. If it was not my own kids you could not pay enough to do this job. Most of us would not pass the requirements if you had to pass a parenting test before we became parents, but somehow we do get through it and so do our kids.
Showing posts with label developmental. Show all posts
Showing posts with label developmental. Show all posts
Monday, August 11, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Why have the Sex talk with a five-year-old boy?
I have been getting some very strange questions from my 5 year old and I had to really think about my answers. I had to decide if I should just give some meaningless answer or actually give him some information, and if I gave him information how much. I also had to think about what other questions my answers would give him.
During bath time he asked:
What are balls?
What is inside balls?
Does Mommy have Balls? Why not?
Does Daddy have balls?
Where do babies come from?
What is sperm?
How do babies get inside Mommies?
What is sex?
It started out easy, “What are balls?” and then became progressively harder as my answers gave him questions I was not sure I was ready to give uncomplicated answers to. I gave honest answers trying to keep it as simple as possible until he reached a point where the answers became too complicated for him to understand. At that point I used redirect to get him back to his bath and gave myself some time to think before the next set of questions. I want to get the information across without having to get into details and that is not an easy thing to do.
So why give a five year old real answers? It is a lot easer to provide information now that will be stepping stones for him to learn about himself, his body and sex, as he gets older. If he is looking for information now, then now is when to give it. It makes it easer to have conversations latter on when he older and ready for more information. I have to start thinking about strategies now so I can be ready when he is. I cannot say that I would be the type to buy an adult magazine and use that to answer questions, but I can see me finding some medical books and using those when he is older. It is still the same information but presented in a different way. There is a fine line between providing answers and resources about sex and corrupting a minor.
During bath time he asked:
What are balls?
What is inside balls?
Does Mommy have Balls? Why not?
Does Daddy have balls?
Where do babies come from?
What is sperm?
How do babies get inside Mommies?
What is sex?
It started out easy, “What are balls?” and then became progressively harder as my answers gave him questions I was not sure I was ready to give uncomplicated answers to. I gave honest answers trying to keep it as simple as possible until he reached a point where the answers became too complicated for him to understand. At that point I used redirect to get him back to his bath and gave myself some time to think before the next set of questions. I want to get the information across without having to get into details and that is not an easy thing to do.
So why give a five year old real answers? It is a lot easer to provide information now that will be stepping stones for him to learn about himself, his body and sex, as he gets older. If he is looking for information now, then now is when to give it. It makes it easer to have conversations latter on when he older and ready for more information. I have to start thinking about strategies now so I can be ready when he is. I cannot say that I would be the type to buy an adult magazine and use that to answer questions, but I can see me finding some medical books and using those when he is older. It is still the same information but presented in a different way. There is a fine line between providing answers and resources about sex and corrupting a minor.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
How to tell if your child has a speech problem
Children all develop at different rates and other children should not be used to compare your child’s speech development. One child may be able to properly us P or M at 1/1/2 years and another may not until they are 3 years old. To be able to figure out how your child is doing with speech you need to know what are realistic expectations, and when to get help. It is important to identify problems with speech as soon as possible and find out if it is a delay or a disability. They are treated differently, but if a delay is not caught in time it can be seen as a disability. The sooner a delay is identified and treated the easer it is bring that child up to the same leave as their peers.
The first thing you need to know is when should a child be able to make specific sounds. How can you tell where your child is in speech if you don’t know where your child should be? More often then not we the parents will either have unrealistic expectations and think our child should be further then they are, or we will not realize that our child needs help because we are used to the way they speak and can understand them. Please take a look at the sound list below and the time lines on it and see where your child is and where they should be.
The second thing you need to know is when to start looking for ways to help your child if they don’t have a sound yet. This is usually about the half point of an age rage children are expected to have the sound by. For example P is between 1 ½ to 3 years so if your child is two and a few months and does not have it then you need to start helping them develop that sound. However if your child still does not have it at the far end of the age range then you need to start looking to find out if your child needs some help, are they delayed or have a hearing issue, do they need speech therapy.
Sounds are learned at different ages depending on how difficult they are to say. The chart below shows the age range during which each sound is learned.
Sounds Can start as early as (in years)
Time to help if not using sound yet (in years)
Should be using thesound in words at all times (in years)
The first thing you need to know is when should a child be able to make specific sounds. How can you tell where your child is in speech if you don’t know where your child should be? More often then not we the parents will either have unrealistic expectations and think our child should be further then they are, or we will not realize that our child needs help because we are used to the way they speak and can understand them. Please take a look at the sound list below and the time lines on it and see where your child is and where they should be.
The second thing you need to know is when to start looking for ways to help your child if they don’t have a sound yet. This is usually about the half point of an age rage children are expected to have the sound by. For example P is between 1 ½ to 3 years so if your child is two and a few months and does not have it then you need to start helping them develop that sound. However if your child still does not have it at the far end of the age range then you need to start looking to find out if your child needs some help, are they delayed or have a hearing issue, do they need speech therapy.
Sounds are learned at different ages depending on how difficult they are to say. The chart below shows the age range during which each sound is learned.
Sounds Can start as early as (in years)
Time to help if not using sound yet (in years)
Should be using thesound in words at all times (in years)
P (pin) 1 ½ years Between 2 and 2 ½ 3 years
M (monkey) 1 ½ Between 2 and 2 ½ 3
H (hat) 1 ½ Between 2 and 2 ½ 3
N (nail) 1 ½ Between 2 and 2 ½ 3
W (wagon) 1 ½ 2 ½ 3 ½
B (ball) 1 ½ Between 3 and 3 ½ 4
K (kite) 2 3 4
G (girl) 2 3 4
D (dog) 2 3 4
T (toe) 2 4 6
Ng (Wing) 2 4 6
F (finger) 2 ½ Between 3 and 3 ½ 4
Y (yo-yo) 2 ½ Between 3 and 3 ½ 4
R (rabbit) 3 4 ½ 6
L (lamb) 3 4 ½ 6
S (sun) 3 5 ½ 8
CH (chick) 3 ½ 5 7
SH (shoe) 3 ½ 5 7
Z (zipper) 3 ½ Between 5 and 5 ½ 8
J (juice) 4 5 ½ 7
V (vase) 3 5 ½ 8
Th (thumb) 4 ½ Between 5 ½ and 6 7
TH (feather) 5 6 ½ 8
ZH (treasure) 6 Between 7 and 7 ½ 8 ½
If you think your child may need some help but don’t know how to help them get these sounds, or if they are and the end of the age range and still don’t have the sounds please check out the Early Words website. They have information to help you and more.
Early Words is the umbrella organization of Hamilton's preschool speech and language services for young children. Parents, childcare providers and other professionals working with young children can call for information about children's speech and language development and workshops. They have a web site, www.ascy.ca/ew_ages.htm, which will let you compare your child’s development from 3 months to 6 years with what is considered to be normal development. They can tell you what you can do to help your child develop.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Good, old-fashioned fun for kids: Activities that don't involve TV or a computer
As parents we want to give our children every opportunity possible. If we have the money we enrol our children into after school and summer time activities. When we do not have the money it is much harder to involve our children in activities that don’t involve TV or computer. Even more so when our children are latch key kids and we don’t control what they do from the time they get home and we do. There are places that it is just not safe to let our children hang out. At the park with their friends, or even ride their bikes around the block. As parents we have the job of finding safe activities for our children that does not always involve TV or a computer.
The younger our children are the easier it is for us to expose them to all kinds of activates. They actually still like spending time with us. So we need to get them interested in some thing other then TV, video games and the computer. Most younger kids will prefer to spend time playing with their parents, siblings and friends then watching TV or being on the computer. So as long as we are willing to play with them and have activities to do it is easy to control younger children’s TV and computer usage. The best part is that as we spend more time with our kids playing and paying attention to them we will usually notice improvements in their behaviours. They are getting positive attention from us and will usually reduce negative behaviours they were using to get our attention. We also get to know our kids better, and they are learning so much just by playing with us or doing fun activities. It is a win win situation. The real question is what do 8 to 12 year old children like to do? You want activities they enjoy and be safe doing.
After school programs are wonderful for both boys and girls. Where we live there are programs for almost any thing you can think of; Karate or self-defence, dance, music or band, cooking, astronomy, 4H club, any sports, gymnastics, swimming, marching band, computer club, chess, even a go cart racing club. The options are only limited by location, availability of the program and money. There are quite a few programs that have a different price rate for lower income families, like our local recreational community centre and pool. They let us pay less to join and get our children into different programs. City Kids, YMCA, YWCA and many church groups also have free programs or are priced for lower income families.
For activities in the home parents have to find something their children like, and then be supportive and whenever possible participate with them. Here are some in home activities, please note that some will require adult supervision.
Games: board or others like the Yugioh card game.
Crafts and art: Sculpting with wire, clay or paper mache. Jewelry designing and making. Ceramics, painting, drawing, model making, and needle crafts.
Writing: Poems, stories, songs, or plays.
Designing clothing: learn how to make, alter or accessories clothing.
Cooking: from helping with a meal, making cakes and cookies to making the meal with adult supervision. Creating new foods, trying new foods can all be fun. This one also helps get kids to eat their vegetables and try new things.
Designing and building: Lego’s, building sets, wood or cardboard. Kits are great here, miniatures can add a lot.
Theatrical arts: Singing, dancing, learning to play a musical instrument, make plays and act in them, learning magic tricks.
Science: CSI kits, Spy kits, Chemistry kits are all great ways to stimulate children’s interest.
These are great activities that do not involve TV or a computer. They let our children grow and explore. Just right to keep our children entertained and safe. What is important is that we turn off the TV and the computer. If we want our kids to be doing something other then watching TV or being attached to the computer then we cannot tell them to not do it only to go do it ourselves. As hard as it is going to be we that adults have to also reduce our TV and computer time and do other things, and if we are luck it will be with our kids if they let us. What is the point of going to all the effort of finding what your kids like, set it up only to have you go sit in front of the TV or computer. That is not going to work. To keep our kids doing activities, we have to be setting a good example and become active ourselves.
The younger our children are the easier it is for us to expose them to all kinds of activates. They actually still like spending time with us. So we need to get them interested in some thing other then TV, video games and the computer. Most younger kids will prefer to spend time playing with their parents, siblings and friends then watching TV or being on the computer. So as long as we are willing to play with them and have activities to do it is easy to control younger children’s TV and computer usage. The best part is that as we spend more time with our kids playing and paying attention to them we will usually notice improvements in their behaviours. They are getting positive attention from us and will usually reduce negative behaviours they were using to get our attention. We also get to know our kids better, and they are learning so much just by playing with us or doing fun activities. It is a win win situation. The real question is what do 8 to 12 year old children like to do? You want activities they enjoy and be safe doing.
After school programs are wonderful for both boys and girls. Where we live there are programs for almost any thing you can think of; Karate or self-defence, dance, music or band, cooking, astronomy, 4H club, any sports, gymnastics, swimming, marching band, computer club, chess, even a go cart racing club. The options are only limited by location, availability of the program and money. There are quite a few programs that have a different price rate for lower income families, like our local recreational community centre and pool. They let us pay less to join and get our children into different programs. City Kids, YMCA, YWCA and many church groups also have free programs or are priced for lower income families.
For activities in the home parents have to find something their children like, and then be supportive and whenever possible participate with them. Here are some in home activities, please note that some will require adult supervision.
Games: board or others like the Yugioh card game.
Crafts and art: Sculpting with wire, clay or paper mache. Jewelry designing and making. Ceramics, painting, drawing, model making, and needle crafts.
Writing: Poems, stories, songs, or plays.
Designing clothing: learn how to make, alter or accessories clothing.
Cooking: from helping with a meal, making cakes and cookies to making the meal with adult supervision. Creating new foods, trying new foods can all be fun. This one also helps get kids to eat their vegetables and try new things.
Designing and building: Lego’s, building sets, wood or cardboard. Kits are great here, miniatures can add a lot.
Theatrical arts: Singing, dancing, learning to play a musical instrument, make plays and act in them, learning magic tricks.
Science: CSI kits, Spy kits, Chemistry kits are all great ways to stimulate children’s interest.
These are great activities that do not involve TV or a computer. They let our children grow and explore. Just right to keep our children entertained and safe. What is important is that we turn off the TV and the computer. If we want our kids to be doing something other then watching TV or being attached to the computer then we cannot tell them to not do it only to go do it ourselves. As hard as it is going to be we that adults have to also reduce our TV and computer time and do other things, and if we are luck it will be with our kids if they let us. What is the point of going to all the effort of finding what your kids like, set it up only to have you go sit in front of the TV or computer. That is not going to work. To keep our kids doing activities, we have to be setting a good example and become active ourselves.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Tips on talking to your teen boy about sex
As parents we need to have the sex talk with our children, both boys and girls as early as possible. This way they will hopefully have a good idea of what sex is, what is ok and not ok, and the consequences like pregnancy, Aids and other STD’s. We cannot stop our teens from wanting sex, or even having sex. All we can do is try to make sure they make the best possible informed decisions.
Time goes by so quickly. We meant to have that all important sex talk but the time never seemed right. All of a sudden our little boy is a teen boy and we have to find some way to talk to him about sex. There are a lot of ways to open up a conversation about sex with teen boys. Here are some tips on talking to your teen boy about sex.
The first hair shows up, the typical sign of the onset of puberty. This is a great time to talk about hormones and body changes. This can lead right into the sex talk. “Now that you are becoming a man you are going to want to have sex so it is time we talked about it.” “You are a man now, you are going to have some questions about sex. Now is a good time to talk with you about it.” Talk about what his “parts” do and what they are for. The how and why people have sex as well as the consequences of having sex. Such as pregnancy and STD’s.
There is always some good looking girl or woman on TV, in movies, and video games. Ask your teen boy if he finds her attractive. Then ask what he finds attractive in girls or women. What “feelings” he has and what he would like to do, like hug her or kiss her. This opens up what sex is, what the feelings are and what is and is not ok, how you treat a lady, i.e. no means no.
There are always talk shows on teen sex and the consequences and even on how to talk with your teen about sex. Montel Williams and Dr. Phil usually have at least a few every year. Watch them with your teen boy. Talk about the topic of the show. Use the questions the show opens up.
Teen boys get erections all the time. You can open the conversation by talking about how best to hid them in public; what types of pants to wear and other strategies to avoid embarrassment in public. This is a great way to find out what else your teen boy may have questions about.
Teen boys also start having ejaculations in their sleep, wet dream. This is a great opening to talk about what an ejaculation is and then talk about sex. This is a good time to talk about the issue of having unintentional ejaculation when reacting to stimuli’s, i.e. a pretty girl is talking to you. This can be very embarrassing and teen boys need an idea of what to do when it happens, or a strategy to avoid it from happening.
Buy a box of condoms and use a cucumber to demonstrate how to properly use condoms. This lets you talk about sex, safe sex, STD’s, contraception and hopefully find out what sex myths you son might believe. Myths like clingwrap around the penise works just as well as a condom. This also opens the door to questions like, “What do the different condoms do”, “What condom do girls like best”, “How do you know when to make the first move”
It is not important the way you open the conversation, as long as you have the conversation and give real honest answers. Find out what your son already knows or thinks he knows. If you don’t know what misinformation your son has you cannot let him know the truth. You need to talk about sex, how good it feels, when is the right time, how to control the urge, how to react when a girl says “no”, and how to have control over your body not the other way around. Think about all the things you wish you had known about sex at his age and talk with him about it.
Time goes by so quickly. We meant to have that all important sex talk but the time never seemed right. All of a sudden our little boy is a teen boy and we have to find some way to talk to him about sex. There are a lot of ways to open up a conversation about sex with teen boys. Here are some tips on talking to your teen boy about sex.
The first hair shows up, the typical sign of the onset of puberty. This is a great time to talk about hormones and body changes. This can lead right into the sex talk. “Now that you are becoming a man you are going to want to have sex so it is time we talked about it.” “You are a man now, you are going to have some questions about sex. Now is a good time to talk with you about it.” Talk about what his “parts” do and what they are for. The how and why people have sex as well as the consequences of having sex. Such as pregnancy and STD’s.
There is always some good looking girl or woman on TV, in movies, and video games. Ask your teen boy if he finds her attractive. Then ask what he finds attractive in girls or women. What “feelings” he has and what he would like to do, like hug her or kiss her. This opens up what sex is, what the feelings are and what is and is not ok, how you treat a lady, i.e. no means no.
There are always talk shows on teen sex and the consequences and even on how to talk with your teen about sex. Montel Williams and Dr. Phil usually have at least a few every year. Watch them with your teen boy. Talk about the topic of the show. Use the questions the show opens up.
Teen boys get erections all the time. You can open the conversation by talking about how best to hid them in public; what types of pants to wear and other strategies to avoid embarrassment in public. This is a great way to find out what else your teen boy may have questions about.
Teen boys also start having ejaculations in their sleep, wet dream. This is a great opening to talk about what an ejaculation is and then talk about sex. This is a good time to talk about the issue of having unintentional ejaculation when reacting to stimuli’s, i.e. a pretty girl is talking to you. This can be very embarrassing and teen boys need an idea of what to do when it happens, or a strategy to avoid it from happening.
Buy a box of condoms and use a cucumber to demonstrate how to properly use condoms. This lets you talk about sex, safe sex, STD’s, contraception and hopefully find out what sex myths you son might believe. Myths like clingwrap around the penise works just as well as a condom. This also opens the door to questions like, “What do the different condoms do”, “What condom do girls like best”, “How do you know when to make the first move”
It is not important the way you open the conversation, as long as you have the conversation and give real honest answers. Find out what your son already knows or thinks he knows. If you don’t know what misinformation your son has you cannot let him know the truth. You need to talk about sex, how good it feels, when is the right time, how to control the urge, how to react when a girl says “no”, and how to have control over your body not the other way around. Think about all the things you wish you had known about sex at his age and talk with him about it.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Setting boundaries for your children's free time
I have had to set boundaries for my children’s free time. If I did not use a timer when my son is on the computer he would be on it all day. I need to use a timer so that he knows when his time is up, he has no idea how much time passes when he is playing. Using the computer started as a way for him to learn and to help with his hand eye coordination. The next thing I know is that I have a four-year-old computer addict. He will give up just about anything for computer time. I use it as a treat or a reward, some thing to be earned not a right.
As my children get older I am going to have to make sure they have a balanced life. To do so I will have to put limits on computer and TV time and make sure they play outside with other kids. I have already decided that my children will not have a TV, computer or phone in their rooms. That will all be in the living room. That way I have more control over when they use them and what they use them for.
I will be enrolling them into after school and summer programs so that they socialize and do some type of activity. I, like any other parent, want to give my kids all the opportunities that I did not have. At this point it is open to what programs they will go into. I want to make sure it is some thing they like. I can only give them the opportunities to do things; I cannot make them participate. Swimming, baseball, gymnastics and dance all seem to be high on my son’s list right now, so we will try those first.
I know that my children are going to have great demands on their time when they start school. They will have less free time and will want to spend it doing what they love the most, be it computer games or playing sports. As an adult it is very easy for me to become caught up in a book, game or TV show, how can I expect my children to be any different? I need to give them boundaries, balance until they are able to create their own boundaries. At the same time I need to make sure I don’t limit them so much that they rebel and find other ways to get the TV or computer time they want.
I have some great ideas from talking with parents of older children. Now only time will tell how they will work on my kids. Homework must be done before I let them watch TV or play games. I need to give them a choice of games, computer ones, handheld ones, ones played on the TV and board games. I want the games to be ones that the family can all play, so there is some family time involved. Arts, crafts and music are all very important and I need to give them access to create or enjoy them. The best way is for me to do things with them, not just put some paper and pens on the table and tell them to keep busy. The one thing that seems to stand out the most, no matter what activities I expose my children to, is that I need to participate with them. My involvement as a parent is more important then the actual activity.
As my children get older I am going to have to make sure they have a balanced life. To do so I will have to put limits on computer and TV time and make sure they play outside with other kids. I have already decided that my children will not have a TV, computer or phone in their rooms. That will all be in the living room. That way I have more control over when they use them and what they use them for.
I will be enrolling them into after school and summer programs so that they socialize and do some type of activity. I, like any other parent, want to give my kids all the opportunities that I did not have. At this point it is open to what programs they will go into. I want to make sure it is some thing they like. I can only give them the opportunities to do things; I cannot make them participate. Swimming, baseball, gymnastics and dance all seem to be high on my son’s list right now, so we will try those first.
I know that my children are going to have great demands on their time when they start school. They will have less free time and will want to spend it doing what they love the most, be it computer games or playing sports. As an adult it is very easy for me to become caught up in a book, game or TV show, how can I expect my children to be any different? I need to give them boundaries, balance until they are able to create their own boundaries. At the same time I need to make sure I don’t limit them so much that they rebel and find other ways to get the TV or computer time they want.
I have some great ideas from talking with parents of older children. Now only time will tell how they will work on my kids. Homework must be done before I let them watch TV or play games. I need to give them a choice of games, computer ones, handheld ones, ones played on the TV and board games. I want the games to be ones that the family can all play, so there is some family time involved. Arts, crafts and music are all very important and I need to give them access to create or enjoy them. The best way is for me to do things with them, not just put some paper and pens on the table and tell them to keep busy. The one thing that seems to stand out the most, no matter what activities I expose my children to, is that I need to participate with them. My involvement as a parent is more important then the actual activity.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Starting the big sex talk dialog when your kid is a three year old
Now talking about sex to your three year old is not going to be the same as if she/he was eight, thirteen, or eighteen. But it is a good place to start and get some things out of the way. It makes it easer to have the bigger talks when they are older. It lets both of you become comfortable with the idea of talking about it and actually having the conversation. The other part is that three year olds need to know some things.
It is a sad thing to say, but for some people a three year old is a sex object and they will prey on them. It is good to let your children know what is ok to touch or have touched as soon as possible. It is also important that children know the real names of their parts so that if some one does touch them then they can say, “So and So put his hand on my vagina”, instead of “he rubbed my kitty.” This is one of the biggest problems police have is that kids use slang words that their parents taught them to use. The police don’t know if the kid means that some one actually touched their penis or vagina or did they touch the kids pet cat, or bird.
So how do you start a conversation about sex with a three year old, and what do you talk to them about?
1) When potty training use the correct term for their bits, penis or vagina. I tend to use the word bum though, not anise. I started when I was changing their diapers, I would tell them I was cleaning their bum, or that is your penis or vagina. It is a very simple thing to do, and to be blunt what is the point of using some made up name or word; it is just going to confuse the kids latter on. It is funny because my three year old keeps saying it is her penis, and I have to keep reminding her that she has a vagina because she is a girl and that boys have a penis.
2) It is also easy to use potty time to mention that their bum and penis or vagina is their private area. This makes it easer for you to let them know that you have private areas as well and that your child needs to tell you if some one is touching your child on their private areas, or asking your child to look at or touch their private areas. Rule of thumb is that if your underwear covers it then it is a private area.
I have asked my three year old and four year old about if anyone has touched them. I was told that the daycare person was cleaning that area when my three year old went in the diaper or potty. She told me, she understood the concept of someone touching that area was something I needed to know. Now I completely expected that answer and have no concerns about the daycare workers as long as that is what her answer is. My 4 year old is expected to clean himself at daycare so if he told me someone was touching him on his private areas then we have a problem.
Today when he used the potty, I asked him for the first time if anyone has asked him to touch his or her private parts. He said no, and we talked about how he should say “No”. He is the one that came up with “No thank you, that’s yucky” and now he knows to tell me about it. It will take some time to get it to the point were he knows to tell everyone who will listen that “so and so” tried to get him to touch their private parts or tried to touch his. But the conversation has already started.
3) Bath time is also a great time to make sure you talk to your kids about what are the names of their parts and what are private parts. This is really great as you get them to wash. We have a story where our kids wash their toes and up to their heads. We go over each body part, and the kids wash. We always leave the private parts last, partly because it helps teach kids not to wash their bum and then their face, but to wash their bum last. It also re-enforces the names of their parts and what is ok and not ok. Like it is ok for them to wash them, but someone else should not be touching them.
4) Today in a public bathroom my daughter noticed a dispenser for pads and tampons. She asked what it was. I told her that it was a dispenser for pads and tampons that women use when on their periods. That was good enough for her, she was happy with that answer. I was happy that she asked and I was able to mention to her for the first time about pads, tampons and period. I know that over the years more opportunities will come and I will use them every chance I get. Especially if my kids open the conversation.
By talking with them now I am creating the groundwork for some real conversations latter on. If I don’t get them comfortable about talking to me now, why should they feel comfortable about talking to me about this type of stuff latter. The same goes for me, if I cannot become comfortable about talking to them about something as simple as what their body parts are called, how can I ever have a real talk about sex and every thing that comes with it with them.
I have to admit that part of the “this is a private part/area” conversation came about because my then two year old started hitting me on my breast and hit her dad in the “jewels” so we started using “no touch that is my private area” in self-defence. She still got a time out for hitting, but she also learned that there are some parts on Mom and Dad that she cannot just reach out and grab or hit. That is just as important for kids to know that as it is for them to know others should not be touching them in the same areas.
It is a sad thing to say, but for some people a three year old is a sex object and they will prey on them. It is good to let your children know what is ok to touch or have touched as soon as possible. It is also important that children know the real names of their parts so that if some one does touch them then they can say, “So and So put his hand on my vagina”, instead of “he rubbed my kitty.” This is one of the biggest problems police have is that kids use slang words that their parents taught them to use. The police don’t know if the kid means that some one actually touched their penis or vagina or did they touch the kids pet cat, or bird.
So how do you start a conversation about sex with a three year old, and what do you talk to them about?
1) When potty training use the correct term for their bits, penis or vagina. I tend to use the word bum though, not anise. I started when I was changing their diapers, I would tell them I was cleaning their bum, or that is your penis or vagina. It is a very simple thing to do, and to be blunt what is the point of using some made up name or word; it is just going to confuse the kids latter on. It is funny because my three year old keeps saying it is her penis, and I have to keep reminding her that she has a vagina because she is a girl and that boys have a penis.
2) It is also easy to use potty time to mention that their bum and penis or vagina is their private area. This makes it easer for you to let them know that you have private areas as well and that your child needs to tell you if some one is touching your child on their private areas, or asking your child to look at or touch their private areas. Rule of thumb is that if your underwear covers it then it is a private area.
I have asked my three year old and four year old about if anyone has touched them. I was told that the daycare person was cleaning that area when my three year old went in the diaper or potty. She told me, she understood the concept of someone touching that area was something I needed to know. Now I completely expected that answer and have no concerns about the daycare workers as long as that is what her answer is. My 4 year old is expected to clean himself at daycare so if he told me someone was touching him on his private areas then we have a problem.
Today when he used the potty, I asked him for the first time if anyone has asked him to touch his or her private parts. He said no, and we talked about how he should say “No”. He is the one that came up with “No thank you, that’s yucky” and now he knows to tell me about it. It will take some time to get it to the point were he knows to tell everyone who will listen that “so and so” tried to get him to touch their private parts or tried to touch his. But the conversation has already started.
3) Bath time is also a great time to make sure you talk to your kids about what are the names of their parts and what are private parts. This is really great as you get them to wash. We have a story where our kids wash their toes and up to their heads. We go over each body part, and the kids wash. We always leave the private parts last, partly because it helps teach kids not to wash their bum and then their face, but to wash their bum last. It also re-enforces the names of their parts and what is ok and not ok. Like it is ok for them to wash them, but someone else should not be touching them.
4) Today in a public bathroom my daughter noticed a dispenser for pads and tampons. She asked what it was. I told her that it was a dispenser for pads and tampons that women use when on their periods. That was good enough for her, she was happy with that answer. I was happy that she asked and I was able to mention to her for the first time about pads, tampons and period. I know that over the years more opportunities will come and I will use them every chance I get. Especially if my kids open the conversation.
By talking with them now I am creating the groundwork for some real conversations latter on. If I don’t get them comfortable about talking to me now, why should they feel comfortable about talking to me about this type of stuff latter. The same goes for me, if I cannot become comfortable about talking to them about something as simple as what their body parts are called, how can I ever have a real talk about sex and every thing that comes with it with them.
I have to admit that part of the “this is a private part/area” conversation came about because my then two year old started hitting me on my breast and hit her dad in the “jewels” so we started using “no touch that is my private area” in self-defence. She still got a time out for hitting, but she also learned that there are some parts on Mom and Dad that she cannot just reach out and grab or hit. That is just as important for kids to know that as it is for them to know others should not be touching them in the same areas.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Do developmental delays always mean learning disability?
I can say from first hand experience that developmental delays do not always mean learning disability. A developmental delay is exactly that a delay. The sooner it is caught and treated the easer for the child to catch up with their peers. If the delay is not caught then it can become an overwhelming hurdle a child has to struggle with. Even though it is not a learning disability it can still have a large impact on all aspects of a child life, their socialization, self-esteem, and their ability to move to the next level or stage of development. One developmental delay can cause other delays. For example if a child is delayed in speech, this can delay the child’s social development, because they have a problem talking with their peers, it also affects their self-esteem. It is also very hard to relate to a child that points and screams for things instead of trying to say what they want.
Often the same types of delays are grouped together. Communication delays, socializing delays, potty training delays, and self-care delays are all linked together. It is very easy to see how if a child cannot talk or get people to understand them it would affect the other areas of their development. It is frustrating for both the child and the parents. It is such a big issue that in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada we have a Government run program called Early Words.
Early Words is the umbrella organization of Hamilton's preschool speech and language services for young children. Parents, childcare providers and other professionals working with young children can call for information about children's speech and language development and workshops. They have a web site, www.ascy.ca/ew_ages.htm, which will let you compare your child’s development from 3 months to 6 years with what is considered to be normal development. On top of that they tell you what you can do to help your child develop.
As stated on the Early Word web site - Early speech and language skills help your child to tell others about their ideas and feelings, wants and needs. Difficulties in communicating can lead to frustration and social or behaviour problems. Learning to communicate is the foundation for learning at school. Research has also shown that early development of language is important for academic success, for understanding the teacher, learning to read, write and do math, and for developing relationships with teachers, peers, and others that come to be a part of the lives of our children. One in ten children in Ontario will need help developing their speech and language skills to get ready for school.
Early Words has your child’s hearing tested to identify delays that are caused by hearing problems. Then a paediatric doctor sees your child and tracks any developmental delays and helps identify if there are any other causes for delays, such as a learning disability as they are treated differently.
I would take my son to a play at an Early Years Centre from the time he was a year old. Early Year Centres are places that you can take your child from birth to 7 years of age to play with other children, socialize yourself, and take part in programs and activities. They have classes on how to make toys, to how to be a parent and every thing in between. Classes to promote child development and child/parent interaction. I.E. Early sign language so you can talk with your child before they speak clearly, Mother goose which is singing and talking with your child in a large group, potty training, baby massage and more. However, part of the mandate of Early Years is to get information about programs and services that are available for young children to the families with young children. As well as giving access to early years professionals, like health nurses and art teachers, at the Early Year centres.
Why is this important? Because I was going to the Early Years Centre I was able to get information and guidance about where my son should have been in his development. I was able to find out that my son was not on track and was directed to the right program, Early Words to get my son help. He was tested at about 1 ½ years and found to be delayed and was put into a speech program and therapeutic daycare with in a few months. When he was 3 he was delayed in some areas by about 2 ½ years and we were told to hold him back from kindergarten. You child must be potty trained, speak, and be able to read and write a little before they can go to kindergarten in Hamilton, Ontario. After a lot of hard work, by him and the professionals in his life, at 4 ½ he is only delayed by about 6 months and getting better every day. He is expected to catch up with the other kids so that he will be going to senor kindergarten next year.
I do not know what I would have done with out Early Years and Early Words. I thought that my son might have been learning disabled not delayed. These two programs have helped so many children get the help they need and prevented kids that were just learning delayed from being labelled learning disabled. So many children do not get the help they need in the first few years of their lives and end up struggling to keep up with other kids, or end up being seen as learning disabled. Please take the time to look at the Early Words web site. If you do see any delays in your child’s development take your child to a paediatric specialist and find out if there is any thing you can do to help your child. There is so much that can be done if a delay is caught in time, if people can just identify it in time to make changes. A child with a learning delay does not have to be labelled learning disabled and struggle for the rest of their lives.
Often the same types of delays are grouped together. Communication delays, socializing delays, potty training delays, and self-care delays are all linked together. It is very easy to see how if a child cannot talk or get people to understand them it would affect the other areas of their development. It is frustrating for both the child and the parents. It is such a big issue that in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada we have a Government run program called Early Words.
Early Words is the umbrella organization of Hamilton's preschool speech and language services for young children. Parents, childcare providers and other professionals working with young children can call for information about children's speech and language development and workshops. They have a web site, www.ascy.ca/ew_ages.htm, which will let you compare your child’s development from 3 months to 6 years with what is considered to be normal development. On top of that they tell you what you can do to help your child develop.
As stated on the Early Word web site - Early speech and language skills help your child to tell others about their ideas and feelings, wants and needs. Difficulties in communicating can lead to frustration and social or behaviour problems. Learning to communicate is the foundation for learning at school. Research has also shown that early development of language is important for academic success, for understanding the teacher, learning to read, write and do math, and for developing relationships with teachers, peers, and others that come to be a part of the lives of our children. One in ten children in Ontario will need help developing their speech and language skills to get ready for school.
Early Words has your child’s hearing tested to identify delays that are caused by hearing problems. Then a paediatric doctor sees your child and tracks any developmental delays and helps identify if there are any other causes for delays, such as a learning disability as they are treated differently.
I would take my son to a play at an Early Years Centre from the time he was a year old. Early Year Centres are places that you can take your child from birth to 7 years of age to play with other children, socialize yourself, and take part in programs and activities. They have classes on how to make toys, to how to be a parent and every thing in between. Classes to promote child development and child/parent interaction. I.E. Early sign language so you can talk with your child before they speak clearly, Mother goose which is singing and talking with your child in a large group, potty training, baby massage and more. However, part of the mandate of Early Years is to get information about programs and services that are available for young children to the families with young children. As well as giving access to early years professionals, like health nurses and art teachers, at the Early Year centres.
Why is this important? Because I was going to the Early Years Centre I was able to get information and guidance about where my son should have been in his development. I was able to find out that my son was not on track and was directed to the right program, Early Words to get my son help. He was tested at about 1 ½ years and found to be delayed and was put into a speech program and therapeutic daycare with in a few months. When he was 3 he was delayed in some areas by about 2 ½ years and we were told to hold him back from kindergarten. You child must be potty trained, speak, and be able to read and write a little before they can go to kindergarten in Hamilton, Ontario. After a lot of hard work, by him and the professionals in his life, at 4 ½ he is only delayed by about 6 months and getting better every day. He is expected to catch up with the other kids so that he will be going to senor kindergarten next year.
I do not know what I would have done with out Early Years and Early Words. I thought that my son might have been learning disabled not delayed. These two programs have helped so many children get the help they need and prevented kids that were just learning delayed from being labelled learning disabled. So many children do not get the help they need in the first few years of their lives and end up struggling to keep up with other kids, or end up being seen as learning disabled. Please take the time to look at the Early Words web site. If you do see any delays in your child’s development take your child to a paediatric specialist and find out if there is any thing you can do to help your child. There is so much that can be done if a delay is caught in time, if people can just identify it in time to make changes. A child with a learning delay does not have to be labelled learning disabled and struggle for the rest of their lives.
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