Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I have to admit that food portions are one of my weaknesses when it comes to losing weight. I don’t like taking the time to measure out my food as I put it on my plate. It is time consuming and a bit frustrating at times. Especially when I am cooking for four, just because I am trying to lose weight does not mean I want to make a meal for my family and a different meal for me.
Also when I go out to eat everything is two to three times more then what I am supposed to have. Everyone wants to know if you want fries with that, even when you order a salad. Taking my kids out for food now feels like a walk in a mind field of food I can’t eat. Excuses, I know. I do know that I am not alone with this. Many Canadians eat 2 to 4 times what they should in a day, calories and food portions.
Again my problem is that 6 oz just does not look like much when on a plate. Then I realized I already love a couple of different meals where 6 oz of meat does not look small. And I feel full and satisfied when I am done a bonus when you are trying to lose weight.
Stir fry – I make up the vegetables and meat. I make sure there is 6 oz of meat for each person. That way I only have to divide the meat evenly to get the right portion. Sometimes I will cook the meat separate from the vegetables. I will make two cups of rice. Each person gets about ½ a cup on the plate. I place the vegetables on the rice. If I cooked the meat separate I will usually place it on top of the vegetables. However, it looks like more when you mix the vegetables and meat together. There is a huge variety of flavors I can get out of this basic meal. It depends on the meat, sauces and even what vegetables I use. I can mix and match and have completely different meals every day. Especially if I change between rice, pasta and potatoes each time.
Wraps – I will make hot and cold wraps.
Hot ones will usually have rice, cooked vegetables and meat cooked in small pieces, or cut up into chunks or slices. This is a great way to make limited portions into a meal. I will put rice on then meat and vegetables, sometimes cheese and then roll it up like fajitas. This is a great way to have a full meal. They are easy to change up by changing the meat, vegetables and spices or sauces I use. I could have very different hot wraps almost every day of the week.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
A few weeks ago I stepped on the scale and it tells me I am 330 lbs. That is my weight wake up call.
I knew I had started to put weight on again, my clothing was tight, and some pants did not fit at all. I just did not realise how bad it was. I have been fighting my weight since I was 12 years old. I know what it is like to lose a few pounds, only to put them back on again with a few extra of course.
When I was 12 my family started telling me I was fat. They put me on strict fad diets, not healthy at all. I did them all, whatever was popular they put me on it. The cabbage soup diet is the one I remember the most. I was always hungry. They also gave me appetite suppressants, and other diet pills. They used to make me jittery and I felt sick a lot. Mind you not once did they talk to a doctor about my weight, or what I should and should not be eating. If they had the doctor would have told them they were out of their minds. It turns out I was not fat at all, I was actually right where I should have been for my age and height.
My second step dad loved taunting me with the food his kids got to have. I would have to make his kids lunches and put their treats and snacks in. Things like donuts, cookies, chocolate bars and candy. All things I was told I could not eat. They used to tease me about it. Often my Step dad would bring out desserts and treats and the family would eat them in front of me. Telling me how good it tasted, etc. For Christmas they gave me a tin of candy, which they ate of course. All I heard every day was how fat I was. Yet I actually was not. Eventually I said no more. I was still restricted to the food they gave me, but I knew one day I would be free to eat what I wanted. The problem was that I was set into a pattern of fad diets and poor self esteem.
Needless to say my step dad and his kids were jerks. One of the first things I remember him telling me was that on my 16th birthday I was to have my bags packed and to get out because at that point my Mother was no longer obligated to take care of me. I was 12 at the time. My mother is so proud of herself. The only time she stood up for me was to insist that I got to stay until I graduated high school. So at 17 I moved out, probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Though I do think I started eating all the wrong foods as a type of delayed rebellion. If it was something they would not let me eat, I ate it.
For about 8 years my weight was fine. Then I put on a few pounds and started the diet to lose weight and put it back on and more cycle. I did weight watchers and other programs, all worked as long as I actually followed them. Once I stopped the weight would come back with a few extra pounds. Eventually I hit 220 lbs. For years I sat at 220 lbs, which was good because my weight was high but stable. I had children, but my weight was right back to 220 lbs within weeks of giving birth.
I went on Depo-Provera and packed on the weight in a couple of months. I put on about 100 lbs and have been trying to lose it ever since. It turns out that birth control is a common cause for weight gain, and having a difficult time getting it off. That was 6 years ago. I have lost up to 60 lbs only to put 80 back on. I was sitting at 300 lbs for the last year. Now I am up to 330 lbs. My health is strongly affected by this, so is my ability to play with my kids and my relationship with my husband.
It does not matter anymore why I put on weight. I have to lose it, properly and permanently. I have learned all the skills I need over the years of going to weight loss programs. Now I have to start using them. This is not about being skinny or looking good. I need to lose weight to get healthy. I don’t want my children to grow up fat because of the example I showed them. They are perfect weight right now and I would never do to them what my family did to me. I also don’t want to die because I did not bother to lose weight. This is about my life, and the quality of my life. I am taking control back, because I have to or I could die way before my time.
Yes I have some really big issues with food, and eating. I have to deal with them and get on with my life. I need to make better food choices, get away from my desk and do things. Even taking a small walk everyday is better then what I have been doing.
As a form of motivation, or possibly a type of accountability, I am going to document my process and progress on Lady Talks a Lot. I hope what I am going through will help others get up and start losing weight. Also if I know everyone is going to know how I am doing I might find it a little easier to actually do what I need to.
For the last couple of weeks I have worked on cutting down how much I eat. I am still eating junk food, candy and chocolates. That I am slowly reducing. I am going to add some exercise to my daily routine, maybe even play with my kids.
When I checked the scale today I was 318 lbs. So I am down 12 lbs. Let’s see if I can lose another 2 lbs this week.