Miss the Mist if you can

Over the years I have seen some bad movies. The Mist Directed by Frank Darabont ranks up there in my list of worst movies. There is just something wrong with this movie. It started off pretty normal. An us against them movie. There is something out there that has us trapped and it wants to eat us. A bunch of people are stranded together and try to survive. Decedents occurs based on people’s dislike of each other and their own fears.

Then the movie starts to become uncomfortable. Not because of gore or violence. Though there is some. No it is the way the people are. How they talk to each other and react to things. People kill themselves. The relationships are not “real”. The plot line is off track and unpleasant. There was only one character that I “liked”. It was the store employee who almost makes it through the movie. He bands together with the main character against the mob mentality. He was the only likeable person. Also one of the few that had much character development.

To be blunt the ending sucks. The movie was not so great, but the ending just kills any positive thoughts I could have had. Sure the SGI was well done. But then what movie in the last year has not put the effort into the SGI work. To me it was a B movie hoping people would not notice it was. It needed a better story line or interaction between the characters to pull me in. Then it needed to something positive going on. It did not. Everything was negative and getting worse. There were no endearing moments.



It did not even feel as if the movie was trying to capture your attention. It was trying to be different and disturbing. All it did was make me dislike it. I did not read the book beforehand. I was not even sure what the story line was before I watched it. It was suppose to be a physiological thriller. It fell short. If you have the opportunity to watch The Mist, miss it. Not worth the bad taste it leaves in your head. Any movie that has the main character kill his son and the other survivors’ moments before rescue is just wrong.

Christmas Does not have to be expensive #1

My kids love to make things and money is tight this Christmas so instead of spending money on fancy ornaments this year we are buying the less expensive plastic and foam ornaments and having fun making them fancy. Please note that my kids a 3 and 5 so their idea of fancy is not the same as most people, but I can live with that.

One of the first things we did was buy some plastic balls and stickers at the dollar store. We were able to find stickers for all the big name cartoons our kids love, and by putting them on the balls we now have Dora, My little Pony, robot, whinny the pooh and more ornaments for way less then a $1.00 each, and on top of that my kids feel pried because they made those ornaments.

We also bought glitter glue from the dollar store and Wal-mart and used it on the ornaments. It is a good way to go from nice to wow in a kids eyes; let them add sparkles to it. Lets just say I am much happier with the glitter glue instead of glitter and glue. It is harder to put the glue on and then put glitter on with a 3 and 5 year old. You end up with glitter and glue all over everything. With the glitter glue there is much less of a mess, and you don’t have glitter permanently in all your things, and you. Lose glitter has got to be one of the hardest things to clean up.

Over all we had fun, some unusual ornaments made with the memories of making them that we will think of every year we put them up on the tree. I don’t care if some of them are downright odd looking, my kids made that. Also, they make good Christmas gifts, handcrafted ornaments to Grandma.

Appreciating your child lets you value them

Recently I have started trying everyday to find something to appreciate about my children. Why, because it is a change in perception. I understand that if I appreciate something I value it. I am not saying that I don’t love or value my children but that by changing my view of things it changes my attitude as well. On a bad day I try to appreciate that my kids want to hug me and do things with me instead of seeing it as, “Why wont they leave me alone for five minuets.”

I appreciate the kindness and protectiveness my son has for everyone. He wants to be the hero, the one who keeps people safe from monsters. He takes on more responsibilities then a 5 year old ever should. He was telling me that if he defeated the monsters he would have money and he would give it to me and make things better. What five year old comes out with that? I value the person he is and is becoming. It is a lot easer to see it now that I am looking and finding things to appreciate about him. (picture is not of us, I don't like getting my pictures taken.)

My daughter is a little harder, but she is only three and going through what I hope is just a difficult phase. Though I have been told it never ends, they will always be rebellious and struggling to find or get their own way. However even on her worse days (and mine) I can still find something to appreciate. She love books and loves it even more when I read to her. She has a great smile and sometimes is willing to share with others spontaneously. There is a lot to appreciate in her and her actions if you take the time to look for it between the stubbornness and tantrums. She gets the stubbornness honestly so we are learning to live with it, lol.

Instead of concentrating on what went wrong or all the “bad” things the kids did or said, i.e. the negative things, I am looking past that to the kernels of “good” and fun in my kids. Every night I have started asking my son how much “good” is in him and he always tells me to guess. I start off holding my fingers together as if it is just a pinch. He says “no” and I move my hands apart a little. We keep doing this until I have my arms as outstretched as I can, and then he tells me it is even more then that. I have seen a huge change in him; it makes him feel good that I think he is that good. And he is a great kid when you take the time to look.

It goes back to that old saying “You will always find what you are looking for.” So if you are only looking for the negative, you will always find negative things. If you are looking for positive things you will find them too. It is just a matter of what you want to concentrate on. Looking for things to appreciate in my kids everyday is not always easy but it is worth it for my kids, our relationships and myself. I may not always appreciate what my children are doing, but I can always find something to appreciate in them.

Family survival guide for today’s economy

Things are hard for most people right now, and it looks as it is only going to get worse. People and families need help to survive this so called economic downturn. (Recession in any other language.) Here is a guide to help people survive. The keys are Prioritizing and budgeting combined with change and sacrifice.

Prioritize. You need to know what you are willing to give up and what you are not willing to give up. What is important to you? You cannot budget if you don’t understand what is important and what can be sacrificed. For most people the priorities are:
Rent or mortgage, food, essential bills, health insurance, car payments, car insurance, gas, clothing, personal hygiene and then entertainment and luxuries at the bottom. It is OK to have a non-essential item in your budget. It is your quality of life we are dealing with. What is important to you is not going to be the same for everyone else. Once you know what you value, what your goals are then you can start figuring out how to budget your goals.

For a lot of people what they prioritize is going to be completely different then other people. One lady I know wants to be able to go out and have coffee with her friends several times a week. She knows she cannot go out for meals anymore but she still wants to be able to go out and socialize over a cup of coffee. For my husband getting the credit card bills paid down, and keeping his credit good is his priority. For me it is keeping food on our shelves and making sure our kids have snacks and a drink box for school. Everyone values different things and that is OK, make sure when you are prioritizing you are honest with yourself and pick the things that you really value not what you think you should value.

Budgeting. Once you know what you need to have in your life you can make a budget. First you need to know what money you have coming in, where money is actually going verses where you need it to go. You need to understand where your money has been going so you can make changes. The best thing to do is write a list of your bills and when they have to be paid. Figure out what bills can be paid when, with what paycheck keeping in mind the need to buy food and other things. If making a budget is difficult for you there are a lot of agencies who will help you make one, some are free, others will charge you. Find out what is available in your local area. There is no shame in turning for help with your finances. It does not mean you are a failure, it just means you are like most people and need guidance from a third party that is not emotionally invested in your finances. If there is no one available locally there are quite a few sites on the Internet that can help you create a budget.

There are many different ways to live with a budget successfully. One is to pay the important items as soon as you have the money even if it is not due yet. This way you don’t have to worry about it and you will not spend the money on something else. Another is post dated checks, if you are the type to remember them and not end up with NSF charges because you forgot you wrote them (that’s is me). A good system is the cash in jar or envelops. When you get your money it is taken out of the bank and divided into envelopes. Each envelope has a label on in it showing what the money is for. Only the amount you need is put into it. So if you have budgeted $100 for food each week, then that is all that goes into the food envelop. For a lot of people it is easer to follow a budget when it is cash on hand. What you have is it, you can see it and touch in and feel its loss when it is gone. You just don’t get that with Interac. Find the budget system that works for you.

Stop using credit cards. You are only barrowing money that you will have to pay interest on. Often times this is where people get into trouble. They owe so much that all their money goes to the credit card and then they have to use what is on the credit card to live. As tempting as it is, do not use the credit card. Start using money and pay down your card with what you have left.

Change and Sacrifice. Unfortunately with today’s economy the only way to get through it is to make changes and sacrifices. That is what the prioritizing was all about, figuring out where you were going to have to make changes and what you had to give up. Change is hard on all of us but it needs to be done now before things get even worse. Identifying where your money is actually going verses where you need it to go is a huge part of making changes.
One of the biggest money suckers is on the go food and drink. Figure out how much money you spend on coffees, teas, pop, snacks, lunch out, dinner out, or delivery. It is actually kind of scary how quickly that all adds up. For a week keep every receipt and each day keep track of what you spent on each item. At the end of the week add it all up. How much did you spend on coffee, tea or some other drink in a week? What about snacks? Stop buying stuff on the go, instead find other options like taking a lunch and snacks. By changing this one thing you can save a lot of money.

How do you change from buying food and drink on the go all the time. Start planning. Make your lunch the night before. Start making dinner larger and take leftovers for lunch. By snacks foods or make snacks and take them with you just in case you get hungry. Start taking a thermos of coffee or tea. Bring a water bottle with you. If you like water fill it up at a tap instead of buying bottled water. Buy the big containers of juice crystals, gateraid, ice tea or apple cider and then make it in your water bottle. It is all about planning and thinking about what is going to cost less.

One way that worked for me is re-evaluating how I judge the value of something. A hamburger meal is not $5.00 to me but a bag of milk or two meals worth of hamburger. Don’t think about it as only $5.00 but what could you buy instead. It is funny how things value change when you don’t think about it in terms of money but in terms of what else you could get for the same amount of money.

Figure out what is the best value for your money when shopping. Big rule of thumb is it does not matter how much you saved on something if people will not use it, wear it or eat it. Make sure you are getting value for your money. A good example of this is no name pudding: No one in my house like the taste of it, so it is not worth it for me to buy it, even if it is a dollar cheaper. Going with no name products can save you money as long as it actually gets used. Look for sales, coupons and value priced (no-name or store brand) products, do the price comparisons because even when something is on sale does not mean it is the best deal. When I shop if it is not on sale I will usually not buy it, however if there is an item we use on sale I will often buy as much of it as I can, depending on how good the sale is.

Turn things off when not in use. This was a hard one for us. We left the T.V. on all the time, even when we went out, same with some lights. We have had to force ourselves to be more aware of what we had on and to turn things off. In Ontario the hydro company has just installed smart meters that will track not only how much electricity we are using but when. Soon they will be changing the billing process so that what we pay will depend on the day and time that we used the electricity, any where between 3 cents/kWh to 9 cents/kWh. This is going to change how we do things.

Buying secondhand before new is also a way to save money. There are a lot of secondhand stores around, though you still have to shop around. Garage sales, Mom to mom sales, kijiji, craigs list, and the classifieds can save you money. Going to clothing and furniture exchanges is also a great way to save money and help others. The idea is that you bring what you don’t use anymore and drop it off, and take what you can use. This has been great for kids clothing as kids tend to grow out of things faster then we can buy them. See if your local area has one, if not see if someone is willing to start one, often church’s, community centers or food banks are willing to have them. Freecycle is an online clothing and furniture exchange. Each local community has one for their area and it is done all by email. It is incredibly helpful. If possible start using the food banks. Even if they don’t have much to give it still frees up some of your money for other things. Sometimes $5.00 makes a huge difference.

It is going to take a lot of work on your part to make changes that you can live with. Things are going to have to be sacrificed. As money becomes even tighter we will have to give things up just to be able to continue paying bills. By prioritizing first you will know what you can and are willing to give up. The sooner you make the changes the better it will be.

Define failure

Over the years I have come to realize that our fear of failure has more control over our actions then our drive to succeed. Most of us will go out of our way to not fail. Many will put more effort in avoiding what they perceive as failure then they put into trying to become successful. Our fears are a great motivator. I know that I will go to almost any lengths to avoid what I see as failure, which is also my greatest fear.

My idea of failure has changed over the years. First it was giving in, not surviving, letting my family destroy me, letting them win or being what they expected of me – their idea of a failure. I succeeded in not being a failure; I lived and believed in myself. Then it became a fear of loosing my job, being unable to provide for myself, still connected to my earlier idea of failure. Now my idea of failure is being homeless or not being able to provide for my children or keeping them safe. Again tying into my childhood, but not an unreasonable definition of failure. I am lucky in that I have not found myself in that type of situation, and hope I never do. I don’t know what I am capable of doing to avoid that situation; I do know I would do almost anything to not let that happen. Something like Katrina and its results of being homeless and without a way to provide for my children or keep them safe would be my greatest fear.

My Mother’s idea of failure was to be unable to keep a man, or to be with out a man in her life. My mother remained married to a man who was a drunk, drug user, rapist, and wife beater who tried to kill her, and me, many times over many years. One day I asked her why. She said, “If the marriage failed she was a failure”. She defined failure as being unable to keep a husband. It did not mater that we went without a lot of things, were poor, living in a trailer without water or electricity or that her husband beat her and life was bad as long as she had a man in her life she was good. It was strange to see someone accept all the pain and suffering for herself and child just to keep her husband because to loose him was to fail. And yet for me she was a failure because she did not protect nor provide for her child, whatever man that was in her life was always more important.

I know people who feel they are a failure if they don’t have the big paying job with a great title and the corner office and are willing to sacrifice everything and everyone to get there. Others think they have to be married and have kids before they are 30 or they have somehow failed. I don’t find these to be realistic definitions of success or failure, but then they are not mine. I know more people who define failure as not being there for their children, being unable to pay rent or put food on the table, or letting someone beat or control them. To me this is a realistic definition of failure.

As everyone has his or her own idea of success we also have our own concept of failure. This defines us as much as our concept of success. We are doing ok as long as this does not happen. Where is your line drawn for failure? What in your mind is the one thing that would make you a failure? Is it rational or realistic? I ask this because some people believe that everything is fine as long as this does not happen or they have not crossed a line but the reality is that they are in need of help, are on a downward spiral and should not be waiting until the worse happens before dealing with it.

People like my Mother who though what ever the man in her life was doing was ok as long as he stayed with her, even if he did not care for her, respect her or even want her alive anymore, or tried to kill her child. I see it in others all the time. This idea that as long as some pre-defined occurrence does not happen life is good no mater what is actually happening. It is like the drug addict who say’s as long as I am only popping pills and not using a needle I am in control, or the overweight person who is ok as long as they don’t reach 300 lbs, or the gambler who has not lost the house yet. . All Hell could be breaking loose in their lives but as long as “This” does not happen everything is OK.

Now most of us are not that bad, but we do need to understand what motivates us. Is it the desire to succeed or the fear of failing? I think that both can be a positive force in our lives if we have realistic drives or fears. What we see as success is not always what we see as failure. The idea of success is to make sure something happens, to not fail is to make sure something does not happen. The other questions we really need to be asking are, “If we do not succeed with our idea of success does that make us a failure?” “Or is it that if we can prevent what we perceive as failure from happening we are successful?” “Is success the same thing as not failing?” “Can we succeed in one area and fail in another?” “Are our definition of success the same as failure?” “Are our definitions of success or failure ours or what we have been taught to believe by others?” Most important, “Is our definition of success or failure realistic?”

Low sex drive studies for ladies

Viagra was a huge success so now the drug companies are doing studies to help ladies with low sex drives. The drug company that can create a drug that makes women to want to have sex, or increase their sex drive will be making truck loads of money. Guys would buy it for the women in their lives and ladies would buy it help fix an issue and improve their relationships. It is a win win situation for both the drug company and their customers.

So there have been quite a few test studies being done for different existing and new products to see if it has an impact on ladies with low sex drives. Yes different products help some women, and other ladies are found to have hormone issues that can be fixed. What the studies are finding though is that often a women’s low sex drive is the result of not being happy with their partner. They are board, or it is just the same old routine then it is hard to become interested. For others there are problems in the relationship, anger or self-esteem issues. Who wants to have sex with the guy who just put you down, called you a name, does not show appreciation or respect to you, or ignored you all night? Another big reason is that they are tired. People do a lot in a day, and are tired. Sex and relationships are two things that people let slid when they are tired.

Another big conclusion is that long term use of the pill is having an effect on ladies testosterone and other hormones resulting in low sex drives. The solution, get off the pill. Problem is that it is the most commonly used and easiest form of birth control. This includes the shots, and implants. The long-term use of birth control is to decrease a women’s sex drive. Solution offered is IUD’s and other forms on non-chemical forms of birth control.

So if you think you have a low sex drive you are going to want to figure out if it is caused because you are not happy in your current relationship. If that seems to be the problem then change may be needed. If it is not your current relationship get your hormones checked out. If you have been a long time users of birth control, most ladies these days, then you may want to look at a different birth control method for 6 months to a year to see if it has an effect on your sex drive.

I do find it funny that for most guys it was a physical issue that can be fixed with a pill and for most women it is an emotional issue that cannot be fixed with a pill or it is being cause by the pill.

Stress is the enemy, not the kids

It is all in your mindset

A few weeks ago I had a day that started off all wrong. We slept in a bit, and of course that threw our whole routine off. There is no such thing as rushing a 3 and 5 year old. The end result is that we watched the bus we needed pass us by and the next one was not for another half hour. After waiting about 15 minuets I realized I had left something at home and we had to go back and get it. There was little chance of us getting home and then back to the bus stop to catch the next one.

I tried to and we almost made it. The bus showed up 5 minuets early so we again got to see it pass us by. Unfortunately I did snap at my kids because it had been such a struggle to get them to the bus stop in the first place. I had just spent about half an hour to forty-five minutes trying to get them to get someplace fast. That was my fault, not theirs and I knew it even as I raised my voice. I was stressed about being late for my class and their preschool. Their preschool will not take them after 9:30 and we would not make it in time if we waited for the next bus. We returned home, I refocused my mind and attitude well Daddy took them both to potty.

I took a little breather, accepted the fact that I was going to be at least an hour late for class and let that stress go. There was nothing I could do to change it, so take a deep breath and let the stress go. Daddy called the school to let them know we were running late, so that stress was gone. I decided to walk to the preschool as it would take about 25 minutes to walk and we could make it in time. My kids and I had a nice walk, with a calm Mom (me) and happy kids as we actually talked on the way there, and even stopped to smell lots of flowers.

So what could have been a bad day all day turned into a good day once I stopped the inner dialogue of; “we have to hurry, why are they stopping for everything”, “we are going to miss the bus if they don’t hurry up”, “if they had only walked like usual we would have made the bus”, etc. I knew that there was a chance we would miss the first bus and was positive we would miss the second one. For some reason in my mind I focused on the fact that the more I pushed the kids to hurry the slower they got as why we missed not one but both bus’s.

Even as I was getting upset with them I knew it was not their fault. Yes my one kid was being difficult, but when is she not? We missed the first bus because we were running late, sure we still should have been able to catch it but she wanted to walk slower today. Who knows why? Still not a big deal, we can always catch the second bus. It has happened before and will happen again. We usually talk or play as we wait. Today it was my fault that we had to go back home and missed the second bus. There was no point in getting stressed out at my kids; I was the one who caused us to miss both buses.

It is easy to let stress take over at times and get upset about the wrong things. The difficulty is recognizing that it is just the internal dialogue causing the stress and that it is not your kids. Sure they may not be doing what you want them to but it is what we are telling ourselves that gets us stressed out. We forget that there are always options, like rescheduling an appointment or even changing plans. Life is never smooth, even the best-laid plans can go haywire even when your kids are being perfect.

I had let the stress win for a few minutes, then recognized was an A** I was being. I was able to refocus and get on with my day. I won this time, and so did my kids. Things go much easer when “stress” is the enemy and you deal with the stress.

What online games are safe to let our kids play?

I was reading a blog “Am I a bad dad for letting my kid use the headset in Xbox Live?” about a dad talking about the things being said to an 11 year old on Xbox. I thought it brought up a good point, what are adults and teenagers saying to our kids and each other. The name calling alone was enough to say I cannot let my children, who are much younger then 11, play Xbox Live, even with the speaker on let alone with the headset on. As he pointed out his son has told him about the names, but what has he not told him about.

I have seen some adults “play” and they can get quite verbally abusive. Everything from name calling to death threats can be heard when adult’s play, and that is with out the anonymity of being online. I don’t know what people are willing to say when no one can identify them, where there is little or no risk for being aggressive and no reason to be “nice”. At what point does the environment become so negative or toxic that our children should not be exposed? I know that when I play poker some of the people online are quit offensive, but I have the option to block their chat or report them. If they are breaking the rules, i.e. using abusive language they can be kicked off the system or their chat rights removed depending on how bad they were. I don’t think this option is available on Xbox Live, all you can do is limit chat to who is on your friends list and I think that takes away from the game if you are trying to be part of a team but cannot talk to them.

I know that there are quite a few sites now for kids to chat and play games. Who are the other people on the other computers? What are they willing to say to kids? I can only control what my kids say and do, not what they hear and read. This is why I don’t think online live games are going to be a part of my kids lives for sometime, or mine unless I have some control over what I hear and read. My kids and I don’t need to be abused to have fun, thank you. I want to be able to cut someone off if they are being abusive, I don’t need to hear it, nor do my kids.

I think the real problem is that there is not a moderator on Xbox Live, nor is there any way to have a moderator unless they start using verbal recognition programs and tap into every single game. The only way to control what is being said is for the people to control themselves, and that is not going to happen. Options, stop playing the game when a person becomes abusive, play through it, or don’t play at all. So you may want to think twice about what you are getting your kids this Christmas. What doorways are these online games going to open and what control do you have over them?

Dealing with children’s disrupted routines

Most kids need routines; it gives them a feeling of control and security. They know what to expect and what is expected of them. Real problems can come when a routine is disrupted. A child can feel insecure, threatened or scared and will often act out when their routine is interrupted. Life happens and we the parents or caregivers cannot always meet our children’s needs for consistency and routine, all we can do is deal with the disruption or permanent changes and any reactions our kids have.

From personal experience I know that even a small change like bedtime being ½ hr later can have an impact on my children. For small routine changes it is best to try and keep as much of the routine the same. So bedtime may be a ½ hr later but we still do the same things in the same order. The time may have changed but nothing else has. This reassures kids that they still have some control and know what to expect. It is not always possible to keep a routine, even if it is just a matter of time.
When we are running late it is not always possible to follow the morning’s routine, sometimes compromises have to be made. It may be a matter of having breakfast on the way instead of sitting at the table, or not getting the time a kid needs to ease into transitions. All of this can through a kids day off and their behaviors. Their expectations have not been met and they are reacting to that. Also when we are late or rushing there is the added stress to everything. This is usually when our kids act out or break down, just when we need them not to. But then what can we expect, we are changing their routine and expect them to rush around with no transition time or anything, and we are probably stressed and they can hear it in our voices, of course they are going to be resistant to what we want. Not that being aware of why they are acting out makes it any easer as you try to get everyone out of the house and make it to your appointment or work on time.

Then there are things that just happen that we don’t have control of but can still disrupt our routines; the car breaking down, the power goes out, unexpected guest show up, or someone does not show up or is late. This is life. The best thing to do is to try and get back onto your kids schedule or routine as fast as possible. If one day you are unable to follow the usually routine the very next day you start right back on it, even if your kids resist. The sooner you can get your kids back into the routine the easer it is on everyone.

Change in a routine is the hard one, even when it is a good change. A parent or caregiver starts a job, or changes the time the go to work, or starts school can be very difficult for kids to adjust to. This is a permanent change that they will have to learn to live with. Eventually it will become part of their routine but we the parents and caregivers have to give the kids the time to adjust. We cannot expect them to accept a change right away, it can take weeks even months for some kids to adjust.

School starting in the next two weeks is going to be the big change in routines for most of us. It is going to take a few weeks for both kids and parents to get used to this. It can be a stressful time for everyone. The best thing to do is try and keep the new routine as close to the old routine as possible, and be there for your kids even if they don’t act out or express anxiety. They may be feeling it but are not showing it. Consistency is going to be the key to getting everyone to adjust to the new routine sooner then later and with as little stress as possible. Give yourself and your kids a lot of time in the morning to get used to getting ready for school. Do as much work, like making lunch and picking out clothing, the night before. Anything you can do to reduce the stress of change will help. You may want to start working on the new routine now so that it is not so new on the first day of school. Do some practice runs now to make sure your timing is right so there is not a lot of stress to get everyone moving and where they need to be the first week of school. This will give everyone some time to adjust their routine before hand so things go more smoothly the fist day of school.

Giving yourself and your children time to adjust to any change in routine is the key. There is usually resistance to change, which may cause your child to act out or just feel insecure for a bit. Every person, adult or child, deals with change differently. The only cure for this is for the change to become part of the routine, and only time and consistency can do that.

What makes a good parent?

I am always hearing about good parent vs. bad parent but what does that actually mean. Does that mean you are a good or bad person? I think that people who are not so good can still be good parents and good people can also be bad parents. It all comes down to parenting skills and if they care about their kids or not. There are horrible people out there who are great parents, their children love them and feel safe, but I would never want to work with them or for them. There are other people who seem to be great in public but years latter we find out that these upstanding members of society were torturing their children. I think that most people try to do the best they can for their children. I struggle everyday to overcome my childhood, and learn better parenting then what I was shown as a child.

I have learned that to be a good parent you:

1) Have to care about yourself and your children. If you don’t care about yourself or your children it is very difficult to be a good parent with positive influences.

2) Listen to your children, hear what they want and need not what you think they should have. Your children are individuals and should be treated as such, not an extension of yourself.

3) Play with your children so that you have some positive experiences with your children to build on. This gives you time to enjoy your children, not being a parent, boss or supervisor but a play partner. Have fun with your kids well you can, they grow up quick.

4) Keep your temper no matter what, even if it means you have to take a time out or leave the room. Giving your child a time out is a way to let yourself cool down. Let someone else deal with an issue if possible when it becomes too much. This is a lot easer to say then do. Kids tend to not listen, jump, run and break things all the time. Also they are trying to become independent people who can think and do things for themselves, even when you are helping them they still want to do it their own way. Big rule here, no hitting.

5) Take care of the basic necessities like clothing, food, shelter, love first and if possible give the extras after everything else is taken care of. Showing that you love your child by spending money on something they want is great, but not if you don’t have enough money for food because you spent it on a treat. Not giving a child what they want does not mean you don’t love them or are not a good parent.

6) Follow through. If you tell your children you are going to do something or give them something then you need to follow through other wise your word means nothing. This is for both positive and negative. If you say you are going to take away their TV for a week then you need to do that. Same as if you tell them they can help with dinner, or pick dinner then you need to do that as well, even if you have had a busy day.

7) Show your children that you love them. Telling them “I love you” does not mean much if your actions show otherwise. Give them hugs, put their artwork on the wall or fridge, tell them how great they are, and spend time with them. Let them know you like being with them and having them as your children. Actions speak louder then words every time.

8) Remember that you chouse to be with your kids, not that you have to spend time with them. It is a difference of perception, if you chouse to do something you are more likely to enjoy doing it then if you think you have to do something.

9) You don’t always have to like your kids, just love them even when you are not happy with them.

10) If you do something wrong admit it, say sorry and work on not doing it again.

I am sure my list will grow as I grow as a parent. The problem I have is remembering this stuff as my kids run around the house screaming, fighting and not listening. It is a hard stressful job being a parent. If it was not my own kids you could not pay enough to do this job. Most of us would not pass the requirements if you had to pass a parenting test before we became parents, but somehow we do get through it and so do our kids.

School safety, who can pick up your child?

Who can pick up your child from school? Do you know what the pick up procedure is at your school? How well are those policies followed? I was watching a Dr. Phil episode about children being picked up or kidnapped from their school. In both cases the policies that are in place to protect the kids were not followed. As a parent I need to know what the procedures are and how well are they followed. How do you test your school?

What can we do to keep our kids safe? One thing to do is let our kids know what to do if someone tries to pick them up from school. One solution is to tell the child to refuse to go unless the person knows your safe word. A word only you and your child know. Your child should also know that just because a teacher says this person is here to pick you up does not mean it is ok to go. They can say NO to the teacher and not go with that person until the person gives them the word or they have talked with you over the phone.

It is funny but both kids had been told by their parents not to go with strangers, but they went anyway because the teacher told them that this man was here to pick them up. At no point was the identity of the man taking the child established. This was a definite breach of policy. So you can have the best policies in place but they are only as good as the person enforcing them.

It is not good enough to have great policies you have to enforce them as well. There are real consequences here. If someone is kidnapping a child from school chances are they don't have the best interest of the child in mind. As a parent we need to make sure the policies are being enforced, even if it is inconvenient for parents and the teachers. It is a lot more inconvenient to have to search for your child then it is to show some id when picking them up.

At our kids pre-school no one is aloud to pick up our kids unless they are on the list of people we have authorized to pick them up. On top of that they have to have verbal confirmation from us prior to pick up, otherwise the person cannot take them from the school. So we have to pre-arrange for anyone other then us to pick up our kids. Then the person has to show id proving that they are the person that they claim to be. There is only one door that people are aloud to go in or out and it is manned at all times. You have to be buzzed in. They have a great system, one of the better ones in our area. However, this fall our son is going to real school and we have to establish the schools pick up policies. I expect that they are not as secure as the preschool. Now we have to teach our son what to do if someone other then us tries to take him from school. I hope he does a lot better then the two kids that were taken from school by strangers.

Why have the Sex talk with a five-year-old boy?

I have been getting some very strange questions from my 5 year old and I had to really think about my answers. I had to decide if I should just give some meaningless answer or actually give him some information, and if I gave him information how much. I also had to think about what other questions my answers would give him.

During bath time he asked:

What are balls?
What is inside balls?
Does Mommy have Balls? Why not?
Does Daddy have balls?
Where do babies come from?
What is sperm?
How do babies get inside Mommies?
What is sex?

It started out easy, “What are balls?” and then became progressively harder as my answers gave him questions I was not sure I was ready to give uncomplicated answers to. I gave honest answers trying to keep it as simple as possible until he reached a point where the answers became too complicated for him to understand. At that point I used redirect to get him back to his bath and gave myself some time to think before the next set of questions. I want to get the information across without having to get into details and that is not an easy thing to do.

So why give a five year old real answers? It is a lot easer to provide information now that will be stepping stones for him to learn about himself, his body and sex, as he gets older. If he is looking for information now, then now is when to give it. It makes it easer to have conversations latter on when he older and ready for more information. I have to start thinking about strategies now so I can be ready when he is. I cannot say that I would be the type to buy an adult magazine and use that to answer questions, but I can see me finding some medical books and using those when he is older. It is still the same information but presented in a different way. There is a fine line between providing answers and resources about sex and corrupting a minor.

Dealing with death and young children

When someone close to your family dies you have a lot to deal with. First you have your own grief. At the same time you need to be aware of how the death is affecting your child or children. How do you explain death to them? Do you let them say goodbye? Do you take them to the viewing and or funeral or keep them away from it all? It all depends on the child.

In the last year I know several families all dealing the deaths. They all handled it differently. Several different scenarios occurred, all with upsides and downsides.

1) Grandma died. It was explained to the children that Grandma was in heaven. They decided not to take their kids to the funeral or the viewing. The little girl keeps asking when Grandma is coming back from heaven. The little boy is angry because he did not get to say goodbye to Grandma like everyone else. Looking back the family thinks that they should have taken the kids to the funeral and possibly to viewing so that they could see that Grandma was dead and say goodbye.

2) An uncle died. The three boys want to go to the funeral and say goodbye. They did not get to say goodbye when other family members had passed on and they are upset about it. Mom is concerned about dealing with inappropriate behavior at the funeral. That they are going to be asking a lot of questions and are not going to be quiet and respectful. She is expecting to be embarrassed because her boys are disruptive of others morning. She would like to keep them home in respect for others at the funeral. It is a conflict because she also knows her boys don’t just want to say goodbye, they need to. They have had a real time understanding that other family members are dead, they never saw the body, and did not get to say goodbye. The older boy is actually angry that he did not get to see and say goodbye to Grandpa when he died a year ago. He needs some type of closure, and talking to him about it is just not enough. At this point she is planning to take them to the funeral because her boys need this and other people will just have to understand that they are children dealing with a loss as well.

3) Grandpa died. The boy wants to go to the viewing and say goodbye, the girl does not want to see the body. He wants to go to the funeral she does not. The single Mom had to decide what to do, leave one home with a babysitter, make both stay or both go. She decided to take the boy to the viewing, and both to the funeral to say goodbye. She felt it gave both kids closure and that if the girl had not gone she would have regretted it latter. Both kids had questions about death and the funeral, all of which the Mom tried to deal with before they got to the funeral. She decided to talk the kids through the funeral before they went. She told them what to expect, what people would be doing and what was expected of them. This helped out a lot. It took away the girls fear, and answered the boy’s questions. It gave them time to be comfortable with the funeral. There were a lot of what happens when you die, and why do people die questions. The pre talk actually helped a lot, and started to give the kids closure even before they went to the funeral. It was very hard on the Mom.

As much as we would like to protect our children from the reality of death, it seems that they need closure as much as we do. In our own grief it can be hard to see that. We don’t want to have to deal with it, and think our children will be unable to deal with it. That dealing with death will harm them somehow. We think that we are protecting them by keeping them away from viewings or funerals.

Yet we already know that kids need to say goodbye just as much as we do. Look what happens when a pet dies. Often we will have some goodbye ceremony, a funeral (if possible) and some type of morning. If this is what we need to do for a pet then we need to do the same when it is a person. It is a type of closure. Many children are unable to accept that someone has died until they see the body, or the funeral.

That does not mean it is going to be easy. I heard quite a few horror stories of kids being scared of the body and having nightmares for weeks. Another kid kept asking when Grandma was going to jump out of the box and yell surprise. She was quite upset when they actually buried the casket because Grandma was in there. How was she going to get out? Another kid yelled boo and wake up at the body and tried to poke it. Grandpa was just sleeping and he was trying to wake him up. It is all very stressful for everyone involved. You cannot give into your grief because you have to deal with your kids and that just makes it even harder on you.

So in one way it may be easer on us the parents to leave the kids at home. However, it seems not going to the funeral is more stressful for the kids and possibly more stressful for the parents in the long run. It is all going to comedown to what you the parent thinks is going to be best for your child.

Single Mom’s Fathers Day dilemma

So what do you do when you are a single Mom and Fathers day comes along? Things are fine if the Dad still has consistent positive contact with their kids. Unfortunately this is not always the case.

As a child I had limited contact with my Dad. My Mother never had me do anything for Fathers day. Eventually I chose to make and send my Dad Fathers day gifts. I made that decision on my own. It was my way to reach out to my Dad. It did not change a thing and eventually I stopped, again my decision. It could not have been easy for my Mother to let me do this year after year only to be let down by my Dad yet again.

I have several friends who are single Mothers having to deal with difficult Fathers day decisions. The fathers are either absent, abusive or not reliable; i.e. say they will show up and don’t.

The ones with the absent or abusive Dads cannot let their kids see their Dads for obvious reasons. With the unreliable Dads do you make plans for your kids to spend Fathers day with him? You know that there is a higher chance of him canceling or just not showing up then there is of him actually spending time with his kids. Is it better to have no contact or to not make planes or live with the possibility of him rejecting and hurting your kids again?

This is an incredibly difficult situation to be in. If your child wants to do something for Fathers day let them, even if you know that Dad is not going to respond. The truth is that at this point it is not for the Dad but for the child. Let them be just like their friends, making something for Dad. It is also a good way to let kids express themselves and deal with their feelings.

As a parent it can be heartbreaking to see your child reaching out to someone who is just not there. Kids are not stupid. They figure it out eventually. They will make cards that ask, “Why don’t you play with me, like me, love me?” Let them say what they want. No matter what you will still have to find a way to be there for your kids and let them know that it is not them, their Dad is the one with the problem.

How to deal with it? Don’t force your kids to make Fathers day anything and don’t stop them if they want to. Then make the day about them, not their Dad.

5 Unusual Fathers Day gift ideas

A card or a tie seems to be the only traditional Fathers Day gifts. There is no safe fall back gift if you have no idea what to get your dad. Sometimes it can be hard to find the right gift or find the one that shows how you feel. Other times it is just nice to find something that is unusual and fun to give. Here are some unusual Fathers Day gifts for dads of all ages.

Please note that I am listing the website that I found them on and the price listed on it. I am in no way connected to these websites and I am sure these items can be found in retail stores or other online shops.

Survival Kit in a Sardine Can. This is great for the guys who like to camping, fishing, hunting, hiking, or long road trips. It made me think of my Step Dad who works in the woods as a forest ranger, but I think other people will like it just because it is so odd but useful. It is an actual sardine can filled with 25 survival items: non-aspirin pain reliever, adhesive bandage, alcohol prep pad, antibiotic ointment, book of matches, compass, chewing gum, sugar, salt, energy nugget, duct tape, fire starter cube, first aid instructions, fish hook & line, note paper, pencil, razor blade, safety pin, reflective signal surface, tea bag, waterproof bag, whistle, and wire clip. I found this at http://www.thinkgeek.com/ for $12.99.

USB Memory Watch. This is for the guy who has to be connected all the time, or just likes spy gadgets. It is a watch that can be used to store 2 GB or 4 GB of data. I like this because it can be useful, you don’t need to carry around a disk or something, just upload info, MP3 files, pictures, or whatever into your watch. There is less chance of forgetting it or loosing it, which I tend to do. On top of that it actually is a nice looking watch. For an external data storage and watch the price was pretty good. I found this at http://www.thinkgeek.com/ for $34.99 and $54.99.

Working Wood Siege Tower. This is for those guys who love castles, knights, and siege weapons. This is a little siege tower is a 1/18th scale replica of a 13th century war engine. It actually shoots a clay ball over 10 feet. It is a kit so it has to be made, but that is half the fun. I actually know quite a few men who would love to spend an afternoon building siege towers and then using them to battle each other, or at lest see who’s is the best or shoots the furthest. I know they built catapults out of Popsicle sticks and spent the afternoon trying to be the one to hit the most targets in a cardboard castle. I have a list of people for this one, even if it was designed for age 9 and up. The kit comes with rolling wheels; lowering drawbridge and firing catapult and includes some modeling clay for projectiles. Requires scissors and white glue. I found this at http://www.x-tremegeek.com/ for $39.95. I can think of the trouble I would get into with this on my desk. Just picture it, low cubical walls all around, “Where did that come from!” would be the cry.

Stainless Steel Wallet. I know that wallets are not that unusual, but this one is. It has the texture of silk but is actually woven from micro fibers of stainless steel. It makes me think of the duct tape wallet that was so popular a few years ago. I found this at http://www.thinkgeek.com/ for $79.99.

USB Rocket Launcher. My husband has this one on top of his wish list for Fathers Day gifts. He loves it because you operate it using your computer. I think this is the gift our 5 year old is going to give him. I will never get the two of them off the computer with this. They will play with this for hours and never get tired. Though I did see one with a web camera that lets you see what you are aiming at. It is the USB Webcam Rocket Launcher will shoot up to 15 feet. If two people have them then they can take over each other’s remotely and fire on each other. Sound like a lot of fun. I found both of these on http://www.thinkgeek.com/ for $29.99 and $59.99.

Balancing a Child’s safety with the need for free exploration: parenting past and present.

Balancing a child’s safety with the need for free explorations is handled differently today then it was in the past. Why, because each generation has learned from the mistakes of the last generation and technology has changed. Sure we don’t let our kids play in the kitchen when we cook, we put gate up so they cannot get in. Why, because too many kids were burned and we learned to do things differently. We don’t let our kids bike with out a helmet, or at least the helmet is on when we can see them. Why, because we like our kids to not have brain injuries. We keep our kids wired to us by cell phones and some times GPS trackers. Why, don’t we trust our kids? Yes, about as much as our parents trusted us and I am sure if my Mom could have put a GPS on me back then she would have. This gives us some feeling of safety for our kids as kids can be and are picked up off the streets every day.

Does keeping your child out of the kitchen when you cook prevent them from learning hot don’t touch, or this is how you make dinner? No, they can still observe out of harms way and we can do other activities together that teach in a less harmful environment. Does making your child put their helmet on when biking hold them back, no. Is making them call you at specific times on their cell prevent them from exploring the world, no but it lets them know that you care about them. In some ways it even lets them explore more, we can find them or check in with them at any time, it just takes a call and we know what is going on. Or as much as they tell us, there is still trust issues out there.

I am not saying that our parents did not try to keep us safe, just that our perceptions of what needs to be done to keep our kids safe is different. I am sure our children will also have a different view on what is safe and what is not. Parents in the past said, “Don’t put any thing into the electric socket”, we say the same thing but now have little plug caps to put into them to help remove the temptation. Trust me if a kid is determined to stick some thing into the electric outlet they will find a way. But that is why we tell our kids not to and have better fuses to shut off the electricity if they do. We still tell our kids, don’t play by the pool, and don’t go in the pool if we are not with you. However, we now put fences up with motion detectors on the gate and special motion detectors on the pool to give us warning if someone is in the water.

We have better ways of keeping our children safe now; it does not hamper our children’s need for free exploration. We are not keeping our kids from exploring; we are just making sure it is in a safer environment. We don’t leave guns, or matches in places where kids can get to them and tell them don’t play with that, it is not a toy. We lock them up (the guns and matches, not the kids). Our kids can still learn that guns and matches are not a toy with out being put into a situation where they harm themselves or others. I like to think that we have come a long way from the time of having seat belts but not using them to having car seats and buster seats with special belting to keep them safe.

About 10 years ago my friends parents where babysitting their grandson. He had just started to go from crawling to trying to pull himself up. The Grandmother made her husband his tea like usual. She boiled the water, put the bag in and then put it on the end table by the couch. The little boy used that table to pull himself up. The table fell, the hot tea burned him so bad he had to go to the hospital for 3rd degree burn treatment and his chest will be scarred for life. As a result of this I always made sure I used a travel mug with a lid around my kids, that I took my cup with me when I left a room, or made sure it was in a high, secure place. My kids learned my cup was hot and that they were not to touch it. Did I stop putting my cup in a safe place, no, just for my own peace of mind. I learned from the mistakes of others, as I hope my children will learn from my mistakes.

Ignoring is a wonderful tool when dealing with kids

Now please note that this is not ignoring a child but to praise positive behaviors and to not acknowledge negative behaviors that are not harmful. The idea is that if we give positive attention when children are doing what we see as being good we are reinforcing the positive behavior. This would be if your child was helping tidy up and you tell him or her what a big help they are being or when they are playing nicely with other kids and you tell them how proud you are that they are doing such a great job sharing. This will encourage your child to continue this because they get attention from you.

The ignoring comes in when a child is doing what we the parents see as behaving badly. This is when you child asks for a cookie before dinner and when told “No” has a tantrum. The idea is to not pay any attention to the screaming child on the floor doing everything he or she can to get that attention. As long as they are not harming themselves, others or damaging things let them scream and cry. They are still not getting the cookie. If we feed into it and try to calm them down or explain why they cannot have a cookie they are getting attention and will more then likely keep it up. If you know that when you say, “No you cannot have a cookie now, it is almost dinner time” that a tantrum will start instead give him or her an alternative to the tantrum or cookie by saying, “No, you cannot have a cookie now, it is almost dinner time, can you help set the table.” That may divert them from the tantrum.

However if the tantrum starts just ignore that behavior. They don’t need to get your attention for negative behavior. Let them cry and scream, don’t look at them, don’t show any interest in what they are doing by word, body language or facial expression. Make sure everyone ignores this. Eventually the child will figure out that this is getting them exactly nothing, no attention and no cookie. Think about it as an adult, you feel kind of silly ranting and raving about something if no one pays any attention. It works the same with kids to. First they will increase the level of the tantrum to get your attention, once they don’t get it they eventually stop. After you do this several times kids will actually reduce the number of tantrums and the severity of the tantrums because it is not getting them anything.

It is very important that once the bad behavior is over you quickly find a good behavior to complement or praise them on. This quickly re-enforces that positive behavior gets them attention, negative does not. It has been found that if we give our kids lots and lots of positive attention with words, body language and facial expression all day and ignore the negative behaviors the negative behaviors reduce. Ignoring is one of the hardest parenting skills to master. It is hard on us to see our kids upset; we want them to be happy. It is stressful having a kid screaming and crying and not do anything about it. You want to make them stop, it is hard to not try to make your kid stop telling them to stop or explaining why they cannot have the cookie. In the long run though, ignoring is an incredibly useful tool. We just have to give ourselves permission to ignore a behavior and then train ourselves to do so.

How to keep your teen girl safe when she parties

How to best keep your teen girl safe when she parties, become the party home. Let your home become the one every one hangs out at. Sure you have a messy house and a large food bill but at least you know where your teen daughter is at and what she is doing. You can control what goes on in your home, make sure drugs and alcohol is not getting into the teens, and no place for them to have sex. The reality of this actually happening is slim to none as teenagers want to party at the place with the least supervision. So you have to deal with the reality that your teenager is going to party with her friends some where out of your control.

You need to teach your teen girl that she can party and have fun without drugs or alcohol, give her the real information about what drugs and alcohol do to a person. Control what you can and educate her on every thing else. We also must teach by example. What is the point of saying, “Do as I tell you not as I do”? It does no good to tell a teen girl not to do some thing she sees her parents and other role models doing.

Things parents need to think about to keep their teen girl safe when she parties. People need to understand that a party can be any activity outside your supervision. It can be at a school party, a birthday party, friends home, at underage dance clubs, or your teen girl can get fake ID and get into actual bars and clubs. There are too many things to worry about these days. If we let our teen girls party we need to make sure they understand what is ok, not ok and the consequences of her and others actions. What are we the parents most concerned with? Sex, Drugs and alcohol for the most part.

Let us deal with each of these: First Sex.

As parents we need to have the sex talk with our children, both boys and girls as early as possible. This way they will hopefully have a good idea of what sex is, what is ok and not ok, and the consequences like pregnancy, Aids and other STD’s. We cannot stop our teens from wanting sex, or even having sex. All we can do is try to make sure they make the best possible informed decisions.

We also need to build our teen girls self-esteem so they don’t need to turn to teen boys and men to feel better about them selves. Girls with low self-esteem often turn to sex to become popular and mistake the attention they are getting for love or as giving them value. Others with low self-esteem will let people treat them badly, even selling themselves to others for sex because they don’t think they are worth more or deserve better. We as parents need to do what we can to stop this from happening. We must let them know they are valued and loved by us, just the way they are. Not an easy thing to do.

What we need to make sure our teen daughters understand is that teen boys and even grown men want to have sex with them. Yes even when a teen girl is only 13 guys are trying to get into their pants; they don’t just want to be fiends. For the most part teen boys and men will tell her what ever she wants to hear to try and have sex with her. Others may go a more direct rout, using drugs and alcohol to get rid of her inhibitions, and make it easer for them to convince her to have sex. Others will use alcohol, and drugs to cause her to be unable to fight them off as they rape her. If you are passed out it is kind of hard to say “NO”. Others will just rape, with or with out the use of drugs and alcohol. Our daughters need to know this, not some sanitized version of life. They must understand that this can happen to them, it does not just happen to other people.

Second: Drugs

All children, and teens, must understand the difference between drugs and medicine. Medicine is some thing a Dr. prescribes to make a specific medical problem better. Drugs are sold or given by people who want them to get high, become addicted, and give them money to get more drugs. Sure the idea is that drugs make you feel better, have better sex, or just remove you from problems. The reality is that drugs make you stupid, addicted and change who you are.

So we make sure our kids and teens know not to do drugs. That it is not a cool or fun thing to do, even if other people around you are doing it. Doing random drug tests at home help them say NO. It makes it easer for them to give a reason for not doing the drugs, a way out from peer pressure. It is much easer for a teen to say, “I can’t do that or be in the room when you do it because my parents drug test me when I get home” then to say “No I don’t want to do that”. For the most part unless a teen girl is looking for drugs to escape their lives they appreciate having a way out from taking them.

The real problem here is that drug dealers are marketing and targeting preteens and teens. Our kids and teens don’t even know that they are taking a drug. There were some sour candies that the dealer coated with a drug and they looked the same as the regular sour candies. Others have made special suckers; the drug was mixed in with the sucker ingredients when they were being made. It looks like a sucker, why would any one think it was not one. Then they don’t sell drugs to the kids and teens, but they sell a candy that is special, makes you feel better, or how ever they want to market it. The next thing you know the kids and teens are addicted to a drug they did not even know they were taking. Drug testing at home can catch this and help find where the drug is coming from.

Third: Alcohol

This one is the hard one. It is legal and teen girls see their parents drinking. If it is ok for the parent to drink alcohol why can’t they? It is one of those do as I tell you not as I do type situations, and that never works. A lot of people do not see there is any harm in drinking even when it is underage drinking. Telling teen girls that drinking puts them at risk can help keep them from drinking, but only if they understand the hard facts about it. Not some lame, “Don’t drink its bad for you.” Drinking impairs decision-making so you have to stop them from having the first drink.

Teen girls need to understand that it puts them at risk to be raped as well as other things. Alcohol is responsible for most teen deaths. Death caused by drunk driving is the one most people think of. However alcohol poisoning is right up there as well as non-vehicle related accidents. When some one is drunk or stoned things that would normally be obviously dangerous is not seen that way. This would explain many injuries and deaths like trying to race across a train track and beat the train, or jumping off a cliff into water to go swimming.

How to keep your teen girl from drinking or doing drugs? There are home tests that you can use to tell if she has been drinking or doing drugs. It makes it easer for her to say; “no I get tested when I get home”. If she is old enough to drive get her to always be the designated driver. The best thing to do is to be brutal in showing the consequences. Not just the films about drinking, or showing the cars that were in drinking related accidents. Show them the people on the street, homeless, see if you can show some one detoxing from alcohol or drugs. Have them talk to some one whose friend or family member died from alcohol or drugs. Make her watch how people act when drunk. If she does come home drunk film her. Then show her what she is actually like when drunk.

Summer Birthday Party ideas for boys 4, 5 and 6 years old

Summer is a great time to have a birthday party. There are a lot of options available for every budget, from free to as expensive as your budget can handle. There are a lot of outdoor activities and locations for parties, though you should always keep in mind that weather will not always co-operate. Always have an indoor back-up plan.

The time and day that you have the party on is going to have an effect on a lot of things. The best time for guests between 4 and 6 years old is usually 11am to 1 pm on a weekend. This time will usually work with most families so that the guests you invite can come. In the summer it is possible to have parties during the week between 11 am and 1 pm, however you can expect fewer guests to be available. Evenings can work, but you may want to have the party from 5:30 or 6 PM until 7 pm to prevent interfering with bedtimes. Afternoons are better then evenings, though some people feel afternoon parties are more disruptive to their routines and you may have fewer guests then if you have it at 11 am.

You do not want to have the party last longer then two hours at this age. Any longer then that become disruptive to routines. Kids may start to misbehave or act out from the stress of the disruption of their routines. Also parents are less likely to bring their kids to a party that is going to be more then two hours. For the most part you can get a lot of fun and activates into two hours, anymore then two hours becomes stressful for everyone.

The best place to have a summer party is a local park with playground. Often there will be a picnic area, bathroom, on a bus route, and plenty of parking. Some places even have large covered areas that you can hold the party if it rains. Several in my city will also have little water parks, splash pools with lifeguards. This gives you a lot of options for party activities, though if the playground is big enough you may not need any. The beach can also be a good location, with lots of space, and there is usually a park area for picnics or local restaurants with bathrooms and food. Theme and water parks, zoo’s and places like the lion safari are also great ideas. You plan the party early so everyone meets to enter together, and then are free to enjoy the park after the party is over. Keep in mind that although you can get group discounts it can be very expensive. This can also be overwhelming for 4 to 6 year olds.

Once you have a location picked out you will want to think about activities and food. Kids this age have very short attention spans so having several activities on going so that they can move from one to another as they feel like. Don’t try to have very organized or complicated activities. Simple games and toy areas work best. Have some sidewalk chalk available, bubble stuff, some creative toys like trucks, cars and balls, balloons on strings and then let the kids be free to have fun. They are very creative at this age and are likely to be quite happy to chase on another around a tree then play some formalized game with rules.

Food, keep it simple, kids are picky. If you have a portable BBQ then do hotdogs. If you don’t then bring sandwich makings and let the kid’s parents make their sandwich as they know what their kids like. Have a selection of cut fruit and vegetables with a dip, chips, popcorn, and a selection of drinks. Pop is not a good idea here, fruit juice boxes and water works best. Cake is traditional and fun however a wonderful idea is to have a selection of cupcakes with out icing available. Have a table set up with the selection of cupcakes, several types of icing, and plastic knives, and some fun toppings such as gummy candies, mini colored marshmallows, sprinkles, and anything else you can think of. Let each kid pick a cupcake, put what ever icing they pick onto it and then let them pile it high with toppings. This gives you a great activity for the kids, reduces your prep work and is guarantied to have the kids having a messy but very enjoyable time. Just make sure you have enough cupcakes for multiple seconds as the kids will keep coming back just because it is so much fun.

Open gifts when they are all eating and then give the gift/grab bags out. At this point most parents will start leaving. However if you are in a public park even if they hang around you can pack up and get ready to go home. This cuts down on the guests that never leave, and leaves the door open for everyone to stay for as long as they want. So as long as you and your kids are having fun, stay.

Single Mom and Mothers Day

It is important for you to teach your children to value you; Mothers Day is a great opportunity to do that. It is hard when you are a single Mom and end up being the person getting your kids to make a gift or you end up buying your own gift for them to give you. As awkward as it is you need to give your children the opportunity to show how much the love and appreciate you. If you don't show your children that who you are and what you do are special and important how will they learn that it is? So you need to let your kids find a way to show that they love you, even if it ends up that you do all the work so that they have something to give you. If you are lucky than you will have family close by that can help you teach your children what Mothers Day is about.

There are some great things that you can do for yourself on Mothers Day. Find other Mothers and treat yourselves. It can be a wonderful to have an excuse to put yourself first, even if it is only for an hour. Go for lunch when the kids are at school. If you have the money then do the spa day, or what you can afford. Even having dinner out or delivery with your kids can be a treat, something special. It is in all how you handle it. It is not just having pizza for dinner, but Mothers night off, or Mom special meal.

There are quite a few fun things to do with your kids on Mothers Day. Let the kids help with making dinner, or clean up even if they are young and you end up doing more work. This will get them into the habit of doing things for you on Mothers Day, and understand that making or buying something is not the only way to show love and appreciation. Starting a Mothers Day tradition can make things easer on you and your kids. Every year make hand impressions in plaster of paris is fun, and the kids can paint them or what ever. Get a charm bracelet or necklace, every year have the kids pick out a charm so that every year you have a new charm and a good memory of picking it out. What matters is that you find something you and your kids enjoy and turn it into you tradition. It can be as simple as always having a movie night, or you spend the day making a craft, such as hand painted ceramic mugs and such, but you do it together.

Mothers Day can be whatever you and your children make of it.