Showing posts with label pedophile. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pedophile. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Food for thought, Pedophiles that don’t get caught
I received a very disturbing comment today on my blog posting
Anonymous said...
We are here, we will always be here and the longer and harder you fight....the stronger we become. We are law makers, we are law enforcement, we are the teachers in your schools, the ones who bag your groceries, the ones who service your AC units on hot days, the ones who drop off your mail, we work at Disney Land and none of us look alike. And the cold reality of it....not all Pedophiles are Sex offenders. Most of us never get caught.
Food for thought....
I think that it is true; most of them are not caught. Pedophiles work very hard at fitting in and hiding what they are and what they do. Anyone could be a pedophile. I know that there are several “poor” pedophiles in my area, ones that got caught and are registered as sex offenders. This comment just makes me wonder how many “good” (not caught) pedophiles there are in the same area.
I think that pedophiles pray on the weak and lonely. We need to make our children feel proud, loved and welcome so they can be strong. We need to be there for our children so they are not lonely. Our job is to let our children be children, not victims. We may not be able to find and stop pedophiles but we can try to make it more difficult for them to succeed.
Children need to be heard, believed and trusted. If a child said someone is hurting them or touching them we need listen. The real problem is that the person doing it may not be the person the child say’s is doing it. Many children are scared to tell the truth because they think the person will hurt them or people they love. Sometimes it is the very people who they should be protected by are the ones hurting them. As adults it is our responsibility to listen to the children, even if they are not our kids. Get the police involved, they are often able to get to the truth even when we cannot.
The real crime is that too many people turn a blind eye or deaf ear to those in need.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Pedophiles wives are victims
It was pointed out to me that in my blog Aftereffects, pedophile goes to jail now what I was not as clear as I could be that I feel his wife was and is a victim as well. I don’t think she was anything but a victim in this. That does not mean she does not feel guilt. Guilt because she thinks she should have known, how could she live with someone like that and not know? I don’t ever want to deal with questions like that. One day your life is normal and the next you are the wife of a monster. You loose your identity and instead become the wife of a pedophile, a rapist or a killer. And people ask, “How could you not know?” and it is hard to answer because the same question is running through your head.
The wife or girlfriend of a pedophile feels guilty because she believes she should have seen through to the real person and known what he was doing and somehow stopped it. That somehow she let it happen. The truth is that unless she knew what was going on there was nothing she could have done to make things different. An uncaught pedophile is good at deceiving people otherwise they would have been caught by now. This is what they do. They need to blend in and be well liked and trusted. Pedophiles hide what they do from everyone. It makes sense that they would hide this part of their lives from their loved ones.
Once the pedophile has been found out the wife will often pay the price socially for his crimes. Suddenly people who were friends pull away. It may be that they don’t want to be associated with the pedophile in any way, not even as a friend of the wife. For others it is simply that they have a hard time separating the wife from the husband even though she is innocent. She is the one that is available to put the blame on or become angry at because he is safe in jail. What ever a persons reason it still means loss of friends and social standing for the wife.
For some wives and girlfriends the backlash is so bad that they move and change their names. They cannot live a normal life being connected or associated with a monster. People turn their anger on the person that is available, and often don’t believe that the wife or girlfriend did not know. It is hard to understand that the wife is probably more shocked then anyone else, because they really did not have a clue that this was going on.
What counts is what the wife or girlfriend does once they know. Some support their man because they cannot believe that the man they love is capable of doing something that horrible, it must be a mistake. Often this changes once there is undeniable proof, once they know for sure they accept that this really happened and leave him. Others condemn the man as fast or faster then anyone else. They leave the guy and will often try to help convict him. These ladies were victims. Unfortunately there are some who will hid it or make excuses for their men, like that Grandmother on Dr. Phil last year who hid the fact that her husband was molesting their granddaughter, and as far as I am concerned that makes them an accessory not a victim. So what a person does once they know determines if they are a victim or an accessory, prior to knowing they are just another victim being used by evil.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
After effects, pedophile goes to jail now what
A few years ago a monster was reveled to be among people I knew and hung out with for years. Bruce was sexually molesting the children of those who knew and trusted him. This had been going on for years. Eventually one of the kids became old enough and strong enough to let people know what was going on. Then the true horror came out as family after family realized they had let this monster have access to their children. And the questions started, did he do anything to my child or children. Unfortunately the answer was yes. (Not my kids because we did not let them baby-sit or be alone with them)
So people did the right thing (or not) they let him live and put him in jail. That was not the end of it. There are countless children, some are teenagers now, dealing with what was done with them, who statistically will either become victims or abusers if they cannot get the help they need. The parents are still dealing with the guilt that they let this happen. The guilt destroyed relationships, families and marriages. The guilt and anger ate away at them.
A large group of people literally fell apart. Years of friendship and experiences all became tainted by one man. The local SCA group (the hobby group they all belonged to) became associated in the minds of many with this man and what he did to the children of his friends. People stopped being a part of the SCA because now the people in it and the events they went to reminded them of Bruce. Even people who did not have children molested by him pulled away. Everyone was thinking, how come I did not see this, what could I have done, how did I let those children down?
His family had to deal with the guilt and shame. Though his sister and her husband publicly supported him and still feel he should be let back into the SCA. Not going to happen, they know what he is now. However this has caused a lot of conflict and destroyed quite a few friendships. The fact that they are both still part of the SCA group is part of the reason why so many have left it.
Then there is Bruce’s wife. She said she knew nothing about this side of him and divorced him as soon possible. She feels guilt for not seeing through him, and the fact that he was using her to get to more kids. They were babysitting a lot. She lost a lot of friends even though people said they knew she had nothing to do with it. She was still his wife. People could not be around her and not think of him. She has tried to move on and is in a new relationship but is still being affected by what he did. It did not help that Bruce and his lawyer tried to say that she was supporting him to try and get a lighter sentence. People who heard the lawyer say it in court are having a hard time getting past that even though she said it was a lie. No mater what she does now she has been tainted by the brush of Bruce and even years later feels as if she has to defend herself, that she did not know what he was doing and did not support him.
People are still dealing with what Bruce did years later. He gets out of jail next year and I am sure people will still be dealing with the aftereffects for years to come. It says something when the aftereffects outlast his jail time. I don’t think he was sentenced for enough time. Though I am not sure if there is going to be enough time for the children and their families. The question now is; where is he going to get his next victim? Someone who did this for years is not someone who is going to change or stop. He is just going to find another source of children and the cycle starts again.
So people did the right thing (or not) they let him live and put him in jail. That was not the end of it. There are countless children, some are teenagers now, dealing with what was done with them, who statistically will either become victims or abusers if they cannot get the help they need. The parents are still dealing with the guilt that they let this happen. The guilt destroyed relationships, families and marriages. The guilt and anger ate away at them.
A large group of people literally fell apart. Years of friendship and experiences all became tainted by one man. The local SCA group (the hobby group they all belonged to) became associated in the minds of many with this man and what he did to the children of his friends. People stopped being a part of the SCA because now the people in it and the events they went to reminded them of Bruce. Even people who did not have children molested by him pulled away. Everyone was thinking, how come I did not see this, what could I have done, how did I let those children down?
His family had to deal with the guilt and shame. Though his sister and her husband publicly supported him and still feel he should be let back into the SCA. Not going to happen, they know what he is now. However this has caused a lot of conflict and destroyed quite a few friendships. The fact that they are both still part of the SCA group is part of the reason why so many have left it.
Then there is Bruce’s wife. She said she knew nothing about this side of him and divorced him as soon possible. She feels guilt for not seeing through him, and the fact that he was using her to get to more kids. They were babysitting a lot. She lost a lot of friends even though people said they knew she had nothing to do with it. She was still his wife. People could not be around her and not think of him. She has tried to move on and is in a new relationship but is still being affected by what he did. It did not help that Bruce and his lawyer tried to say that she was supporting him to try and get a lighter sentence. People who heard the lawyer say it in court are having a hard time getting past that even though she said it was a lie. No mater what she does now she has been tainted by the brush of Bruce and even years later feels as if she has to defend herself, that she did not know what he was doing and did not support him.
People are still dealing with what Bruce did years later. He gets out of jail next year and I am sure people will still be dealing with the aftereffects for years to come. It says something when the aftereffects outlast his jail time. I don’t think he was sentenced for enough time. Though I am not sure if there is going to be enough time for the children and their families. The question now is; where is he going to get his next victim? Someone who did this for years is not someone who is going to change or stop. He is just going to find another source of children and the cycle starts again.
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