What online games are safe to let our kids play?

I was reading a blog “Am I a bad dad for letting my kid use the headset in Xbox Live?” about a dad talking about the things being said to an 11 year old on Xbox. I thought it brought up a good point, what are adults and teenagers saying to our kids and each other. The name calling alone was enough to say I cannot let my children, who are much younger then 11, play Xbox Live, even with the speaker on let alone with the headset on. As he pointed out his son has told him about the names, but what has he not told him about.

I have seen some adults “play” and they can get quite verbally abusive. Everything from name calling to death threats can be heard when adult’s play, and that is with out the anonymity of being online. I don’t know what people are willing to say when no one can identify them, where there is little or no risk for being aggressive and no reason to be “nice”. At what point does the environment become so negative or toxic that our children should not be exposed? I know that when I play poker some of the people online are quit offensive, but I have the option to block their chat or report them. If they are breaking the rules, i.e. using abusive language they can be kicked off the system or their chat rights removed depending on how bad they were. I don’t think this option is available on Xbox Live, all you can do is limit chat to who is on your friends list and I think that takes away from the game if you are trying to be part of a team but cannot talk to them.

I know that there are quite a few sites now for kids to chat and play games. Who are the other people on the other computers? What are they willing to say to kids? I can only control what my kids say and do, not what they hear and read. This is why I don’t think online live games are going to be a part of my kids lives for sometime, or mine unless I have some control over what I hear and read. My kids and I don’t need to be abused to have fun, thank you. I want to be able to cut someone off if they are being abusive, I don’t need to hear it, nor do my kids.

I think the real problem is that there is not a moderator on Xbox Live, nor is there any way to have a moderator unless they start using verbal recognition programs and tap into every single game. The only way to control what is being said is for the people to control themselves, and that is not going to happen. Options, stop playing the game when a person becomes abusive, play through it, or don’t play at all. So you may want to think twice about what you are getting your kids this Christmas. What doorways are these online games going to open and what control do you have over them?

Dinosaur prints in the sidewalk

Yesterday morning my three year old got all excited about finding dinosaur prints in the sidewalk. We had all sized of prints to find and follow on the way to pre-school. It was a lot of fun. She would talk about what dinosaur made what print. There were a lot of baby dinosaur prints and eventually she found a baby dinosaur that she took to pre-school. My five year old decided that he found dragon prints and a baby dragon to take to pre-school.

Now we did not actually find dinosaur prints, we found footprints of people and animals in the cement as well as tool and equipment markings, and chunks missing from the sidewalk. They were all dinosaur or dragon prints to my kids. We talked about how big each dinosaur or dragon was to make a print this big or this little. Sometimes there was a herd of little dinosaurs and other times there was just a few bigger prints.

I liked how creative they both were. It was funny when they both decided they found a baby and had to catch it and take it to pre-school with them. We talked about their babies the rest of the way to the pre-school. It was enjoyable looking for more dragon or dinosaur prints, talking about the babies they found and just having fun with my kids. When I picked them up from pre-school it seems the babies had left to go home sometime during the day and that we might find them again.

All of this came from my kids. I just went along for the ride. I gave them the freedom to run with their imagination by leaving our house early so there was no rush to get to the school. I listened to what they had to say, looked at what they pointed to and showed interest and enthusiasm in everything. I did not say, no that is not a dinosaur print it is a cats print or tool markings or just a hole in the sidewalk. I agreed that it must be a dinosaur print and let things go from there. It took little to no work on my part to show interest and to be part of it, the kids loved it and I thought it was great. It is interesting what kids come up with when we just let them be kids. I think the next time the walk to or from pre-school starts to become stressful I am going to find some dinosaur footprints of my own in the sidewalk.

What makes a good parent?

I am always hearing about good parent vs. bad parent but what does that actually mean. Does that mean you are a good or bad person? I think that people who are not so good can still be good parents and good people can also be bad parents. It all comes down to parenting skills and if they care about their kids or not. There are horrible people out there who are great parents, their children love them and feel safe, but I would never want to work with them or for them. There are other people who seem to be great in public but years latter we find out that these upstanding members of society were torturing their children. I think that most people try to do the best they can for their children. I struggle everyday to overcome my childhood, and learn better parenting then what I was shown as a child.

I have learned that to be a good parent you:

1) Have to care about yourself and your children. If you don’t care about yourself or your children it is very difficult to be a good parent with positive influences.

2) Listen to your children, hear what they want and need not what you think they should have. Your children are individuals and should be treated as such, not an extension of yourself.

3) Play with your children so that you have some positive experiences with your children to build on. This gives you time to enjoy your children, not being a parent, boss or supervisor but a play partner. Have fun with your kids well you can, they grow up quick.

4) Keep your temper no matter what, even if it means you have to take a time out or leave the room. Giving your child a time out is a way to let yourself cool down. Let someone else deal with an issue if possible when it becomes too much. This is a lot easer to say then do. Kids tend to not listen, jump, run and break things all the time. Also they are trying to become independent people who can think and do things for themselves, even when you are helping them they still want to do it their own way. Big rule here, no hitting.

5) Take care of the basic necessities like clothing, food, shelter, love first and if possible give the extras after everything else is taken care of. Showing that you love your child by spending money on something they want is great, but not if you don’t have enough money for food because you spent it on a treat. Not giving a child what they want does not mean you don’t love them or are not a good parent.

6) Follow through. If you tell your children you are going to do something or give them something then you need to follow through other wise your word means nothing. This is for both positive and negative. If you say you are going to take away their TV for a week then you need to do that. Same as if you tell them they can help with dinner, or pick dinner then you need to do that as well, even if you have had a busy day.

7) Show your children that you love them. Telling them “I love you” does not mean much if your actions show otherwise. Give them hugs, put their artwork on the wall or fridge, tell them how great they are, and spend time with them. Let them know you like being with them and having them as your children. Actions speak louder then words every time.

8) Remember that you chouse to be with your kids, not that you have to spend time with them. It is a difference of perception, if you chouse to do something you are more likely to enjoy doing it then if you think you have to do something.

9) You don’t always have to like your kids, just love them even when you are not happy with them.

10) If you do something wrong admit it, say sorry and work on not doing it again.

I am sure my list will grow as I grow as a parent. The problem I have is remembering this stuff as my kids run around the house screaming, fighting and not listening. It is a hard stressful job being a parent. If it was not my own kids you could not pay enough to do this job. Most of us would not pass the requirements if you had to pass a parenting test before we became parents, but somehow we do get through it and so do our kids.

Finding 5 minutes to play with your kids

We are all good at finding reasons for why we cannot find time to play with our kids. There is never anytime to get everything we need to get done in the day let alone play. I personally find this to be my weakness as a parent. I can supervise with the best of them but struggle to make time to play with my kids.

Yet I know that just taking the time to play with them has way more benefits then not. I know giving them five to ten minutes of playtime with me a day increases their positive behaviors and actually frees more time for me. But I still struggle to remember to make the time. It is difficult for me to play, not instruct or supervise.

At one point I actually scheduled playtime in my day timer. That worked for a bit and then other things started to interfere with it. It is summer and all the kids want to do is play outside with their friends. By the time the come in it is dinner, bath, story, and then bed time. When do I fit playtime in there with out disrupting the routine? They get hyper when we play and it is not conducive for an easy bedtime, they just want to keep playing. Now 5 minutes is not a lot of time and should be easy to fit into the day.

I realized today that I have the perfect opportunity for playtime several times a day. We wait for the bus every morning for 10 to 15 minutes. We play pirates on the bench at the bus stop. Today they each took a stuffy with them and we played a game with them. It was easy to do and it was a lot more fun then just sitting there. What do I care about what the other people at the bus stop think; I am spending time with my kids. Added bonus was that because the kids were playing with me I did not have to worry about them getting to close to the road or picking up who knows what off the ground. It made it easer and fun for all of us. This is gong to work for us.

I finally figured out that it does not have to be formal playtime on the floor with toys or at the table with play dough. We can play anytime and any place. I think it will be easer to go shopping with them because we can now make a game out of it, and play. Instead of me telling them to keep up, keep your hands to yourself, get back here, don’t touch that. We can play I spy, pirates looking for a treasure (some item on the shopping list), or just about anything the kids can come up with. Trust me they can come up with way better ideas then I can. Bus rides and waiting for the bus, or standing in line are now times to play.