East Side Mario's One of the worst dinning experiences we have had in a very long time

We had decided to go out for dinner as a treat.  My daughter has been bugging us for months to go to East Side Mario's.  We had planned to go to a different restaurant but as we drove by the East Side Mario's we saw the sign for their 12 for 12 special.  12 different entrees for $12 and kids would eat for free (actually was $5 off their meal off the kids menu so no it was not “free”).  We decided to go in – biggest mistake in a long time.  Horrible, horrible service and the food simply sucked.

 

It was about 5 pm, a little early for us but we went in anyway.  Because there were 5 of us we had about a 15 to 20 minute wait to be seated.  They had several empty tables that were reserved, and that was understandable.  It was once we were actually seated that the problems began.

When we were seated the waitress showed up with our menus.  I told her that we really needed to get a chocolate milk for our two year old daughter.  She was very fussy and I wanted to keep her calm.  At that point we ordered a coffee for myself, water for my husband and two fancy drinks for the older two kids.  I stressed that we really needed the chocolate milk.  20 minutes later, yes 20 minutes later she showed up with my coffee and the water for my husband.  She claimed that the bar was holding up the kids drinks.  It was another 10 minutes after that before the kids drinks showed up.  So even though we had shown up about 5 pm it was 6 pm before we got our drinks.  It was not that busy!

By then I have spent a half hour trying to keep a two year old calm.  When my husband’s water s showed up the two year old attacked it, put her hand in it and started drinking it.  The waitress saw this and still took over 10 minutes to bring us the kids drinks.  I am sorry but it does not take a ½ hour to pour a glass of chocolate milk.  She never brought my husband a fresh water, and I had drank my coffee before she showed up with the kids drinks, it was over an hour before I got a refill of coffee.

Oh, by the way, she did not take our order until after the drinks arrived.  So in a half hour she came to our table to drop off the menus and we gave her our drink orders.  She came back to drop off our drinks and then after that came to take our order.   By now the two year old is going out of her mind.  It was impossible for me to look at the menu and deal with her, hence why I had asked for the chocolate milk, to keep our two year old happy and give me a chance to look over the menu.

She dropped the kids drinks off asked if we were ready to order.  I said no I needed a moment as I was trying to choose between two items.  I was about to ask her a question about two of the menu items but she walked away and did not come back for quite some time.  I could see her standing at the other end of the restaurant by the kitchen talking.  We could see that people who came in after us had their meals before we even had our order taken.  Heck they had their meals before we had our drinks.

She eventually came back. I had been staring at her for about 10 minutes.  We quickly placed our orders but when it came to me I still had my two questions to ask.  She made it very clear she was not happy about me taking her time by asking her about the two pasta sauces.  I quickly just picked something because I was afraid that if I did not she was going to make us wait forever before she came back to take our order.

Now it is after 6 pm, our kids are used to eating at 6 pm.  The two year old is now really upset, drank her milk within a minute and had been stuck in a restaurant for over an hour, with no food and not able to run around and play.  We waited until about 6:20 before the bread arrived.  Another 15 to 20 minutes for the soup and salad to arrive.  It was about 7 pm before our entrée’s arrived.  We had been in the restaurant for two hours before getting our meals.

 

Our food was lukewarm, not hot.  The pasta was too al dente, it needed about another minute the sauces were not very good at all.  The bread was just okay.  The garden salad was tasteless, very little dressing and it was very plain.  The Caesar salad was not that good, no garlic, very bland.  The soup had no flavour at all.  Nothing tasted very good, not even with cheese added to it.  Our two year old would only eat a couple of the noodles off my plate, and the ice cream desert.  She did not touch her meal at all.  We ended up packing up our dinner and going home.  I started to feel sick after eating, so did my kids.  It took forever to get our bill.  I actually packed up the kids and went to the car while my husband waited for the bill so he could pay. 

Now understand we went to the restaurant prepared to keep our two year old occupied.  We had her Innotab with movies and games on it.  We had crayons and paper and even a few toys.  However, we never expected to be stuck in the restaurant for 2 ½ hours.  No one can expect a two year old to be stuck at a table for 2 ½ hours.  The whole experience was horrible.   It was so bad that my husband only gave the waitress a $2 tip on a $54 bill, and we normally give more than 10% as a tip.  So you know it had to be bad for us not to give a good tip.  We are never ever going back to East Side Mario's.  The food was not worth the money and the experience was just nasty.

Why don’t people want to change their lives for the better?

I have been noticing many requests for food, diapers and other necessities on Facebook and other places.  Many people are struggling to survive.   I get it, lots of people just don’t have the money to make it from paycheque to paycheque (working or not).  I know that it is a reality, many people have to go to food banks, and even then it is easy to find yourself without before you have any money to buy more.

I always feel bad, and worry about the kids because it is usually someone with children asking for help.  Not saying that people with kids are going without more than those without kids.  I just think that a good parent is going to let go of their pride enough to ask for help when it is for their kids, where they may not if it was just for their self.  I know, I am a parent and we struggled for a long time.  For my kids I went to food banks, went without so my kids had the food or clothing they needed.  A few times in my life I have had to ask for a little help, and was lucky enough to get it.

For the local people asking for help I have offered to help them change how they buy stuff, to coupon.  I have even offered to give them coupons and take them out so that they can get to the store and learn how to get their money to buy more then it usually does.  Heck, for some things all I have to do is pay the tax.  It is how my family is able to have the food we do.  You save on what you can and use the rest to buy what you have to. 

So far not one person has taken me up on it and I don’t understand why not.  I mean, sure I cannot give you food right this second (actually some of the coupons will give you free food) but I am willing to teach you and help you so you can feed your family better using coupons and price matching.  It really works, but it does take time and a lot of effort.  It can be very difficult when you bus and have to try and buy everything for the month in one trip.  I know, I have had to do that for a long time.  I don’t understand why people are willing to ask for help, but then are not interested in making changes so they don’t have to ask for help.

I learned a long time ago that not everyone with their hand out actually needs it, some do, but some make a good living begging.  Other people are usually just fine but something happened to put them in a position of needing help for this week or month but things will be fine after that.  Others are in a position of needing help all the time, not enough money, too much debt, or they simply don’t have a clue how to handle the money they do have. 

I just find it frustrating when there are people who would benefit by making a few changes in their lives are unwilling or not interested in making any type of change.  It makes me question if I should keep offering to help.  I am sure if I said, here take the food I have worked so hard to get for my family they would be glad to take it, but are not interested in doing the work for their self.  I just don’t get it.  

Rant about New Computer Still in Box

I just found out my Mom bought a computer last year, and it is still sitting in the box.  She is using one from 2002, but has a new one sitting in a box! 

 

Ok, I understand that she is busy and does not have the time to set up the new computer.  She is waiting until the home they are building is finished before they set it up.  Mind you they have been building the new home for over 10 years, it might even be more then 15 years.  I have no idea how much more work needs to be done, or how long it will take. 

I am frustrated because I was trying to explain to her that if she has a new computer she should be using it.  Also you don’t buy a computer until you are ready to use it because you can get the same one for a lot less later on, or buy a better one for the same price.  She is happy to have it in its box, ready for when she wants to set it up.  I keep thinking about how much she spent (did not ask) and that she could have gotten a much better deal when she was ready to actually use a new computer, not store one.

 I think the problem is that she is just not that into computers the way my family is.  It is not a big deal to her if the computer sits there in a box for a year.  She had the money so she bought it and put it aside until she is ready to use it.  Computers are not a big part of her life, she just does not use computers the way my family and I use them.  My kids started trying to play on the computer around 2 ½ years old.  Heck, my kids have their own computers.  My mom actually bought our son a laptop when he was 8. My kids use computers every day, and so do I.  It is hard for me to wrap my head around having a new computer and not using it, not even opening it to make sure it works.

The real frustrating part is that I have been after her for years to do video conferencing with us so my kids can talk to her face to face, but the computer she is using is old, and is not equipped to do video conferencing (Skype).  Then I find out she has a new computer sitting in a box.  I just keep thinking about the time she is losing that she could have been talking face to face with her grandchildren on Skype.  I have no idea how close they are to finishing the house.  I don’t even know if their new computer has what they need to do Skype.  But as I finally emailed my Mom, it’s her computer so I will shut up.

 I was still frustrated so I decided to write (whine) about it to get it out of my system.  It helped me see that my getting frustrated about the new computer still in a box is my issue, not hers.   When she is ready she will open the computer box; that is her choice.  I should just mind my own business.

I am still frustrated though.  I want my kids to be able to see their Grandmother and for her to see them even if it is just on Skype.   I am sure she will get around to opening up her new computer, when she is ready.  I just hope she can Skype with it; that she has what she needs to do video conferencing.  Mind you if it was not for my husband I would have no idea how to Skype or what I would need on my computer to do so!  Thank goodness my laptop came with everything I need! 

Ok, I have to laugh at myself for getting upset about my Mom not setting up her computer when I have never set one up myself.  That is what my husband does, builds and fixes our computers (not laptops).  I am sure if I had to I could set one up, they have extremely easy step by step instructions or come fully loaded these days.  Build one, nope, but turn it on and follow what it tells me to do, that I have no problem doing. Now I am laughing at myself!

My Son Lied to Me Today – How to Deal with it.

First I expect the kids to lie to stay out of trouble – most people do, children and adults.  However, that does not mean my children get away with it.  Usually they lie about little things like who left the hall light on.  It is usually, “Not me”, “I don’t know” or any other answer like, “I forgot”.  We tell them I don’t know or not me don’t live here and get them to turn off the light or fix whatever the issue is.

When my daughter started grade one she also started taking things from school and telling us a friend gave it to her, or it was a prize from school we quickly questioned it.  We confronted her and made her tell the truth.  Part of what we did was go into the school and talk with her teacher to find out the truth – in front of our daughter.  She had no choice but to confess to taking things and telling lies.  It was quickly and firmly dealt with.  We consistently followed up to make sure she did not start stealing again. 

We explained to our kids that telling us the truth is very important, and that telling a lie results in a much worse punishment then owning up and telling the truth in the first place.  Also that once they lose our trust it is a very hard thing to earn back.  My kids know that telling the truth is important to us, even when we don’t like the truth.

So I was quite upset when my son lied about a big thing tonight.  My daughter came down stairs and told me my son had a big red bump on his head.  She tends to tell on him a lot, but this time she did the right thing and I told her so.  My son comes down the stairs with his bangs hiding a great big red bump.  We asked what happened – I don’t remember.  I don’t think so.  We quickly figured out he had been injured about two hours earlier when he had been playing outside.  So now came the fun part of trying to piece together what happened. 

We could tell my son was reluctant to tell us what happened.  Usually when he gets hurt he is the first one at the door telling us he has been hurt.  I mean even bug bites he is at the door looking for sympathy and attention.  We have some “bad” kids in the area who like to hurt the other kids.  Our son knows that we don’t want him playing with them.  We thought maybe he was playing with one of them and was injured by one of them.  That he was reluctant to tell us because he knows he is not to go near those kids.  Nope, he was not playing with any of them.  Once we confirmed that he was not hurt by another child we concentrated on getting the real story.

The story we eventually heard was that he slipped and fell and hit his head.  That it was just an accident because he was running.  No way was that story the truth, not where the big bump was.  I asked very specifically if he had fallen off the fence and hit his head, and he said no.  However we let it go and my husband checked him over to make sure he was ok.  He was made to sit on the couch with an ice pack until bed time.

 I waited until he was in bed, safe.  He had gotten away with it.  Not likely.  I had a little talk with him explaining that I knew he was lying and why.   I had a very good idea of how he had hit his head but needed him to tell me.  After about a half hour it all came out, exactly what I expected.  He decided to climb over the fence instead of using the gate, slipped and fell head first onto a cement pad in our neighbour’s back yard.  He knew he was not supposed to be climbing the fence, that’s why we have gates.  So he hid the bump and did everything he could to keep us from finding out.

He was expecting a full out punishment for doing something we have been telling him for years not to do.  Instead he got me explaining to him how dangerous not telling us about the head injury was.  With the fences we have around the back yards he could have really hurt himself, get a concussion, or died.  It took a lot but I think I got through to him that he has to always let us know when he has been injured.  Even when he thinks he will be in trouble.  It is way more important to be safe and healthy.  Also I was very blunt about the type of injury he had and how much worse it could have been.  Most importantly I let him know that by hiding it he could have made things much worse.  If we had to rush him to the hospital and had no idea how he got hurt or when, how could we tell the doctors what they needed to know?  I also calmly explained to him how upset I was that he lied to us.  I think I got through to him because I was more concerned about getting him to understand, then punishing him for the lie.  There are still going to be consequences for telling us lies, but it is far more important to me that I can trust him, and know that he understands why the truth is so important.

I am still very upset that he lied to me.  Getting angry with him, or punishing him this time would backfire.  Being calm and worried about how injured he was and how much worse it could have been was way more effective this time.  To be blunt, I think that scared him far more than any possible punishment I could have given him.  It was also very important for him to realise that he cannot get away with lying to us.  We knew he lied, and figured out what happened all on our own.  There is no benefit to lying to us, but there are to telling us the truth.

Summer Fun with the Kids on a none existent budget

School is going to be out in a few days. My children are going to be home all summer for the first time in years. No summer camp this year. So what am I going to do with them? This is going to be the tightest summer yet. For the first time ever even bus rides are going to be difficult.

For the last few weeks I have trying to come up with things for us to do that will not break the bank.  I have been having a hard time trying to figure out what the kids can do.  I have to admit part of it is that I want to take them to the water parks, the fairs and other fun things summer is full of, and I cannot.  The funny part is, the kids are happy to just play at home.  I don’t think they care as much about what they are not doing as I do. They are more interested in video games, watching TV and playing board games with us.  Not that they are going to be doing a lot of that!  When I think about it they are going to be having a summer more like the ones I had growing up.  My family never did the things I have been feeling bad about not doing with my kids.  So what if we can’t go out and do a bunch of stuff. Who said we had to!  (me, lol).

We have a recreation centre within walking distance. The pool is open for a couple of hours every day to the public. We have our passes already. Once I know the schedule I will know part of what we will try and do each day.  Swimming is a lot of fun and it will help keep us cool.

Water Parks. We cannot afford to go to the local water park this year. However there are some free mini water play areas at some of the parks. The one up the street has a tinny section with water activities, more of a water spot for babies and toddlers.  Also there are no bathroom facilities there. So that kind of takes that off the plans for summer. There is a nice water play area at the biggest park in town. It is one bus ride, and there are bathroom facilities there. Drawbacks, we have to bus and that is $10 each time. Also the park is where all the big festivals take place. We don’t want to take our kids there when a festival is on because we just don’t have the money to go to a festival.  We are not going to put our kids through that if we can help it. So trips to the water play area are going to be few, if any.

Beach.  We go every year at least once, sometimes twice. We will save so we can go this year. Some changes though, more packed lunch, less buy something there. The kids always have a blast and want to spend all day at the beach.  This has always been our big family summer event, and we are going to make sure we can do it this year.  It takes planning, and using a granny cart to bring all our stuff on the bus but it will happen this year at least once.

Parks – we have a nice one just down the street, no bathroom facilities though. I think we will be going to the park on nice days. We can walk home to use the bathroom.

Playing in the back area. It used to be nice, than the landlord took the play area out. Now we have an open area. The bigger kids are using to play soccer, football and even baseball. They don’t let the little kids have any space. So my kids will be going out when the teenagers are not using the area. They have room to bike, run around and have fun.

We are going to be putting all our water play stuff in the front yard this year. Why, because the teenagers have taken over the back area. Also there is not a lot of shade in the back anymore, we don’t have a sun shade this year. However we still have a wiggly worm, slip and slide and a little wading pool the kids can sit in.  Water guns will be a big thing this year. They can play and water the grass at the same time.  I am sure we are going to be going through a lot of chalk this year.  Also I think we are going to let the kids take out toys that were indoor toys only last year.  The more things they can do and play with the better. They can enjoy playing with the kids around here and their own toys instead of being at summer camp all day.  They both like the fact that they are not going to camp, even if it means they miss out on all the trips to the big water parks and other fun things we cannot afford to do.

I guess the biggest thing I have learned is that my kids don’t need to go to the parks, water parks, and other large expensive activities to enjoy their summer.  They just want the freedom to run around and play.

It is almost New Years and I have something to say

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I would love to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I hope that things are better next year.

I am tired of seeing people go hungry in a world of plenty. And I am not just talking about people being affected by droughts and other natural causes. I am talking about poverty right here, and all over the world. People go hungry every day, most of them children. I hope that this next year people don’t let other people go hungry.

I also want the adults to have jobs and be able to take care of themselves and their children, and for those with jobs, and are still living in poverty, that they get a raise or better paying jobs. I know, more people are looking for work then there are jobs, but maybe that will change this year.

I want children to stop killing themselves or others. Bullying is bad, and kills. I want children to find help, or a place where they are safe and feel safe. I don’t want them to kill themselves to get away from it. I don’t want them to kill others to make it stop. I don’t want bullies taking it to the next level and killing their victims.

I would love to see people being less angry and more caring. I don’t know when people started being angry most of the time, but it would be nice to see people being more accepting, and less angry. If we accept others for who they are, we have no reason to be angry because they are different. At the same time I don’t want people letting themselves be taken advantage of because they are trying to be more caring. I guess it’s a fine line of protecting yourself and being able to care for others. I want there to be a healthy balance in every ones lives.

Most importantly I want people to enjoy their lives and the people in it instead of having to worry about having a roof over their heads, food to eat or a safe place to stay.

May your Christmas be Merry, and next year full of love, security and safety.

Weight Wake-up call

A few weeks ago I stepped on the scale and it tells me I am 330 lbs. That is my weight wake up call.

I knew I had started to put weight on again, my clothing was tight, and some pants did not fit at all. I just did not realise how bad it was. I have been fighting my weight since I was 12 years old. I know what it is like to lose a few pounds, only to put them back on again with a few extra of course.

When I was 12 my family started telling me I was fat. They put me on strict fad diets, not healthy at all. I did them all, whatever was popular they put me on it. The cabbage soup diet is the one I remember the most. I was always hungry. They also gave me appetite suppressants, and other diet pills. They used to make me jittery and I felt sick a lot. Mind you not once did they talk to a doctor about my weight, or what I should and should not be eating. If they had the doctor would have told them they were out of their minds. It turns out I was not fat at all, I was actually right where I should have been for my age and height.

My family had this odd idea that all ladies should be 108 lbs or less. It did not matter about age, or height. So as soon as I passed 108 lbs I was fat. I spent years developing what I call a yoyo diet eating disorder. My mother used to starve herself all day, popping appetite suppressants and high fibre pills. Then she would eat a small piece of baked fish, no sauce. She would have a small amount of plain white rice and maybe some vegetables. No butter, nothing.

My first step dad used to take great pleasure in getting me to eat adult portions. Once he took me out to an A & W and actually let me eat a huge burger, fries and onion rings. I am sure there was a dessert, I just remember being able to eat until I was full. The food was so good I kept eating any way. I think I knew I was unlikely to eat like that again for a long time. Even when I was not on a restrictive diet my Mom was all into health food, junk food was not an option.

My second step dad loved taunting me with the food his kids got to have. I would have to make his kids lunches and put their treats and snacks in. Things like donuts, cookies, chocolate bars and candy. All things I was told I could not eat. They used to tease me about it. Often my Step dad would bring out desserts and treats and the family would eat them in front of me. Telling me how good it tasted, etc. For Christmas they gave me a tin of candy, which they ate of course. All I heard every day was how fat I was. Yet I actually was not. Eventually I said no more. I was still restricted to the food they gave me, but I knew one day I would be free to eat what I wanted. The problem was that I was set into a pattern of fad diets and poor self esteem.

Needless to say my step dad and his kids were jerks. One of the first things I remember him telling me was that on my 16th birthday I was to have my bags packed and to get out because at that point my Mother was no longer obligated to take care of me. I was 12 at the time. My mother is so proud of herself. The only time she stood up for me was to insist that I got to stay until I graduated high school. So at 17 I moved out, probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Though I do think I started eating all the wrong foods as a type of delayed rebellion. If it was something they would not let me eat, I ate it.

For about 8 years my weight was fine. Then I put on a few pounds and started the diet to lose weight and put it back on and more cycle. I did weight watchers and other programs, all worked as long as I actually followed them. Once I stopped the weight would come back with a few extra pounds. Eventually I hit 220 lbs. For years I sat at 220 lbs, which was good because my weight was high but stable. I had children, but my weight was right back to 220 lbs within weeks of giving birth.

I went on Depo-Provera and packed on the weight in a couple of months. I put on about 100 lbs and have been trying to lose it ever since. It turns out that birth control is a common cause for weight gain, and having a difficult time getting it off. That was 6 years ago. I have lost up to 60 lbs only to put 80 back on. I was sitting at 300 lbs for the last year. Now I am up to 330 lbs. My health is strongly affected by this, so is my ability to play with my kids and my relationship with my husband.

It does not matter anymore why I put on weight. I have to lose it, properly and permanently. I have learned all the skills I need over the years of going to weight loss programs. Now I have to start using them. This is not about being skinny or looking good. I need to lose weight to get healthy. I don’t want my children to grow up fat because of the example I showed them. They are perfect weight right now and I would never do to them what my family did to me. I also don’t want to die because I did not bother to lose weight. This is about my life, and the quality of my life. I am taking control back, because I have to or I could die way before my time.

Yes I have some really big issues with food, and eating. I have to deal with them and get on with my life. I need to make better food choices, get away from my desk and do things. Even taking a small walk everyday is better then what I have been doing.

As a form of motivation, or possibly a type of accountability, I am going to document my process and progress on Lady Talks a Lot. I hope what I am going through will help others get up and start losing weight. Also if I know everyone is going to know how I am doing I might find it a little easier to actually do what I need to.

For the last couple of weeks I have worked on cutting down how much I eat. I am still eating junk food, candy and chocolates. That I am slowly reducing. I am going to add some exercise to my daily routine, maybe even play with my kids.

When I checked the scale today I was 318 lbs. So I am down 12 lbs. Let’s see if I can lose another 2 lbs this week.

9/11 the aftershock still going 10 years later

I knew that the 10th year anniversary would bring back memories and sadness over the senseless loss of so many lives. I did not expect it to affect me so strongly. I did not lose anyone, and I have no personal connection to the tragic event. Yet I started crying within moments of turning on the TV to watch the memorial.

I remember driving my car on the way to work, stuck in traffic, when the news about the first plane crash was announced. I did not care about being late or anything at that point. I was just shocked. When I got into work no one was working. People were on the phones calling friends and family, checking emails, listening online or to radios. A few had access to TV’s. The news took over the day. I think we may have even been sent home early that day. It’s is all just a blur. No one got work done that day.

The lady who worked beside me was hit the hardest in our area. Her husband was at a conference in the States with an insurance company. That company had their offices in the Twin Towers. Fortunately the conference was in another location. Unfortunately only the big wigs from the company were at the conference. They had an entire floor, above where the plane hit. My understanding is that everyone at work that day died. People her husband knew, worked with, talked with were just gone. It was hard on him, and her. They were on the phone a lot that day, even though it was long distance and she was at work. They were scared. He was stuck in the US, with people flying planes into buildings, who know what else was going to happen.

Even though I live in Canada 9/11 changed my life. That day I called my long distance boyfriend and said let’s move in together. I was scared, and who knew what was going to happen. He moved from one end of Canada, BC, to Ontario within 10 days. We have been together ever since, and have two wonderful children. I don’t think that would have ever happened if 9/11 hadn’t. I always said I would never get married or have kids. 9/11 changed that for me.

I think the hardest part of the 10th year anniversary of 9/11 was explaining it to my children. I cried as I told them about how police and rescue workers went into the buildings to rescue anyone they could, knowing they may not come back out. That took courage. I explained how many of the police and rescue workers died that day. It was hard for them to understand the whole thing. Why would someone fly a plane into a building? Why did they want to kill people?

We had to turn the TV off and just have some family time. We did not turn it back on until the kids went to bed. The horrible images were just too much to put them through. One day they will be old enough to learn more about it, but not with Mommy crying as she tries to explain it. 9/11 is a life changer. I don’t want my kids to lose what innocents they have, the trust that all is good in the world and nothing bad is going to happen. That will happen soon enough as they got older.

Even now I feel sad, and cry when I think of all the lives changed in a bad way that day ten years ago.

I like remembering a couple of stories about that day, small simple miracles in a way. One person was running late but stopped for a coffee anyway. Another person called in sick. One person missed the bus/subway. These small things saved their lives. There are many stories like this, but not enough, not nearly enough.

May the people who died that day, and later from the chemicals in the air, may they have peace!

For the people who did this, may you wake up one day and understand that this was wrong! I tell my kids all the time, temper tantrums don’t get you what you want, no matter how big of one you throw. To me 9/11 was just another type of temper tantrum. Someone did not get their way so they did what they could to destroy lives. You know what, they still did not get their way!

Food for thought, Pedophiles that don’t get caught

I received a very disturbing comment today on my blog posting

Lady Talks a Lot: Pedophiles wives are victims. 

Anonymous said...


We are here, we will always be here and the longer and harder you fight....the stronger we become. We are law makers, we are law enforcement, we are the teachers in your schools, the ones who bag your groceries, the ones who service your AC units on hot days, the ones who drop off your mail, we work at Disney Land and none of us look alike. And the cold reality of it....not all Pedophiles are Sex offenders. Most of us never get caught.






Food for thought....



I think that it is true; most of them are not caught. Pedophiles work very hard at fitting in and hiding what they are and what they do. Anyone could be a pedophile. I know that there are several “poor” pedophiles in my area, ones that got caught and are registered as sex offenders. This comment just makes me wonder how many “good” (not caught) pedophiles there are in the same area.

I think that pedophiles pray on the weak and lonely. We need to make our children feel proud, loved and welcome so they can be strong. We need to be there for our children so they are not lonely. Our job is to let our children be children, not victims. We may not be able to find and stop pedophiles but we can try to make it more difficult for them to succeed.

Children need to be heard, believed and trusted. If a child said someone is hurting them or touching them we need listen. The real problem is that the person doing it may not be the person the child say’s is doing it. Many children are scared to tell the truth because they think the person will hurt them or people they love. Sometimes it is the very people who they should be protected by are the ones hurting them. As adults it is our responsibility to listen to the children, even if they are not our kids. Get the police involved, they are often able to get to the truth even when we cannot.

The real crime is that too many people turn a blind eye or deaf ear to those in need.

I received an email today from a local event in Hamilton, Pagan Pride Day. It is a fun event held in Hamilton every September. Every year they collect food for FoodShare, and it is given to the different food banks in the area. The email touched me and I want to share it with others. I hope it touches everyone else as well. Please give to your local food bank, the need is real and the need is now. I know that kids in my area are going hungry every day, some will be in my children’s classes. I cannot help them all, but maybe all of us can help them by giving what we can to the food bank.


Pagan Pride Day is 1 week away (Sept 10th) and I'm asking you to keep in mind the FoodShare collection we sponsor every year.


Every year at this time the 'back to school' bill takes its toll on the average family ... supplies, clothes, shoes and all of the miscellaneous things needed to start off another school year. Unfortunately for many, sometimes the cost of those supplies come off of the dinner table, no matter how hard you try to budget and the truth of the matter is that the schools do watch for kids without lunches and they will phone home to inquire why the child has no food ... I can't think of anything more heart wrenching then having to admit you have nothing to send with that child and that the only real meal of the day is supper.


Last year the Pagan Harvest Festival & the Wiccan Church of Canada helped raise just under 300 lbs of food for the day. We are sincerely hoping to crack that 300 mark with your help and support. Alot of the grocery stores are having some really great sales right now, $5 can make a huge difference. Please be aware as well that all cash donations that go into the collection cauldron go directly to Hamilton FoodShare where they put it to good use by turning every $1 into $5 worth of food stuff.
Investing in a child is one of the best investments you can make, it’s about building a better future :)


Thank you for your support and generousity ... it is deeply appreciated by so many.

Time for school again

I don’t know if I am happy or sad that summer is over. We did not do any of the things we planned. Instead we spent the first part of the summer getting over really bad sunburns. We never went back to the beach this summer. We planned to go almost every weekend. It took us a month to heal from the burn we got from one day in the sun. We over did it, and our summer paid for it. We thought we would go places and do things this year. Instead we struggled to pay our bills and did very little.

Now school is about to start, in a couple of days, and we look back at all we did not do. It makes me sad that we did not do much. Lucky for the kids they went to summer day camp and did trips every week. They did lots and did not really notice what we did not do as a family. I think they were just glad to be home and relax on the weekends. We are actually giving them the last week of the summer off of summer camp. They like spending time with us, but we want to make sure they have other children to play with.

Now they are going to be going to school, a difficult thing for our son, and a fun time for our daughter. I am not sure I am ready for the struggles I know are to come. The demand of homework alone is a battle I don’t wish to take on. I know that every day I will have to fight with my son to get him to do his homework. Often he fights me over his homework. He hates school work and homework even more.

He gets picked on by other students and does not like going to school. School work is difficult for him. He has ADHD and an unnamed language based learning disability. We think he may have dyslexia. Overall school is not a fun time for him.

My daughter on the other hand has fun at school. She is a typical student having good and bad days. She gets along with others but tends to be a follower, not a leader. She will be ok with the other kids. So far she seems to be an average student. I am sure she will be fine as long as we work with her, and make sure she does her homework.

I worry that we are not able to do enough for him, and are not doing enough for her. We can only do so much and hope we are doing enough. I just feel anxious. I want them both to have the best opportunities and I am not sure they have. I worry that my son will again have a poor teacher, unequipped and unwilling to work with a child that does not fit the normal behavior pattern. The last couple teachers he had actually made things worse, only the E.A. took the time to understand and help him and the other children stuck in this women’s class.

I worry that I don’t do enough for my daughter because she is fine and my son needs lots of help. I know she acts out to get more attention sometimes. I hope that she does not act out in school to try and get more attention.

Most parents seem to be happy when their children go to school. All I can think about is how difficult this school year may be. Both children have teachers new to the school. I am hoping that this will give both my kids a fresh unbiased teacher who will give them a chance.

The Jedi Kids Video for the Star Wars the Old Republic MMO

The Jedi Kids was created to allow Young Jedi and their parents a place to talk and play. To ensure a safe environment for Kids to enjoy the Star Wars Universe and meet other kids to work together on all the team based content of the game. Any one allied with the Republic and 17 and under can join.

http://www.thejedikids.guildlaunch.com/index.php?gid=209570

Jedi Kids guild for kids

My son has fallen in love with Star Wars, the movies, T.V. shows and video games. My husband is going to be trying out the Star Wars the Old Republic MMO when it comes out. My son cannot wait until the game comes out. He is going to play with his dad and then once he has learned how to play he is going to get his own account and character. My husband is going to sit with him and help him play, until he is much older and can play by himself (with supervision.)

To make it safer my husband and another of the dads have started the Jedi Kids guild. This will give kids a safe place to play, with people they know. This will eliminate the worries of the MMO bullies intimidation tactics, abuse and swearing. The Jedi Kids can enjoy the game as they learn to play and hopefully make friends. Most of the game is single player with specific points where group play is involved, unless you are on the group server. I want the people he plays with to be his friends or at least friendly.

I am glad that they are doing this. I don’t want my son’s love of Star Wars games destroyed by other people who think it is fun to pick on new players. Some people think my son is too young to play. I think it will be fine as long as it is with my husband or me. It is not like we would let him play by himself. All his game play and computer time are supervised.

My son is so happy about this whole thing. He gets to play a Star Wars game, gets Daddy time and is looking forward meeting kids from all over the world. He hopes lots of kids join The Jedi Kids Guild.

Boys Birthday Party on a Budget

This year has been an odd one. Money has never been tighter but we are still trying to give our kids everything we have promised them. This month it is our son’s seventh birthday party. Months ago he told us he wanted to have a Star Wars birthday party. Great, we can do that. We started saving money, and buying things we would need to have the party at home.

We have spent month’s slowly buying items for the grab bags, a few dollars here, and a few dollars there. We have spent way more than we expected and still don’t feel like we are ready. We have 24 grab bags and don’t think it is going to be enough. We have 20 kids confirmed and a possible 16 more. My son wants to invite his friends from his sister’s daycare. He showed up and gave one kid an invite. The other kids saw it so now I feel I have to give them invites as well. That would be another 20 kids invited. I am kind of scared to invite them, but our rule is not to invite one of a group but the entire group. No child should feel unwanted or unwelcome. If it comes to more kids then 24 we will just give smaller grab bags. All the kids will not get the same things but that is ok.


Last year we invited over 60 kids and had 18 show-up at the party, most of them our neighbour’s kids. Quite a few of them were unexpected. But that was ok because we planned for 20 kids and parents. Some of them did not have gifts and that was ok with us as well. One little girl asked if she could still be at the party even if she did not have a gifts, of course. We know what it is like to not have money to buy a gift. We don’t invite lots of kids for lots of gifts. We want the kids to be there having a good time, all the kids not just the ones that can bring gifts.

This year we only invited about 30 kids and most of them are coming. Strangely enough we actually had parents from the party last year ask if they could come to this one even though our kids are not in the same class this year. I guess that is a good sign that people like our idea of a party. If the weather is nice it is outside in the complex’s park that is so nicely placed right out our back door. We have crafts, games and just let the kids run around and have fun. There are no fancy tables, just Mexican blankets on the ground creating a picnic area. It is about fun and letting the kids be kids.

It is a good thing we have a small freezer. When the local No Frills had their dollar sale we bought lots of hotdogs and froze them. We were able to buy three packages for the usual price of two.


We found a great meat store, with a good price on lean hamburger. I have found it saves us a lot of money to make our own burgers instead of buying pre-made frozen burgers. With an $11 package of hamburger, eggs, some bread crumbs and seasoning I can make 24 adult sized burgers, even more when I am making kids sized burgers. It just takes a little time and effort, and not much of that really.

It was funny last year at our son’s party the adults could not get enough of the burgers I made. A couple of people said they had never had burgers like that before. They just never made their own. Homemade burgers are much better then mass-produced frozen burgers. All we have to do now is buy the buns and make the cup cakes.

Every year we make dozens of cup cakes and then let the kids put their own toppings on them. We make sure there are lots of different candies and sprinkles to put on the cup cakes. It leads to some very interesting cup cakes, and a lot of happy kids.

We are keeping the food simple and easy. The only decorations we have this year are balloons and streamers left over from last year. The kids are to bring their lightsabres if they have them. If not we can share. We do have a big table full of crafts for the kids to do. Games are set up inside. We have the Clone war movie if it rains.


It is going to be a good party even if we end up with more kids than expected. They will have fun and that is what it is all about.

The other good thing is that by doing the party the way we do it, we can afford to. We don’t have to pay for a space, or food. We are not looking at $12 to $15 per kid so they can bowl or watch a movie. We can have 30 or more kids and spend between a $100 to $150 instead of that for 10 kids.

I don’t have the stomach for some TV shows today

I am finding that I just cannot watch some shows anymore. I love shows like CSI and 48 hrs. However I am finding I just cannot watch the shows that involve children, either as victims or killers. There are enough “bad” things happening to children that I don’t need to see it as part of my entertainment. Yes I still enjoy mysteries and seeing how police solve crimes. I just don’t have the stomach or the heart to deal with children being killed even in a TV show. It hurts me to see children being harmed or killed, even as part of a fictional story line.



My real problem is that I know what is being shown on TV is just a reflection of what is going on in real life. Children are being harmed and even killed by those who should protect them, their family, teachers, friends and neighbours.

My husband kids me that I am a big softy when it comes to kids. I am. What I don’t understand is why everyone else does not react the same way. It has become so common place, children being harmed and killed, that it is no longer shocking in the news or a TV show. It has become just another part of life, or death. I don’t expect things to change, but I will not watch shows that have it as part of the plot line anymore. I don’t stand on some moral high ground, or believe I am a better person for not watching the shows. I just cannot watch them without crying and becoming sick to my stomach. It is simply easier for me to change the channel or turn the TV off.

Big problem with a husband making passes at other family members, so what to do.

Someone recently came to me with a problem and wanted my advice on how to deal with it. To me it seems a simple and clear cut answer. But it is not my family or my problem so it is easy to see why things are happening, and what to do about it. It is much harder when you are caught up in the middle of a potentially explosive family situation that could pull a family apart, and actually is.

The question presented to me was:

I'm the oldest of 3 daughters. I recently told my sister that her husband had been making passes at me for months. It's not the first time he's done something inappropriate. He tried molesting my youngest sister when she was 14 years old. This man at the time was 28-29 yrs old. I broke the news to her a couple years later but she forgave him right away and we had to pretend that nothing happened. My parents didn't want to rock the boat and all I could do is forget about it. Now he is 40 and made passes at me on several occasions. I'm 34. I was waiting to tell my sister when the time was right. She and he were talking about divorce for other reasons a couple months ago and I thought I wouldn't have to say anything since she was going to leave him this time. So I thought. She forgave him again, and I thought that it's now or never. So I told her about the comments he had made and how uncomfortable he made me feel. I expressed my concerns for my own daughter when she turns into a teen. My husband, mother and little sister all knew about this during the whole entire thing. My little sister would tell me that now I knew what she felt for so long while he and my sister lived with her, mom and dad. We are not talking anymore. My mother and little sister won't come out and support me in my points to my other sister. I don't know how to deal with this. They want to continue to pretend it hasn't happened. Any suggestions?



For me the response was clear and easy:

You are doing what you need to do, taking a stand even though it is causing problems in your family relationships. At least now it is in the open and you are not struggling with a lie, or pretending there was not a problem. Denying that there was a problem and living a in a “lie to protect someone else” is incredibly unhealthy for you.

Also a lot of people incorrectly feel guilt, even when they are the victim. Often they take on the responsibility or down play the importance of what was done or said. The number of rapes not reported every day is proof of that. They don’t want other people to know. So your little sister and mother want to keep the family secret in the closet and resent that you don’t and will not support you. They don’t want other people to know. Also if your sister and her husband break up they will feel it is their fault, not the husbands. Odd I know, but again it is why so many people get away with things like this.



If your sister forgave him the first time, she will keep forgiving him. It is either the “us against them”, “I can change him”, or “he will change for me” mentality. Either way she is going to keep on forgiving him almost anything and everything. Don’t expect her to change. I expect he will eventually get caught, and she will forgive him and nothing will change. She may even feel that it is somehow her fault; she was not enough women for him so he looked elsewhere. She will actually try harder to please him so it will not be her responsibility the marriage fell apart. If she cannot keep the marriage together she has somehow failed. Again, odd, but how some people respond to things like this.

Instead keep yourself and your daughter safe and away from him. Don’t expect your family to change, they want to keep their heads buried in the sand and pretend bad things don’t happen. It is more important that you do what is right for you and your daughter.




The real problem I have is that yet again a family is being ripped apart or damaged the actions of one person. That person is not even facing the brunt of the effects he is having. People are actually supporting him and punishing the only family member strong enough to say “enough is enough, this is not acceptable.” People wonder why things like this happen. Why someone gets away with things. This is why, the person willing to talk and take a stand is the one who loses.

Why don’t more people come out and tell someone that they are being abused, hurt or propositioned. They don’t want to be treated like this lady is being treated by her own family. If family is going to treat a person like this for telling the truth, how are other people going to treat them?

Christmas Comes Early to My Home

In the last few weeks it is like Christmas has taken over my home. It is an unusual occurrence for me; at least this early in the year. Yes I like Christmas but usually we wait until Dec. 1 before starting to decorate our living room. My husband loves Christmas. He watches Christmas movies all year round. If it was up to him we would have the house decorated for Christmas Nov. 1.

This year it seems to be even more important to him to start Christmas decorating right away. We already have all our lights up, a small Christmas tree, with our Christmas gifts under it already. There is a larger tree ordered and a small Santa train. Our kids already have little trees up in their rooms. My husband is even talking about buying more lights and decorating the kitchen and the upstairs hall way. Last year we had lights in the kid’s rooms. I am expecting that to be the next thing.

Not that I mind that much. For me it is more that our kids are very young and with us having Christmas decorations up and gifts out for a month is a long time for them. They are going to want to open their gifts sooner than later. Every year in the past we would put gifts under the tree days before Christmas, not weeks and weeks before. I don’t know how well the kids are going to handle having to look at their gifts for a month before they can open them. I think we may have to put them away for a few weeks.

Things have been very difficult this year. I understand why Christmas is so important to my husband this year. He wants something good to happen, and he wants Christmas to be it. I hope Christmas meets his and our kid’s expectations this year.

Fun trying to find a Halloween Costume that Fits and Looks good

As a family we went Halloween Costume shopping. It was a lot of fun for the kids, but very frustrating for Mom and Dad. The kids we had no problem finding many costumes that they liked and fit them. If anything we found too many. We ended up buying two at the beginning of October and then three more on the weekend. Still no costume for Mom and Dad though.

For me, Mom, nothing fits. I am a plus size and trust me even the plus size costumes in the stores don’t fit. They usually only go to 22” or 1X. I did not find a single 3X costume for women. There were some nice costumes. Many of them I wish they had come in my size. Most of the costumes ran from about $30 to $60.

My husband had a similar problem. He is tall, 6’ 1”, with broad shoulders. Most of the costumes for men only were for men up to 5’ 10” and were too narrow in the body for him. Many men were complaining about the same issue, that none of the in store costumes fit. Also the selection was limited. Very few costumes for men in comparison to the verity for ladies and children. He could be a vampire, again. Or he could wear a robe and a mask. The costumes for men seem to run into very generic styles. It was psycho Dr. from hell, ghoul, vampire, monk, or the oversized ones with the airbags. Not quite the same quality or quantity of costumes available for the rest of the family.

Many men were actually quite upset with the selections at every store we visited. We hit several large department stores and some smaller outlets. We even went to second hand stores in hopes of finding something. The story was the same everywhere. The solution was to start looking online. We had concerns about the costs of the costumes. I found that the cost was between $30 and $60 for many of the costumes, which is about the same as in store. The real difference was in shipping. Some of the online stores are offing free shipping and discounts to offset the difference caused by shipping. Other sites are charging unrealistic fees for shipping. If you are looking into a costume online take your time to find the stores that are offering the deals.
We did find a selection of costumes that we would like to get. At this point we are going to hold off and try for next year. We will plan ahead and order costumes in advance. That way we don’t have to worry about budgeting for four costumes and shipping all at once. Several of the costumes I liked were way more than $60, more like between $100 and $200.

My husband liked some costumes but found a lot of them in the lower price range to be very cheesy no matter where we looked, in store or online. I think it is just a matter of not having that large of a selection in low cost men’s costumes. There were many awesome larger men’s costumes in the higher price ranges. We may have to invest into the higher quality costumes and plan to use them over and over again. In other words we better like the costumes a lot because that is what we are going to have for the next few years.