Weight Wake-up call

A few weeks ago I stepped on the scale and it tells me I am 330 lbs. That is my weight wake up call.

I knew I had started to put weight on again, my clothing was tight, and some pants did not fit at all. I just did not realise how bad it was. I have been fighting my weight since I was 12 years old. I know what it is like to lose a few pounds, only to put them back on again with a few extra of course.

When I was 12 my family started telling me I was fat. They put me on strict fad diets, not healthy at all. I did them all, whatever was popular they put me on it. The cabbage soup diet is the one I remember the most. I was always hungry. They also gave me appetite suppressants, and other diet pills. They used to make me jittery and I felt sick a lot. Mind you not once did they talk to a doctor about my weight, or what I should and should not be eating. If they had the doctor would have told them they were out of their minds. It turns out I was not fat at all, I was actually right where I should have been for my age and height.

My family had this odd idea that all ladies should be 108 lbs or less. It did not matter about age, or height. So as soon as I passed 108 lbs I was fat. I spent years developing what I call a yoyo diet eating disorder. My mother used to starve herself all day, popping appetite suppressants and high fibre pills. Then she would eat a small piece of baked fish, no sauce. She would have a small amount of plain white rice and maybe some vegetables. No butter, nothing.

My first step dad used to take great pleasure in getting me to eat adult portions. Once he took me out to an A & W and actually let me eat a huge burger, fries and onion rings. I am sure there was a dessert, I just remember being able to eat until I was full. The food was so good I kept eating any way. I think I knew I was unlikely to eat like that again for a long time. Even when I was not on a restrictive diet my Mom was all into health food, junk food was not an option.

My second step dad loved taunting me with the food his kids got to have. I would have to make his kids lunches and put their treats and snacks in. Things like donuts, cookies, chocolate bars and candy. All things I was told I could not eat. They used to tease me about it. Often my Step dad would bring out desserts and treats and the family would eat them in front of me. Telling me how good it tasted, etc. For Christmas they gave me a tin of candy, which they ate of course. All I heard every day was how fat I was. Yet I actually was not. Eventually I said no more. I was still restricted to the food they gave me, but I knew one day I would be free to eat what I wanted. The problem was that I was set into a pattern of fad diets and poor self esteem.

Needless to say my step dad and his kids were jerks. One of the first things I remember him telling me was that on my 16th birthday I was to have my bags packed and to get out because at that point my Mother was no longer obligated to take care of me. I was 12 at the time. My mother is so proud of herself. The only time she stood up for me was to insist that I got to stay until I graduated high school. So at 17 I moved out, probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Though I do think I started eating all the wrong foods as a type of delayed rebellion. If it was something they would not let me eat, I ate it.

For about 8 years my weight was fine. Then I put on a few pounds and started the diet to lose weight and put it back on and more cycle. I did weight watchers and other programs, all worked as long as I actually followed them. Once I stopped the weight would come back with a few extra pounds. Eventually I hit 220 lbs. For years I sat at 220 lbs, which was good because my weight was high but stable. I had children, but my weight was right back to 220 lbs within weeks of giving birth.

I went on Depo-Provera and packed on the weight in a couple of months. I put on about 100 lbs and have been trying to lose it ever since. It turns out that birth control is a common cause for weight gain, and having a difficult time getting it off. That was 6 years ago. I have lost up to 60 lbs only to put 80 back on. I was sitting at 300 lbs for the last year. Now I am up to 330 lbs. My health is strongly affected by this, so is my ability to play with my kids and my relationship with my husband.

It does not matter anymore why I put on weight. I have to lose it, properly and permanently. I have learned all the skills I need over the years of going to weight loss programs. Now I have to start using them. This is not about being skinny or looking good. I need to lose weight to get healthy. I don’t want my children to grow up fat because of the example I showed them. They are perfect weight right now and I would never do to them what my family did to me. I also don’t want to die because I did not bother to lose weight. This is about my life, and the quality of my life. I am taking control back, because I have to or I could die way before my time.

Yes I have some really big issues with food, and eating. I have to deal with them and get on with my life. I need to make better food choices, get away from my desk and do things. Even taking a small walk everyday is better then what I have been doing.

As a form of motivation, or possibly a type of accountability, I am going to document my process and progress on Lady Talks a Lot. I hope what I am going through will help others get up and start losing weight. Also if I know everyone is going to know how I am doing I might find it a little easier to actually do what I need to.

For the last couple of weeks I have worked on cutting down how much I eat. I am still eating junk food, candy and chocolates. That I am slowly reducing. I am going to add some exercise to my daily routine, maybe even play with my kids.

When I checked the scale today I was 318 lbs. So I am down 12 lbs. Let’s see if I can lose another 2 lbs this week.

Fun trying to find a Halloween Costume that Fits and Looks good

As a family we went Halloween Costume shopping. It was a lot of fun for the kids, but very frustrating for Mom and Dad. The kids we had no problem finding many costumes that they liked and fit them. If anything we found too many. We ended up buying two at the beginning of October and then three more on the weekend. Still no costume for Mom and Dad though.

For me, Mom, nothing fits. I am a plus size and trust me even the plus size costumes in the stores don’t fit. They usually only go to 22” or 1X. I did not find a single 3X costume for women. There were some nice costumes. Many of them I wish they had come in my size. Most of the costumes ran from about $30 to $60.

My husband had a similar problem. He is tall, 6’ 1”, with broad shoulders. Most of the costumes for men only were for men up to 5’ 10” and were too narrow in the body for him. Many men were complaining about the same issue, that none of the in store costumes fit. Also the selection was limited. Very few costumes for men in comparison to the verity for ladies and children. He could be a vampire, again. Or he could wear a robe and a mask. The costumes for men seem to run into very generic styles. It was psycho Dr. from hell, ghoul, vampire, monk, or the oversized ones with the airbags. Not quite the same quality or quantity of costumes available for the rest of the family.

Many men were actually quite upset with the selections at every store we visited. We hit several large department stores and some smaller outlets. We even went to second hand stores in hopes of finding something. The story was the same everywhere. The solution was to start looking online. We had concerns about the costs of the costumes. I found that the cost was between $30 and $60 for many of the costumes, which is about the same as in store. The real difference was in shipping. Some of the online stores are offing free shipping and discounts to offset the difference caused by shipping. Other sites are charging unrealistic fees for shipping. If you are looking into a costume online take your time to find the stores that are offering the deals.
We did find a selection of costumes that we would like to get. At this point we are going to hold off and try for next year. We will plan ahead and order costumes in advance. That way we don’t have to worry about budgeting for four costumes and shipping all at once. Several of the costumes I liked were way more than $60, more like between $100 and $200.

My husband liked some costumes but found a lot of them in the lower price range to be very cheesy no matter where we looked, in store or online. I think it is just a matter of not having that large of a selection in low cost men’s costumes. There were many awesome larger men’s costumes in the higher price ranges. We may have to invest into the higher quality costumes and plan to use them over and over again. In other words we better like the costumes a lot because that is what we are going to have for the next few years.