No a security blanket can aid a baby sleeping all night but it is not what will get your baby to sleep. There are several things that you need to help your baby develop good sleeping habits, consistency and routines. The most important thing you need is consistency. This is very important, being consistent allows a child to anticipate or know what is going to happen next. This reduces anxiety and stress and will increases the feeling of safety in the child.
So what do you need to keep consistent? Bed time and bed time routines. Do the same things at the same time in the same order every night. If you do that then the child knows what is coming next and knows what is expected from them. So you may have bath, toothbrush, bed clothing, story, sleep time. You may also want to see who is training whom. If your child wakes up a half hour after you put them to bed every night, and you pick them up and rock them for 10 minutes, guess what, it is part of their bedtime routine. It is just not part of the bedtime routine you made.
It is much harder to break bad bedtime routines then it is to establish good ones in the first place. That means every one involved has to be on the same page, all care givers. If you have a routine and some one is not fallowing it this can cause problems. Every one needs to know what the routine is and do it. It is work to establish the routine, and then remain consistent. As a new parent you will find you have to give up a lot of “your” time to get the routine working. You give up TV shows, couple time, and just about any thing you can think up. It is worth putting the time into establishing a routine and being consistent with it. It is much harder to have to break the bad bedtime habits so do the hard work now so you can have peace latter. Please note that as your child gets older the routine will need to have some changes but your and your child will work that out when the time comes.
The security blanket is just part of the routine. It also can make transitions easer. It is just a tool though, not the solution. Can they help yes, but only as long as you have a set routine and are consistent with it. There are a lot of things that can be added to a bedtime routine that can help your child go to sleep. Warm milk before brushing teeth, warm bath with lavender, soft music playing on the radio, a foot rub, or a nightlight can all help. Each child is different so you will have to find out what works with yours. Just do not expect a special toy or blanket to suddenly make bedtime easer or no longer stressful.
Here are a few tricks I learned;
1) Have the child or children turn the TV or video game off and keep it off during the bedtime routine.
2) Have the child clean up their toys and put them to bed (away), it makes it easer for them to stop playing and get ready for bed. It is a way to help with the transition.
3) Give a non-sugary snack just before toothbrush; this gets rid of the “I am hungry” at bedtime. If they still say that you can say – “No you are not, you just had a snack” and not feel guilty for putting your kid to bed hungry.
4) Have a cup of water with a lid on it already by the bed. Thirsty, fine have a drink.
5) Read a book with your child or children at bedtime, this will usually give them some Mom/Dad time and let them calm down for bed.
6) Have a little light or nightlight so they are not afraid of the dark.
7) Do a monster check with your child before they get into their bed.
8) Let them know were you will be, such as in the living room, so they are reassured that you will be around if they need you. It is a small thing, but it helps.
9) The hardest thing to do is to let them cry. As long as they are not hurt, or sick, or need to go to the bathroom, let them cry. Reassure them that you are in the home; don’t yell at them as that always makes it worse.
Showing posts with label bed routine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bed routine. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Dealing with unsolicited parenting advice
Dealing with unsolicited parenting advice
Everyone in the world seemed to be giving me contradicting parenting advice when I was pregnant with my son. I listened to what everyone said, even the extremely obnoxious neighbour who seemed to think she knew it all even though she did not have kids. It seems her friends had them and that was enough to make her an expert on every thing. I smiled and said thanks for the information. When people told me I was doing this wrong, that wrong, I needed these or that I said I would look into it. No matter how ridicules or sensible every piece of unsolicited parenting advice was I took the time to let the people know I heard them. I never said what I would do with their advice.
I was being told every thing from “your breasts are to big, your baby will not be able to breast feed, you better get these bottles and formula” and how I needed to “be able to speed change my kids diaper with one hand.” It was unexpected to have complete strangers telling me what I “needed to know” about having kids. I think I heard every horror story out there about labour, child rearing and what the kids will do and what can happen to them. I smiled and let everyone tell me whatever, and thanked most of them. Though I did start avoiding my obnoxious neighbour.
What did I do about all the advice? Nothing, I found a very good class on everything you needed to know about childbirth, and breast-feeding. And let me tell you I learned more in those two hours a week then I ever expected. I was even able to stop my neighbour by saying, “that does not sound any thing at all like what they said at class”, or “we just covered that in class, thanks for the information though.” That class was worth every penny. It gave me the information I needed to make real informed decisions and a place to question some of the advice being given to me.
My son was born and then it really started. It was like having a baby gives everyone the right to judge what you do or don’t do and give you unsolicited parenting advice. I was recovering from a very bad birth and my stitches became infected. I was on bed rest and antibiotics for 5 weeks after my son was born. I was getting everything like “I was just lazy laying around the house and I needed to get out and do things” and that I was not breastfeeding the right way, I was feeding him to much, my son was overdressed, underdressed, that I spent to much time with my son and just about any other thing you can think of. I checked with the health nurse and my doctor. I let people tell me what they thought I should know and then talked to the people who do know.
So I have two kids of preschool age, and still lots of advice coming my way. I should use this discipline method, that method, I am soft on my kids letting them get away with to much, to hard I should just give them what they want in the store, I should read more to them, I needed to spend less time with them. Again anything you can think of and some things I had not even thought of I got advice on. I started parenting classes that were age appropriate for my kids, or were about issues I needed help on, like discipline, potty training and how to get them to sleep. Most of these classes and seminars are through a free program called Early Years and are done by people who are professionals in this field. Now people can tell me what they want, I know where to go to get information to be able to make informed decisions.
I believe that most people who give all this unsolicited parenting advice are being nice and helpful. They don’t think that it’s rude or unwanted, or know that they are the 10th person that day trying to tell you what to do with your kids. I believe being polite is the way to go, and let them go on their way. However I do come across some people who will just not let things go. My daughter was two and was still emotionally attached to her nummy / soother. We all knew she did not need it, but it was her security blanket and I know soon she would out grow the need for it. But it would be on her time not any one else’s. Every day she would take her nummy to preschool and then give it to us at the door. If we forgot to take it from her before entering the classroom the teacher would make a comment to her about it. We told the teacher that we, her parents, did not have a problems with it and that should have been that. Nope, every time she had the nummy the teacher would make the comment. We finally had to take her aside and explain again that we were the parents and we would decide when to take away the nummy. One of the parents decided to help us one morning by taking our daughter on her lap and told her that if she did not stop using the nummy Santa would not visit her house. Lets just say this lady was told what end was up and to stay away from our kids. I don’t mind if some one wants to tell me what they think I need to know to be a better parent, but I draw the line when they try to Parent my kids. No matter what, remember you are the parent, and you have ways to find out what you need to know to make informed decisions about how to be your child’s parent.
Everyone in the world seemed to be giving me contradicting parenting advice when I was pregnant with my son. I listened to what everyone said, even the extremely obnoxious neighbour who seemed to think she knew it all even though she did not have kids. It seems her friends had them and that was enough to make her an expert on every thing. I smiled and said thanks for the information. When people told me I was doing this wrong, that wrong, I needed these or that I said I would look into it. No matter how ridicules or sensible every piece of unsolicited parenting advice was I took the time to let the people know I heard them. I never said what I would do with their advice.
I was being told every thing from “your breasts are to big, your baby will not be able to breast feed, you better get these bottles and formula” and how I needed to “be able to speed change my kids diaper with one hand.” It was unexpected to have complete strangers telling me what I “needed to know” about having kids. I think I heard every horror story out there about labour, child rearing and what the kids will do and what can happen to them. I smiled and let everyone tell me whatever, and thanked most of them. Though I did start avoiding my obnoxious neighbour.
What did I do about all the advice? Nothing, I found a very good class on everything you needed to know about childbirth, and breast-feeding. And let me tell you I learned more in those two hours a week then I ever expected. I was even able to stop my neighbour by saying, “that does not sound any thing at all like what they said at class”, or “we just covered that in class, thanks for the information though.” That class was worth every penny. It gave me the information I needed to make real informed decisions and a place to question some of the advice being given to me.
My son was born and then it really started. It was like having a baby gives everyone the right to judge what you do or don’t do and give you unsolicited parenting advice. I was recovering from a very bad birth and my stitches became infected. I was on bed rest and antibiotics for 5 weeks after my son was born. I was getting everything like “I was just lazy laying around the house and I needed to get out and do things” and that I was not breastfeeding the right way, I was feeding him to much, my son was overdressed, underdressed, that I spent to much time with my son and just about any other thing you can think of. I checked with the health nurse and my doctor. I let people tell me what they thought I should know and then talked to the people who do know.
So I have two kids of preschool age, and still lots of advice coming my way. I should use this discipline method, that method, I am soft on my kids letting them get away with to much, to hard I should just give them what they want in the store, I should read more to them, I needed to spend less time with them. Again anything you can think of and some things I had not even thought of I got advice on. I started parenting classes that were age appropriate for my kids, or were about issues I needed help on, like discipline, potty training and how to get them to sleep. Most of these classes and seminars are through a free program called Early Years and are done by people who are professionals in this field. Now people can tell me what they want, I know where to go to get information to be able to make informed decisions.
I believe that most people who give all this unsolicited parenting advice are being nice and helpful. They don’t think that it’s rude or unwanted, or know that they are the 10th person that day trying to tell you what to do with your kids. I believe being polite is the way to go, and let them go on their way. However I do come across some people who will just not let things go. My daughter was two and was still emotionally attached to her nummy / soother. We all knew she did not need it, but it was her security blanket and I know soon she would out grow the need for it. But it would be on her time not any one else’s. Every day she would take her nummy to preschool and then give it to us at the door. If we forgot to take it from her before entering the classroom the teacher would make a comment to her about it. We told the teacher that we, her parents, did not have a problems with it and that should have been that. Nope, every time she had the nummy the teacher would make the comment. We finally had to take her aside and explain again that we were the parents and we would decide when to take away the nummy. One of the parents decided to help us one morning by taking our daughter on her lap and told her that if she did not stop using the nummy Santa would not visit her house. Lets just say this lady was told what end was up and to stay away from our kids. I don’t mind if some one wants to tell me what they think I need to know to be a better parent, but I draw the line when they try to Parent my kids. No matter what, remember you are the parent, and you have ways to find out what you need to know to make informed decisions about how to be your child’s parent.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Is it OK to raise a baby night owl?
It is not OK to raise a baby night owl. When my son was born my husband worked nights and did not have a drivers licence. I would drop him off and pick him up, and baby had to come with me. I would get the baby down to sleep only to put him into a car seat and drive my husband to work. Then I would try to get him to go back to sleep when we got home. No luck, we would be up all hours of the night. Then finally sleep, and the alarm would go off so I had to get up and put the baby in the car again to go pick up Daddy.
When we got home Daddy would want to play with baby. So we were up for a few hours more. Then we would all fall asleep during the day. Missing out on every thing that happens in the day, like walks and sunshine. We all ended up sleeping in the day and being up at night. Finally my husband realised this was killing us. It was to hard to be a family, do things or just live life if we slept all day and were up all night. So he ended up getting a day job when our son was about six months.
Looking back I know we missed out on a lot of things for the first year of his life. Just being up when every one else is makes a big difference on how you live your life. Staying up all night made it impossible to socialize so our son did not have a lot of contact with other kids, or other people in general. We missed out on park time, baby groups, or just getting out of the house. What do you do when you live in a small apartment and are only up at night? You are not very active, you feel isolated, you watch a lot of TV and you never get a break. It became stressful for all of us. It was not fair for us to do that to our child, or to ourselves.
It has taken years to get our son to sleep at night. He would always try and stay up as late as possible, and would fight going to bed. It took hours to get him to go down. We would start around 8 pm only to get him to sleep some time between 10 pm and 12 AM. When we did get him to go to sleep he would wake up in the middle of the night and we had to start all over again to get him to sleep. It was a hard thing to break, having a night owl baby.
I know that it is not possible for every one to have a stable day job, too many shift work jobs and night shifts. If it is possible though, give your baby a nighttime bedtime routine so they can be up with every one else and fit in with most of society. My husband was a night owl as a baby and most of his life. He could never seem to sleep at night and ended up living a life of night shifts, always struggling to fit his life schedule with daytime society. Being a night person can be lonely and difficult to balance. It is also harmful to your health and well-being. Even after years of not working nights he will end up awake all night because he feels more awake and alert at night. This is some thing he will struggle with for the rest of his life. This lifestyle is not some thing I would knowingly inflict onto a baby.
When we got home Daddy would want to play with baby. So we were up for a few hours more. Then we would all fall asleep during the day. Missing out on every thing that happens in the day, like walks and sunshine. We all ended up sleeping in the day and being up at night. Finally my husband realised this was killing us. It was to hard to be a family, do things or just live life if we slept all day and were up all night. So he ended up getting a day job when our son was about six months.
Looking back I know we missed out on a lot of things for the first year of his life. Just being up when every one else is makes a big difference on how you live your life. Staying up all night made it impossible to socialize so our son did not have a lot of contact with other kids, or other people in general. We missed out on park time, baby groups, or just getting out of the house. What do you do when you live in a small apartment and are only up at night? You are not very active, you feel isolated, you watch a lot of TV and you never get a break. It became stressful for all of us. It was not fair for us to do that to our child, or to ourselves.
It has taken years to get our son to sleep at night. He would always try and stay up as late as possible, and would fight going to bed. It took hours to get him to go down. We would start around 8 pm only to get him to sleep some time between 10 pm and 12 AM. When we did get him to go to sleep he would wake up in the middle of the night and we had to start all over again to get him to sleep. It was a hard thing to break, having a night owl baby.
I know that it is not possible for every one to have a stable day job, too many shift work jobs and night shifts. If it is possible though, give your baby a nighttime bedtime routine so they can be up with every one else and fit in with most of society. My husband was a night owl as a baby and most of his life. He could never seem to sleep at night and ended up living a life of night shifts, always struggling to fit his life schedule with daytime society. Being a night person can be lonely and difficult to balance. It is also harmful to your health and well-being. Even after years of not working nights he will end up awake all night because he feels more awake and alert at night. This is some thing he will struggle with for the rest of his life. This lifestyle is not some thing I would knowingly inflict onto a baby.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Enforcing bedtime for your children
We spent years trying to get our son to go to bed and stay in bed. Every night we dreaded bedtime. We waited until he was so tired he would start to fall asleep or until he became grumpy we knew he was tired. Then tried to get him to go to bed and stay there. It would end up with me fighting a grumpy tired child. He was so over tired he was impossible to deal with or get to sleep. I was going out of my mind.
We tried every thing. Lots of physical activity so he would be tired, soft music, bath before bed, anything someone told me to try. Nothing worked. It all started when he was a baby and Dad worked nights. We all ended up being on the night shift. It was too hard so we changed to a normal day schedule. Our son was very resistant. A year latter he was still trying to stay up at night. He never wanted to go to bed. He ruled the house. We had not time for ourselves, and very little sleep most of the time. When his little sister was born we hit a breaking point. He would be up to 10 or 11 at night and she would be up at the latest 6 am.
The house was not a fun place to be. Every one was suffering from sleep deprivation. It took very little for tempers to explode over the littlest things. We were all impossible to deal with. It went from frustration to anger because he would not go to bed. It was a bad place to be. Screaming and time outs does not help get children to go to bed, it just made things worse. No one liked bedtime in our home.
I went to some parenting classes and what do you know, the most common parent issue was children’s bedtime. We were all going through the same thing; our children did not want to go to sleep. We found out that we did not have good sleep routines. We had to learn the importance of a good sleep routine. What we had was inconsistent bedtime routines the result were very frustrated children and parents.
We needed to have a consistent routine so our children knew what was expected from them, and had the security of knowing what was going to happen next. Routine means security to most children. So we had to set a bedtime routine. Turn the TV off, toothbrush, PJ’s on, story time, monster check, then into bed with favourite stuffed animal. We needed to do this every night at the same time. Our wants had to take second place to our sons need for a consistent routine.
It usually only takes a few weeks for the change to take place, for us it was months. We had to learn how to be consistent, some times it was just too much to deal with and we would slide back. It only works if the parents are both working with the same routine, both in time and activities. Other wise the child is still confused. Finally we learned and got our act together as parents. We started getting him to bed by 9 pm. Then we were able to move it back by about 15 minutes every few weeks. Both our son and daughter go to bed between 7 and 7:30 every night. The struggle we went through to build a good sleep routine paid off. It was worth going through a few weeks of stress to get a good routine established.
We tried every thing. Lots of physical activity so he would be tired, soft music, bath before bed, anything someone told me to try. Nothing worked. It all started when he was a baby and Dad worked nights. We all ended up being on the night shift. It was too hard so we changed to a normal day schedule. Our son was very resistant. A year latter he was still trying to stay up at night. He never wanted to go to bed. He ruled the house. We had not time for ourselves, and very little sleep most of the time. When his little sister was born we hit a breaking point. He would be up to 10 or 11 at night and she would be up at the latest 6 am.
The house was not a fun place to be. Every one was suffering from sleep deprivation. It took very little for tempers to explode over the littlest things. We were all impossible to deal with. It went from frustration to anger because he would not go to bed. It was a bad place to be. Screaming and time outs does not help get children to go to bed, it just made things worse. No one liked bedtime in our home.
I went to some parenting classes and what do you know, the most common parent issue was children’s bedtime. We were all going through the same thing; our children did not want to go to sleep. We found out that we did not have good sleep routines. We had to learn the importance of a good sleep routine. What we had was inconsistent bedtime routines the result were very frustrated children and parents.
We needed to have a consistent routine so our children knew what was expected from them, and had the security of knowing what was going to happen next. Routine means security to most children. So we had to set a bedtime routine. Turn the TV off, toothbrush, PJ’s on, story time, monster check, then into bed with favourite stuffed animal. We needed to do this every night at the same time. Our wants had to take second place to our sons need for a consistent routine.
It usually only takes a few weeks for the change to take place, for us it was months. We had to learn how to be consistent, some times it was just too much to deal with and we would slide back. It only works if the parents are both working with the same routine, both in time and activities. Other wise the child is still confused. Finally we learned and got our act together as parents. We started getting him to bed by 9 pm. Then we were able to move it back by about 15 minutes every few weeks. Both our son and daughter go to bed between 7 and 7:30 every night. The struggle we went through to build a good sleep routine paid off. It was worth going through a few weeks of stress to get a good routine established.
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