Sunday, August 30, 2009

Cancer, You don’t have to have it to be affected by it

I don’t have cancer but cancer has always been a part of my life. My Grandfather died of cancer when my Father was a young man. My Grandmother died of cancer when I was in my early twenties; she was only in her sixties. She was soon followed by my Father. He never made it to 40. That is how old I am now.

All my father’s side died young, and from cancer. My mother has had skin cancer and my step father prostate cancer. When my father died I was left numb. I did not feel any grief until a friend and co-work, who at 36 died of breast cancer. Now one of my clients, who I like very much, is under a breast cancer scare. She does not know yet, and is waiting on the test results.

Myself I have had two breast cancer scares, once in my twenties and another last year. My father in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer three years ago. So far he has beaten the odds. We are not expecting that to last much longer. My husband’s grandmother passed, and his father seems to be following her. He was hospitalized last week and no one expects him to leave this time. Though, he has surprised us all several times already. There is always hope.

I worry about my children. They come from two family affected by cancer. What hope do I have that they will not be reached by cancer? It has already taken so much away from them in terms of family alone. I hope it never actually gets hold of them, me or my husband. At times I comfort myself with the thought that they all died because they smoked. However that does not guaranty that they got cancer because they smoked. I don’t smoke and I am trying to condition my children so that they will not smoke.

Until tonight I never realized how much cancer has affected my life and how much it is a part of my life.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Dealing with the loss of friends because they moved

My neighbor moved and with her my children’s best friends. It was a difficult situation. My children are a bit too young to fully understand the consequences. We watched my neighbor’s children for three days as they prepared for the move and actually moved. My kids loved spending so much time with their best friends. They cried when their best friends drove away for the last time.
My four year old daughter has been asking to visit her best friend, a month after the move. She keeps going to the door and saying, oh they are not home. When will they come home? It would be easier if our neighbor followed through with her promises to both sets of kids. She told them that she would bring her kids to visit. She did not. She sent her boyfriend to pick up their mail from us instead of bringing her kids over to play with mine.
It would also be easier if they could call each other or even do video IM with each other. My neighbor is not interested in letting her kids do that. So suddenly the children my kids have been playing with for half their lives are gone. Now as a parent I have to find some way to teach them how to deal with this loss.

And it is a loss to them. It is not like they can get into a car and visit their friends. They cannot call them or visit them. They are just gone. We have talked about it. My oldest seems to be doing ok. I know he misses his best friend but we are hoping he will make new friends when he goes to grade one. My daughter keeps expecting her best friend to come home and play with her. I am hoping that going into JK will give her the opportunity to make new friends and move on. Only time and new friends is going to make this any easier on my children. Oh, and lots of hugs from Mommy.