Tips on talking to your teen boy about sex

As parents we need to have the sex talk with our children, both boys and girls as early as possible. This way they will hopefully have a good idea of what sex is, what is ok and not ok, and the consequences like pregnancy, Aids and other STD’s. We cannot stop our teens from wanting sex, or even having sex. All we can do is try to make sure they make the best possible informed decisions.

Time goes by so quickly. We meant to have that all important sex talk but the time never seemed right. All of a sudden our little boy is a teen boy and we have to find some way to talk to him about sex. There are a lot of ways to open up a conversation about sex with teen boys. Here are some tips on talking to your teen boy about sex.

The first hair shows up, the typical sign of the onset of puberty. This is a great time to talk about hormones and body changes. This can lead right into the sex talk. “Now that you are becoming a man you are going to want to have sex so it is time we talked about it.” “You are a man now, you are going to have some questions about sex. Now is a good time to talk with you about it.” Talk about what his “parts” do and what they are for. The how and why people have sex as well as the consequences of having sex. Such as pregnancy and STD’s.

There is always some good looking girl or woman on TV, in movies, and video games. Ask your teen boy if he finds her attractive. Then ask what he finds attractive in girls or women. What “feelings” he has and what he would like to do, like hug her or kiss her. This opens up what sex is, what the feelings are and what is and is not ok, how you treat a lady, i.e. no means no.

There are always talk shows on teen sex and the consequences and even on how to talk with your teen about sex. Montel Williams and Dr. Phil usually have at least a few every year. Watch them with your teen boy. Talk about the topic of the show. Use the questions the show opens up.
Teen boys get erections all the time. You can open the conversation by talking about how best to hid them in public; what types of pants to wear and other strategies to avoid embarrassment in public. This is a great way to find out what else your teen boy may have questions about.

Teen boys also start having ejaculations in their sleep, wet dream. This is a great opening to talk about what an ejaculation is and then talk about sex. This is a good time to talk about the issue of having unintentional ejaculation when reacting to stimuli’s, i.e. a pretty girl is talking to you. This can be very embarrassing and teen boys need an idea of what to do when it happens, or a strategy to avoid it from happening.

Buy a box of condoms and use a cucumber to demonstrate how to properly use condoms. This lets you talk about sex, safe sex, STD’s, contraception and hopefully find out what sex myths you son might believe. Myths like clingwrap around the penise works just as well as a condom. This also opens the door to questions like, “What do the different condoms do”, “What condom do girls like best”, “How do you know when to make the first move”

It is not important the way you open the conversation, as long as you have the conversation and give real honest answers. Find out what your son already knows or thinks he knows. If you don’t know what misinformation your son has you cannot let him know the truth. You need to talk about sex, how good it feels, when is the right time, how to control the urge, how to react when a girl says “no”, and how to have control over your body not the other way around. Think about all the things you wish you had known about sex at his age and talk with him about it.

Questions to ask on a first date

Neutral open-ended questions are the key. Never ask: “what do you do for a living, how much money do you make, religion or politics views, for or against having kids?” There are ways to find out if you are compatible enough for a second date. If you are then you have the time on later dates to find out if there are any deal breakers. The first date is not the place to do that. The idea is to find out if you like each other enough to want to get to know each other more, not find out every thing there is to know about each other. Here are some things to ask:



What would you do if you won the lottery? This can open up a conversation. How they answer the question can tell you a lot about a person, their values, their personality and what some of their likes and dislikes are. It can help show you how compatible you are in some areas.

What is your favourite entertainment? Not what TV shows they like or the best movie they have seen. That is too limited of a question. By asking what favourite entertainment you may find out if they like to go out or stay home. Are they a doer or a watcher? Do they go to concerts, plays, a jazz bar, play poker, race cars, do paint ball, stay home and watch CSI, or any number of things.



What was your favourite cartoon as a kid? This gives you a common neutral ground to start a conversation. It can also lead naturally to other things you both may like and dislike.



How are you enjoying the meal, cup of coffee? It can be what ever you are doing together. Then ask if they like any other restaurants, or coffee shops. This helps you find out what they like and can lead to an opportunity for a second date. I.E. “Well maybe we can go there the next time” or “Lets try that place next.” It is an easy way to get an idea if they are interested in seeing you again and lets them know you are. No second-guessing about how the date is going.