Friday, September 26, 2008

Are we teaching our children to be honest?

A five-year-old girl looked at a lady she had known for about a year and said, “You have a big bum”. The adult turned to her and said, “That is mean. You have a big head”. The child was not trying to hurt the ladies feelings; she was making an honest observation. She was confused by the reprimand and comment about her head.

To my shame I did not open my mouth to support the child. I was just shocked by the adult’s response, and was not sure how to deal with this when it was not my child. I know what I would have said if she had been talking to my daughter. “Your bum is big and so is mine, so what!” I figured the parent would deal with it, but I had forgotten that she is deaf and did not hear what was said. She was dealing with her son and was not in a position to lip read. I do feel guilty for not saying something to support the little girls honesty.

It did make me think about how honest children are. If you want a real honest answer ask a child’s opinion on something. They will tell you your breath stinks, that shirt does make you look fat and dinner is gross. Then we start to teach them to be polite, or lie to make people feel better. I don’t know about most people, but I know my butt is big and having someone tell me my butt does not look that big in those pants does not change the fact my butt is still big. If my breath is stinky I want to know so I can do something about it.

My husband would eat some dinner disaster of mine and I would be saying “this is bad” but he would keep on eating and saying it was fine because he did not want to hurt my feelings. Even after I would say, “It is so bad I did not want to eat it”, he would not admit it was horrible. For years he ate things way over spiced because he did not want to hurt my feelings. I would much rather had him tell me it was over spiced or not to his taste, that was why I was asking in the first place, to find out how he felt about the meal so I knew what he liked and did not like. He suffered for years because he did not want to be rude. I don’t even have to ask my kids, they tell me what they don’t like and why. Knowing makes it easer to have meals that actually get eaten, especially with kids who’s likes and dislikes seem to change with the direction of the wind.

In my home we are guilty of telling our children that we don’t want to hear about something anymore. Every time a toy commercial comes on all we hear is, “I want that”. It gets very frustrating after a few times of trying to explain that we don’t have the money so we end up saying, “I don’t want to hear that you want anything, don’t tell me you want it again”. Which is telling our kids not to admit they want things. We realized this and have changed it to, “put it on your Christmas list, maybe Santa will pick that one for you”. But we are still guilty of saying, “I don’t care anymore about who did what, just stop fighting” which is just a way of saying don’t tell me the truth, or the truth does not matter as long as the adults get the result they want.

I think that it is a fine line we walk when we are trying to teach our children not to be rude or demanding. They need to understand that it is ok to be honest about what you think, feel or want. We as the adults have to remember they are children learning about life. What does it say about our society when one of the things we teach is for them to not express themselves, make observations or state they like or dislike something? What are we putting more value on, honesty or dishonesty and emotional suppression to keep other people happy?

Mind you this is an observation from someone who does not have a filter on her mouth. I say what I think most of the time. If you ask for my opinion your going to get an honest opinion, so don’t ask me if you just want to make your ego feel better. I don’t go out of my way to be rude or insensitive, but I am honest and blunt about things. I respect that in others far more then the polite responses used to placate others. So of course I respect a child’s honesty. If I don’t like what kids have to say I don’t turn on the child and reprimand them or teach them to lie. If my butt is huge than I have to acknowledge and accept that it is and if I don’t like it do something about it. Not make people lie to me about it.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Second wedding anniversary gift ideas

For the second anniversary gift the traditional is cotton and modern is china. These are so general that there are quite a few things to pick from. The problem is to find the right thing. Giving cotton sheets or some plates might fall under cotton or china but they may not go over so well with your partner, unless it is what they really want. The idea is to have some fun with it or be very romantic.

Traditional gift ideas: Cotton.
T-shirts: I like this because it is useful, fun and can be personalized easily. With today's printing technology you can literally have anything printed on a t-shirt. All you need is some creativity. If you know what your partner loves then find a t-shit that will have meaning to them, or find one that is relevant to your anniversary. I found one that made me laugh on

100% cotton T-shirt on JustPaperRoses, Inc. for $15.00.
We just celebrated our 2nd "cotton" Anniversary and all I got was this t-shirt!

You are not stuck with just t-shirts. There are quite a few clothing items made out of cotton that can be personalized or come with fun saying on them. Sweat shirts, pullovers, sweaters, pants, coats, bathrobes, and even men and ladies underwear

Property of (your name here) boxers and briefs at are funny.

The cotton scroll or love letter in a bottle looks like a lot of fun. It is personalized, romantic and different. Again though it is what you put into it that counts, both in thought and effort. I found it at , though I have to admit I would probably just make it my self. It does not look that hard, and I think it would be more fun finding the right things to put in the box.

I am not that interested in a lot of the cotton items available just because I don’t find the idea of receiving a cotton throw pillow, or bed cover that exciting, even if it has our wedding date or names on it and cotton jewellery is not to my taste. I want something fun. Give me a bag of cotton balls with something hidden in it. Or even a little cotton plant that I can try to keep alive. A cotton tablecloth is only OK if it is on the table and comes with a wonderful meal on top. Though almost anything with a dragon design on it I think I would like. It is about taking the time to find out what your spouse likes and then designing the gift to fit.

Modern Gift Ideas: China
Coffee Mug: I like this because I just love coffee, and always like getting fun mugs. What is important about this is that you can have anything printed on a coffee mug, teacup, plate, or ornament made of china. It is easy to find ones already with nice pictures, messages, or fun sayings that have meaning to you or your spouse. This “together we're one” personalised coffee mug is cute. I found it at

China ornaments or knickknacks. I have to admit that I am not so fond of knickknacks because they are not that useful, they take up room and have to be dusted. However I do have some that have emotional value to my husband and I. We gave them to each other as gifts. What I like about this is that it is if your spouse loves something, or there is something with special meaning to the two of you it is easy to find something made up of china such as statues, figurines, and more. We love dragons in our house, so we both have dragon figurines. One of the china items we have is two little bells with our names on them. It is small but romantic.

Cotton and China are easy mediums to find interesting, fun or romantic gifts. It is just a matter of knowing what is important to your spouse and then finding a way to find it in cotton or china. To make a gift important you cannot just grab any old thing just because it is made up of cotton or china. It is the thought you put into it that shows and counts.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Reverse racism

What an odd term. I first heard it about 25 years ago in BC when a ruling came down that companies had to have a certain percentage of minorities on their payroll. It was a Government effort to fight racism that did not go over so well with anyone. The term reverse racism meant that someone was hired because they were a minority not because they were the best person for the job. White males felt that if they applied for the same job as a black man and a black woman the black woman would get the job no mater who had the better skills. Minorities did not like it because it made them feel they got jobs because of their skin color, sex or religion not because they could do the job. People on both sides of the issue stated the person with the best skills or abilities should get the job no mater what their sex, religion or skin color.

I recently heard the term reverse racism being used to describe anyone who is not white being racist toward white people. As if white people had the corner on racism and anything else is reverse racism. I don’t care which side of the fence you are on, racism is racism! Putting the word reverse in front of it does not change it, clean it up, or make it right. So you have a lot of hate and anger toward white people because of their racism toward you and you have become racist against them. Calling it reverse racism does not change that it is still racism. You feel that you have very good reasons for your anger and hate and why you are racist. Every person who is a racist feels the same way you do, that his or her reasons justifies their actions and their racism. It still does not make it right.

Racism has been around as long as mankind has been. It has always been us against them when it came to survival. It is just how most people are wired: you are part of us or one of them. There is no such thing as reverse racism; it is just a term being used to justify racism. They were racist toward me and mine so now I am racist against them. It does make some sense, this group of people treated me badly and now I dislike anyone I see as being a part of that group. Yet at the same time makes no sense because not every one that can be placed in that group has ever harmed you. Also most people who are discriminated against are angry because someone could or would not see past their sex, religion or skin color and used it to judge them and their abilities. Why would it make any sense to do the exact same thing that was done you to someone else?

I don’t think I will ever understand racism. I can say that I have experience a type of racism or more accurately discrimination. I grew up very poor, in a home without religion but lots of drugs. Of all things to be discriminated against it was because I was not raised Christen. I did not go to church so I was not a good person and therefore could not play with their children. What an unchristian like attitude for a bunch of Christen adults to take toward a child. Of course I was also discriminated against because we were poor and my mom was a hippy and arrested for drugs. But it was the “Your not a Christen” attitude that stands out because it made no sense, there was no logic involved just anger and hate. Racism is not about skin color, people will find a reason to hate or blame their problems on someone because they are different in some way. If a person needs to find a reason to put others down to make themselves feel better they will find a reason to justify why that person is less then them. It may be skin color, sex, religion, what school they went to, what country they were born in, their job or paycheck. No matter what label or justification they put on it, it is still racism or discrimination.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Five years old and already in the principles office

I received a call from the school, a lady with a panicked voice told me to come pick up my son from the principles office. He was acting out and they felt I should come pick him up. Ok. Off I went not sure what to expect. What I found was the principles office in lock down as they tried to control my 5 year old. This included restraining him “for his own safety” as he was jumping on things, hitting and more. I told them to let him go, and my son ran to me. Then he became hostile to me as well as I tried to find out what was going on.

It seems he became out of control in the classroom, jumping on desks so they removed him. This did not work so well as it caused him to lash out even more. He was angry, frustrated, and somewhat scared. There have been a lot of changes in the last few weeks. He changed daycare, his sister did not, he started school and so did his dad. The daycare he seems to be ok with, but he is not doing so well in the more structured school environment. He cannot remove himself from an activity and do what he wants anymore. He does not take to well to being told, “No, you have to do this”. He takes after us, his parents, a little too much.

There are two big issues though. The first is that we were told that daycare would take care of snacks, but for the first week when everyone else had snacks he did not. He was feeling very left out and was upset, but never said anything to us. Nor did his teacher. He told his daycare teacher on Monday, who told us what was going on. We were not happy when we found on Monday that he had been going to school with out a snack for over a week. It was a misunderstanding the daycare gives a snack after school not to take into class.

When we asked his kindergarten teacher why she did not tell us this was going on she said he did not really need a snack because he had lunch at the daycare and a snack after. That is a problem for me, it has nothing to do with food but socializing and fitting in, and she did not understand that. Of course he has been upset, he has been left out and made to feel different. On Tuesday we sent a snack with him but he had his melt down and was removed from the class before snack time.

The second issue is that he has a severe speech problem. At his old daycare everyone understood him. He feels that people don’t hear him in his kindergarten class. His outburst started because yet again he was saying something to his teacher and felt that he was being ignored. He was angry and was trying to get her attention with his actions. He got it but not the way he wanted it.

The school decided that starting that Wednesday they would have him in Kindergarten for one hour and then remove him and put him back into daycare. This would give him a chance to adjust to kindergarten. Everyday they would add an extra 15 minutes until he started acting out again or was doing all three hours. I did not feel that comfortable with this, another way to make him feel left out and different. Sure enough they removed him with out any warning. Suddenly he was being pulled from class for no reason at all. He wanted to stay with his friends and had another melt down.

I don’t blame him. I would be upset to if I was being good and doing what I was told and someone came and took me away. He kept saying he did not do anything. Sure enough I had to come and get him a second time. Both the daycare and I were not happy with the way things were handled and let the school know it. Things got changed that day. This was not going to happen to him again. On Thursday he was given early warning that he would be leaving the class, and his teacher from daycare came and got him. He did not feel as if he was being punished this time.

I am trying to work with the school but I don’t think that they have handled this very well. They have labeled him a problem child now. Personally I think his outbursts were completely validated as his only way to get people to hear him. We are more aware of what is going on now so things have calmed down now. But I am not happy with the teacher’s poor communication skills. We look at his communication book everyday and so far she had put nothing in it, no comments on what he is doing or that he was left out of snack or acting out. I am holding her accountable, I will be calling her everyday to find out what is going on with my son. I am not going to let them label my son a problem child just because she could not bother to write in his book to let us know there was a problem.

Update - after trying to work with the school for most of the school year we ended up going to the school trustee.  End result – an investigation into not only my son’s teacher but also the principle and vice principle.  The teacher was not asked back for the following year – she was doing things that were not acceptable.  The principle and vice principle stayed for one more year – but my son was sent to a different school.  They were removed from the school the following year – seems they were both under investigation the entire year – why because the things that were done to my son was just the tip of the iceberg. 

Not a deadbeat Dad but a sometimes Dad

We all hear about the deadbeat Dad’s but what about the ones that are not. The ones who miss their kids and want to be full time everyday Dad’s who only get to be sometime Dad’s. The ones who have to watch as their kids call someone else Daddy, someone they spend everyday with and he only gets the odd weekend and phone calls. Men who struggle with the lost of time with their children. Time they can never make up on a weekend or over the phone. Someone else is giving them bath time, reading stories at night, doing monster hunts, fixing boo boo’s and holding their hand as they walk to school.

One day “Bob” came home to his common-law wife only to be told that she was not happy anymore, did not love him anymore and that she had packed his bag and he was to leave. Their son was being babysat because she did not what him to see the fight and Bob leave. So Bob went from being a Daily Dad to a sometimes Dad in a blink of an eye. Now he was homeless, without his family and at a complete loss. He moved in with friends for a few days as he tried to work things out with his wife. They all thought it would only be for a few days, but no.

Eventually he found a place to live and a job. He agreed to help out his sister, a single mom, who needed someone to watch her children when she went to school. He needed a place to live and she could supply that. It was with the understanding that this was only until he could work things out with his wife. Unfortunately it was not in the same town as his ex and son, but as he said “It is not like I am getting to spend any time with my son as it is, she will not let me see him.”

It has been a few months now and his wife just told him that she is already moving on with her life and so should he. The guy that was just a friend turns out to have been more then just a friend. He is devastated. He misses spending time with his son. He never gets to see him because he lives in another town and has no car. On top of that she is not being that co-operative. She cut Bob out of her life and does not understand what the problem is, so what if that means he does not get to see his son anymore.

It is eating this man up from the inside out. It is killing him. He is missing being able to read stories at bedtime and just playing with his son. He is going to miss out on being his son’s hero, to teach him to ride a bike, tie his shoes, and everything else that is part of being a father. Halloween is coming up and he will not be there to help his son find the right costume, or go trick or treating. Then Christmas. He does not even know what he son would like, and has no way of talking to him to find out. He does not know if his son will even know the gift was from him or will she just say it is from Santa. He is quickly becoming a stranger to his own son, a little boy he loves with all his hart.

How do you go from holding your son’s hand as he goes to sleep to not seeing him at all? How will his son know him, and know that he loves him if he is not part of his life?

Until I met this man and have seen what this has been doing to him over the last few months I never thought about what it was like for the father when families go wrong. I always saw single Mom’s talking about deadbeat Dad’s. Who sees the other side of the fence, the fathers struggling with being separated from their children? It is easy to see the single Mom and identify with her, but it is harder to see and identify the man who is torn up inside because it has been a week since he last saw his kids and he will not get to see them for another week, or the men who don’t get to see their kids at all.

I am not saying that there are not deadbeat Dad’s. My own father was one. I am just saying that it is a horrible thing to be separated from your children whether you are a man or a woman. Dad’s can and do feel anguish and sorrow over the loss of their time with their children. The moments and memories they are not going to have and struggle with being a sometimes Dad, trying to make the most out of what little time they have. How can you develop a relationship with your children if you don’t get to be a part of their lives?
*Bob is not his real name, I used that to protect his privacy.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Would you parent differently if you knew you were dying?

It is a hard question, one most of us don't want to think about. But how would knowing that you are dying change how you live and parent. I would like to think that I would not be different, but I know that I would try to make the most out of every moment I had. It would change how I parent and just how I live my life. Would it change yours? How would you handle dying and being a parent?

I don't want to ever be in the position of knowing that I was dying, but at the same time at least if you know death is coming it gives you the chance to say goodbye, tell people what you think and feel. A chance to fix things and enjoy what is left of your life with those you love. It gives you the chance to do things you always wanted to but just never had the time. It gives you the time to try and create lasting memories for your friends and family to cherish after you are gone.

There is one Mother who is dying and willing to talk about it. She has a blog called the diary of a dying mom. It is well written and interesting just on its own. She has a story that is worth reading and thinking about. Though some days it just rips my hart out knowing what she is going through, hoping that she has enough time to give enough happy memories to her children before she dies. What reflections would you have? Would they be good ones or not? If not then maybe it is time to start creating positive memories even if you are not dying. It is a sad life if you don't have any good memories. I think that when I am angry or frustrated with my kids and just life in general it will do me some good to read her blog and get things back into perspective.

It has been said many times over in many different words but it comes down to "Live your life as if it is the last day you have on this earth."

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Pedophiles wives are victims

It was pointed out to me that in my blog Aftereffects, pedophile goes to jail now what I was not as clear as I could be that I feel his wife was and is a victim as well. I don’t think she was anything but a victim in this. That does not mean she does not feel guilt. Guilt because she thinks she should have known, how could she live with someone like that and not know? I don’t ever want to deal with questions like that. One day your life is normal and the next you are the wife of a monster. You loose your identity and instead become the wife of a pedophile, a rapist or a killer. And people ask, “How could you not know?” and it is hard to answer because the same question is running through your head.

The wife or girlfriend of a pedophile feels guilty because she believes she should have seen through to the real person and known what he was doing and somehow stopped it. That somehow she let it happen. The truth is that unless she knew what was going on there was nothing she could have done to make things different. An uncaught pedophile is good at deceiving people otherwise they would have been caught by now. This is what they do. They need to blend in and be well liked and trusted. Pedophiles hide what they do from everyone. It makes sense that they would hide this part of their lives from their loved ones.

Once the pedophile has been found out the wife will often pay the price socially for his crimes. Suddenly people who were friends pull away. It may be that they don’t want to be associated with the pedophile in any way, not even as a friend of the wife. For others it is simply that they have a hard time separating the wife from the husband even though she is innocent. She is the one that is available to put the blame on or become angry at because he is safe in jail. What ever a persons reason it still means loss of friends and social standing for the wife.

For some wives and girlfriends the backlash is so bad that they move and change their names. They cannot live a normal life being connected or associated with a monster. People turn their anger on the person that is available, and often don’t believe that the wife or girlfriend did not know. It is hard to understand that the wife is probably more shocked then anyone else, because they really did not have a clue that this was going on.

What counts is what the wife or girlfriend does once they know. Some support their man because they cannot believe that the man they love is capable of doing something that horrible, it must be a mistake. Often this changes once there is undeniable proof, once they know for sure they accept that this really happened and leave him. Others condemn the man as fast or faster then anyone else. They leave the guy and will often try to help convict him. These ladies were victims. Unfortunately there are some who will hid it or make excuses for their men, like that Grandmother on Dr. Phil last year who hid the fact that her husband was molesting their granddaughter, and as far as I am concerned that makes them an accessory not a victim. So what a person does once they know determines if they are a victim or an accessory, prior to knowing they are just another victim being used by evil.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

After effects, pedophile goes to jail now what

A few years ago a monster was reveled to be among people I knew and hung out with for years. Bruce was sexually molesting the children of those who knew and trusted him. This had been going on for years. Eventually one of the kids became old enough and strong enough to let people know what was going on. Then the true horror came out as family after family realized they had let this monster have access to their children. And the questions started, did he do anything to my child or children. Unfortunately the answer was yes. (Not my kids because we did not let them baby-sit or be alone with them)

So people did the right thing (or not) they let him live and put him in jail. That was not the end of it. There are countless children, some are teenagers now, dealing with what was done with them, who statistically will either become victims or abusers if they cannot get the help they need. The parents are still dealing with the guilt that they let this happen. The guilt destroyed relationships, families and marriages. The guilt and anger ate away at them.

A large group of people literally fell apart. Years of friendship and experiences all became tainted by one man. The local SCA group (the hobby group they all belonged to) became associated in the minds of many with this man and what he did to the children of his friends. People stopped being a part of the SCA because now the people in it and the events they went to reminded them of Bruce. Even people who did not have children molested by him pulled away. Everyone was thinking, how come I did not see this, what could I have done, how did I let those children down?

His family had to deal with the guilt and shame. Though his sister and her husband publicly supported him and still feel he should be let back into the SCA. Not going to happen, they know what he is now. However this has caused a lot of conflict and destroyed quite a few friendships. The fact that they are both still part of the SCA group is part of the reason why so many have left it.

Then there is Bruce’s wife. She said she knew nothing about this side of him and divorced him as soon possible. She feels guilt for not seeing through him, and the fact that he was using her to get to more kids. They were babysitting a lot. She lost a lot of friends even though people said they knew she had nothing to do with it. She was still his wife. People could not be around her and not think of him. She has tried to move on and is in a new relationship but is still being affected by what he did. It did not help that Bruce and his lawyer tried to say that she was supporting him to try and get a lighter sentence. People who heard the lawyer say it in court are having a hard time getting past that even though she said it was a lie. No mater what she does now she has been tainted by the brush of Bruce and even years later feels as if she has to defend herself, that she did not know what he was doing and did not support him.

People are still dealing with what Bruce did years later. He gets out of jail next year and I am sure people will still be dealing with the aftereffects for years to come. It says something when the aftereffects outlast his jail time. I don’t think he was sentenced for enough time. Though I am not sure if there is going to be enough time for the children and their families. The question now is; where is he going to get his next victim? Someone who did this for years is not someone who is going to change or stop. He is just going to find another source of children and the cycle starts again.

I am vain and petty when it comes to my Ex

This weekend I unexpectedly came across an ex, one that I have a very negative reaction to. I found out that I am vain and petty enough to want to look better and be obviously happier now then when I was with him and better then the person he is with now. That even though I don’t even like him I would like it that whenever he laid eyes on me he would see that I am better off without him, and to see what he lost and have regrets. And not just that he could have taken more from me if he had the opportunity, but that he regrets not having this wonderful person (me) in his life anymore. My ego is big enough to think, you had this and now you can never have it again, nanananananana! So yes I am being petty and vain.

I think it is a normal reaction to someone so hateful and harmful, to want them to see how much better you are without them in your lives. This guy is poison, very bad news. Though it is a nice to think that every ex in my life who saw me again thought that they made a mistake when they lost me. It is not very realistic but it is an ego thing. I don’t actually think about my ex except when I have to deal with the financial consequences of being with him in the first place, or run into him.

I don’t like the man and would never ever want to be with him again. Even after many, many years I still have two thoughts concerning this man. One is that I wish mirror spells worked so that everyone around him could see him the way he really is not the image he tries to put out. This is more to prevent him from harming others. That way it would make it harder for him to use and abuse others. He would not be able to scam people anymore or hurt them. If someone became involved with him they would do so with their eyes open. The problem is that he is very good at what he does; he has years and years of experience of hiding his true self as he takes as much as he can. The illusion starts to fade when he has a new victim lined up and he has taken as much from you as he can, you cannot believe that this is the same person you trusted.

The second is for the three-fold rule to come back on him. That all the positive and negative things he has done in the world come back to him three fold. I know it is a mean thought but he has done a lot of damage to quite a few people and yet he always seems to come out untouched or benefits from what he does. I believe if you do the crime you should do the time and he has yet to face any real consequences. He is the guy that when an animal crosses the road steps one the gas not the breaks and then is happy if he kills it.

It bothers me that even after all these years I am still paying the price for his greed, and so are my husband and children. I spent years trying to clean up the debt load I got into with him, and trying to recover the thousands of dollars and inventory he took. He siphoned the money and inventory out of my business and it went from a successful one to me having to declare bankruptcy. I have spent and will spend many more years trying to recover financially all because I trusted the wrong person. I guess in this case it is not so much that he is an ex but that he is a con artist who got away with it.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Would you have sex with someone for a million dollars?

The real question is would you have sex for money. The dollar amount is not what is important, that just determines your price. Before you get offended think about it, everyone has a price. If your child was sick, or dieing what wouldn’t you do to help them? If the only way to get the medication or pay the doctor bills was to sleep with someone would you do it? What if it was the only way you had to get food into your home, and into your kid’s belly? What if one night with someone would clear up your bills and debts and let you work on giving your children a better life? It all comes down to your circumstances.

What is worse letting your child go hungry or having sex with someone for money? There are people today who would have never ever thought about selling their bodies for sex who are in a situation where it an option or a solution. I find it hard to judge those people who trade sex for money instead of steeling or letting their kids go hungry or homeless. In some parts of the world, like the Untied States, it is a legal taxable job and in others it is an incredibly risky situating to be in. In Iraqi a 14 year old was killed for having sex for food. I have not been in that type of position but I have enough empathy to understand and feel for these people who are.

I started thinking about this last week when two older ladies propositioned my husband. It was implied to him that they would pay money to have sex with them. He told them he was married and walked away. He came home and told me about it and said he had been tempted for all of two seconds. When the ladies asked him two thoughts did go through his brain, one the ladies were good looking and two it would depend on how much money they offered him. He was surprised at himself for even thinking about it for a second.

He realized then how much our financial situation is putting a strain on him and us. So we started talking about what we would and would not do for money and what type of circumstances would change that. I have a real problem with the idea of me taking money for sex, or steeling, or killing someone for money. That is just not who I am. And yet I know that very good people have been put into situations where they do. Take a look at what happens in almost all war torn areas in the world. Today there are thousands of women in Iraq selling themselves for sex to survive. People do things they never would have thought about just to survive, and protect their families. The question then is not what would you do but what would you not do.

Think about where you draw the line now and what would make you change that. Most of us don’t know what we would do until we are in that situation.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Low sex drive studies for ladies

Viagra was a huge success so now the drug companies are doing studies to help ladies with low sex drives. The drug company that can create a drug that makes women to want to have sex, or increase their sex drive will be making truck loads of money. Guys would buy it for the women in their lives and ladies would buy it help fix an issue and improve their relationships. It is a win win situation for both the drug company and their customers.

So there have been quite a few test studies being done for different existing and new products to see if it has an impact on ladies with low sex drives. Yes different products help some women, and other ladies are found to have hormone issues that can be fixed. What the studies are finding though is that often a women’s low sex drive is the result of not being happy with their partner. They are board, or it is just the same old routine then it is hard to become interested. For others there are problems in the relationship, anger or self-esteem issues. Who wants to have sex with the guy who just put you down, called you a name, does not show appreciation or respect to you, or ignored you all night? Another big reason is that they are tired. People do a lot in a day, and are tired. Sex and relationships are two things that people let slid when they are tired.

Another big conclusion is that long term use of the pill is having an effect on ladies testosterone and other hormones resulting in low sex drives. The solution, get off the pill. Problem is that it is the most commonly used and easiest form of birth control. This includes the shots, and implants. The long-term use of birth control is to decrease a women’s sex drive. Solution offered is IUD’s and other forms on non-chemical forms of birth control.

So if you think you have a low sex drive you are going to want to figure out if it is caused because you are not happy in your current relationship. If that seems to be the problem then change may be needed. If it is not your current relationship get your hormones checked out. If you have been a long time users of birth control, most ladies these days, then you may want to look at a different birth control method for 6 months to a year to see if it has an effect on your sex drive.

I do find it funny that for most guys it was a physical issue that can be fixed with a pill and for most women it is an emotional issue that cannot be fixed with a pill or it is being cause by the pill.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

There is latex in what?

A friend of mine has an allergy to latex. Because of this I have found out that latex is in a lot of things most of us don’t even think about. Rubber bands for one, some clothing and now it can be found in food. One website on latex allergies I found said that “Latex is used in making condoms, diapers, rubber bands, rubber toys, sanitary pads, adhesive tape, balloons, urinary catheters, and exam gloves. Individuals that are allergic to latex can also be allergic to banana, avocado, kiwi fruit, chestnut, and tomato.”

There has been some research done regarding the transfer of latex from a glove to cheese and then from the cheese to other foods. Latex protein studies have shown that using latex gloves to handle the cheese leaves this latex protein on it. It seems that cheese is often coated with latex to keep it from molding. So if latex from a glove can be transferred to cheese then how much latex is in the cheese if it has been coated with it? Some latex gloves have cornstarch in them, it seems the latex protein attaches to the cornstarch and can become airborne causing the air in that work area, often hospitals, to have latex particles floating around waiting for someone to breath them in.

My friend is unable to eat pizza now because every time she orders in she has an allergic reaction from the cheese. Now it may just be that the food handlers are using latex gloves or the cheese was coated in latex to keep it from molding. It does not matter how the latex gets on the cheese, she still has a reaction that could kill her. Yet one more thing for me to keep in mind for when she comes over, latex protein is transferable. This means I could be handling balloons and then transfer the latex protein to her or food. Kind of scary when you think about it.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Stress is the enemy, not the kids

It is all in your mindset

A few weeks ago I had a day that started off all wrong. We slept in a bit, and of course that threw our whole routine off. There is no such thing as rushing a 3 and 5 year old. The end result is that we watched the bus we needed pass us by and the next one was not for another half hour. After waiting about 15 minuets I realized I had left something at home and we had to go back and get it. There was little chance of us getting home and then back to the bus stop to catch the next one.

I tried to and we almost made it. The bus showed up 5 minuets early so we again got to see it pass us by. Unfortunately I did snap at my kids because it had been such a struggle to get them to the bus stop in the first place. I had just spent about half an hour to forty-five minutes trying to get them to get someplace fast. That was my fault, not theirs and I knew it even as I raised my voice. I was stressed about being late for my class and their preschool. Their preschool will not take them after 9:30 and we would not make it in time if we waited for the next bus. We returned home, I refocused my mind and attitude well Daddy took them both to potty.

I took a little breather, accepted the fact that I was going to be at least an hour late for class and let that stress go. There was nothing I could do to change it, so take a deep breath and let the stress go. Daddy called the school to let them know we were running late, so that stress was gone. I decided to walk to the preschool as it would take about 25 minutes to walk and we could make it in time. My kids and I had a nice walk, with a calm Mom (me) and happy kids as we actually talked on the way there, and even stopped to smell lots of flowers.

So what could have been a bad day all day turned into a good day once I stopped the inner dialogue of; “we have to hurry, why are they stopping for everything”, “we are going to miss the bus if they don’t hurry up”, “if they had only walked like usual we would have made the bus”, etc. I knew that there was a chance we would miss the first bus and was positive we would miss the second one. For some reason in my mind I focused on the fact that the more I pushed the kids to hurry the slower they got as why we missed not one but both bus’s.

Even as I was getting upset with them I knew it was not their fault. Yes my one kid was being difficult, but when is she not? We missed the first bus because we were running late, sure we still should have been able to catch it but she wanted to walk slower today. Who knows why? Still not a big deal, we can always catch the second bus. It has happened before and will happen again. We usually talk or play as we wait. Today it was my fault that we had to go back home and missed the second bus. There was no point in getting stressed out at my kids; I was the one who caused us to miss both buses.

It is easy to let stress take over at times and get upset about the wrong things. The difficulty is recognizing that it is just the internal dialogue causing the stress and that it is not your kids. Sure they may not be doing what you want them to but it is what we are telling ourselves that gets us stressed out. We forget that there are always options, like rescheduling an appointment or even changing plans. Life is never smooth, even the best-laid plans can go haywire even when your kids are being perfect.

I had let the stress win for a few minutes, then recognized was an A** I was being. I was able to refocus and get on with my day. I won this time, and so did my kids. Things go much easer when “stress” is the enemy and you deal with the stress.