Tuesday, September 16, 2008

After effects, pedophile goes to jail now what

A few years ago a monster was reveled to be among people I knew and hung out with for years. Bruce was sexually molesting the children of those who knew and trusted him. This had been going on for years. Eventually one of the kids became old enough and strong enough to let people know what was going on. Then the true horror came out as family after family realized they had let this monster have access to their children. And the questions started, did he do anything to my child or children. Unfortunately the answer was yes. (Not my kids because we did not let them baby-sit or be alone with them)

So people did the right thing (or not) they let him live and put him in jail. That was not the end of it. There are countless children, some are teenagers now, dealing with what was done with them, who statistically will either become victims or abusers if they cannot get the help they need. The parents are still dealing with the guilt that they let this happen. The guilt destroyed relationships, families and marriages. The guilt and anger ate away at them.

A large group of people literally fell apart. Years of friendship and experiences all became tainted by one man. The local SCA group (the hobby group they all belonged to) became associated in the minds of many with this man and what he did to the children of his friends. People stopped being a part of the SCA because now the people in it and the events they went to reminded them of Bruce. Even people who did not have children molested by him pulled away. Everyone was thinking, how come I did not see this, what could I have done, how did I let those children down?

His family had to deal with the guilt and shame. Though his sister and her husband publicly supported him and still feel he should be let back into the SCA. Not going to happen, they know what he is now. However this has caused a lot of conflict and destroyed quite a few friendships. The fact that they are both still part of the SCA group is part of the reason why so many have left it.

Then there is Bruce’s wife. She said she knew nothing about this side of him and divorced him as soon possible. She feels guilt for not seeing through him, and the fact that he was using her to get to more kids. They were babysitting a lot. She lost a lot of friends even though people said they knew she had nothing to do with it. She was still his wife. People could not be around her and not think of him. She has tried to move on and is in a new relationship but is still being affected by what he did. It did not help that Bruce and his lawyer tried to say that she was supporting him to try and get a lighter sentence. People who heard the lawyer say it in court are having a hard time getting past that even though she said it was a lie. No mater what she does now she has been tainted by the brush of Bruce and even years later feels as if she has to defend herself, that she did not know what he was doing and did not support him.

People are still dealing with what Bruce did years later. He gets out of jail next year and I am sure people will still be dealing with the aftereffects for years to come. It says something when the aftereffects outlast his jail time. I don’t think he was sentenced for enough time. Though I am not sure if there is going to be enough time for the children and their families. The question now is; where is he going to get his next victim? Someone who did this for years is not someone who is going to change or stop. He is just going to find another source of children and the cycle starts again.


  1. Most wives of pedophiles have no idea what is going on---the same with rapists and serial killers. Criminals of this nature use their spouse as a way to quantify their "normalness". And in the case of pedophiles, often to gain access to children.

    Unless the wife knows and does nothing (and I know for a fact that in this case she had no idea, but still blames herself to some degree, which she shouldn't) she should not be blamed.

    His wife divorced him as soon as she knew the truth....is that not enough?

    It is his crime, and his crime alone. Everyone else (the children, the parents, his wife) are victims. Pure and simple.

  2. I did not say that she knew or should be blamed for anything, I was trying to show how this has effected her. How his actions have had an impact on her life, that yes she is a victim as well. That even after all these years she still feels she had to defend herself, to make sure people understand she did not know. All the people in this blog are his victims one way or another.

  3. Sorry---I wasn't disagreeing with you, just pounding that point home with other readers. A lot of people don't understand that a VAST MAJORITY (like 98%) of women whose partners are pedophiles (or other sexual or violent criminals) have no idea what is going on.

    Take a look at the case of the family in Austria, where the father had his daughter locked in a secret basement room her entire life, fathered several children with her, and his wife had no idea. (It was proven that she didn't have a clue, through lie detector tests).

    So yeah....I was just affirming that point. Sorry if it came across that I thought you thought otherwise.

  4. I think men should not be given a clean slate. Just because you know them doesn't mean you should trust them until you think you might be given a reason. It's a darn shame that it comes to this.,But let's face it. Through-out time, they have been the sexual predators, they have been the rapist, they have been the pedifiles, the ones who over and over again are the ones found guilty for molesting their own children or some family member let's not forget the priest scandle remember? Notice there weren't any women involved with that Nun's or any female.Wus Up guys? The womaniser's, the ones who want children for brides, or think its ok to be years and years older than their brides,a lot of which happens even in not so backward cultures, and just as much in developed countries.,by pursuing teenage or very young women for wives, like she really is making a great choice for her life already being married and usually with children and without a college degree before she's even 20. Great position to be in if things don't work out. Which a lot of times they don't. What's the figure half of all marriages end in divorce. Then what? The ones who are through-out history notorious for having mistresse's, solicting in prostitution and just being over sexed., and think it's OK whats the excuse? just being a red blood male.Bull,these guys are everywhere and always have been.

  5. Maybe you are right that we should keep an eye on every man. I think for sure women should be extremely careful about leaving children alone with boyfriends or step-fathers. It breaks my heart how often I see in the news that some child has been abused or molested by a boyfriend who was "caring for the child." I am automatically suspicious of men who want to spend a lot of time with children who are not their own progeny.

    I think a big part of the problem is that we (as a culture) are not teaching our daughters correctly. We allow them to be sexualized too young, instead of teaching them to be independent and self-sufficient before they get into relationships with men. I was in my 40s before I realized just how competitive even normal men are -- they want to win in every situation. For men, sex, even normal sex, is partly about power. Women should not walk into that trap without being able to stand up for themselves and their children when they need to do so.