I have to thank Ellyse Murphy for writing this. She took the words right out of my heart. I could not have put this any better. Tim Bosma is not someone I knew, but my thoughts and heart go out to his family. I think we all feel for his family and connect to him because he could have been any of us.
Today I wept.
I wept for a stranger. I wept for a family. I wept for a nation. I wept for this world.
I have been anxiously checking updates daily, it’s consumed almost every conversation I’ve had and it hasn’t left my mind. Today, the update came – with great sadness. My heart fell, tears fell, I felt empty. I don’t know this man, I don’t know his family, I don’t even know somebody who knows somebody who knows him but I have a father; to grow up knowing I wouldn’t get to know my father because someone wanted a truck, would be devastating beyond words. I have a fiancé; to lose him because someone wanted a thrill, would break me in half. I have uncles, brothers and friends; to lose any one of them in this way is unimaginable. And so, I wept.
I can’t count the number of items I have sold on Kijiji. I have found many jobs and hired many people from ads on Kijiji. I have been in people’s homes, met in central locations and had people in my home. I have test driven cars and sold cars. Tim’s story is everyone’s story – we trust.
Today, I question God. We all wonder what kind of world we live in that a man could be taken this way. It’s okay to be angry with God. Your anger will make your relationship stronger. He will guide you through. Often, right before God gives us something, he puts us through hardship. For the Bosma family, this is one of the biggest hardships you’ll know. Today you will weep, tomorrow you will weep, you very well might weep every day for the rest of your life – a piece of you was killed when your husband, father, son, uncle, friend was killed. But, one day, you will find your greatest moment of strength and you will move forward for Tim, you will find a way to honour him, find a way to prevent this from happening again, find a way to make meaning; you will find your way.
To the media, I would ask that you report on Tim. Report about his life, his accomplishments, his family, his friends, the people who have prayed for him. STOP reporting on the suspects. I’m tired of turning on Google and finding stories about such a promising man in aviation, a humble man, a quiet and reserved man. I don’t want to read one more fact about him. I won’t speak for the family but I can’t imagine it helps them either. There is one question they want answered: why? This doesn’t require pages and pages of details on this man, your reporting is speculation. I don’t care if he was an aviation prodigy – today he is a monster.
To the men who took Timothy Bosma, I have this to say: You have broken a family. You have killed the dreams of a wife and a little girl. You have crushed a mother. His family mourns his loss but do not be mistaken, they are not alone. 41,855 on Facebook alone, have found a way to be there for the family – some sent prayers, some sent love, some called the tip lines, some posted flyers, some talked to everyone they knew about Tim, some were the reason you’ve been caught. People from across the globe are pouring out their love and compassion for this man and his family.
You are but two men. We won’t focus on you because we cannot. We cannot allow ourselves to be consumed with all that is wrong with the world. I saw 41,855 reasons that you don’t matter.
Let us remember – just when the caterpillar thought life was over, he became a butterfly.
Timothy Bosma – Gone but not forgotten.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
All my life I have made choices. I live with the consequences and accept that they were my choices. I am responsible for my life and my choices. I have started to come to terms with the fact that some people only see the negative. That it does not matter what I do or say it will never be enough or the right thing in their eyes. To them I am and always have been the “problem”. This is one of the reasons I chose not to have any communications with some people.
I am a good person, I like me and will not accept responsibility for other people’s views or opinions. They are not my opinions so I don’t have to make changes to make other people happy. I only need to make changes for me and my children. I am not going to let other people make me feel bad about myself or put me down because I don’t live the life they expect me to have. I am also not going to take responsibility for things outside of my control, like being laid off because the company I worked for does not have any work for me.
I have never had any problem accepting the fact that I need to work hard in life. I don’t have my hand out or expect others to “take care of me”. I don’t go around asking for things, though when help has been offered I have accepted it with gratitude and appreciation.
I know that once my daughter is a year old I will start looking for work again. I expect that it will be difficult to find a good job again, one that I love to do. I know I will probably have to take whatever job I can get to pay bills and live on, even with my college education and work ethics. Maybe one day I will have a job I love again, but probably not. The fact that I am unemployed (with lots of other people in the same boat) does not make me a bad person or mean that I don’t want a job.
I live in reality, not in a dream world of how it should be, or used to be. Once you could go to college, get a job and stay there until you wanted to leave or retired. My reality is that no job is guaranteed even if you are a great employee, or work really hard. The world my Grandparents, and my parents lived in is not the one I live in. Their expectations do not fit within the current job market where I live.
I look forward to having a full time job again that lets me pay my bills and take care of my family. I know that whatever job I get will not fit within some people’s expectations of me. I am just going to work hard at the job I do get to pay the bills and do the best at the job I will always have, that of a Mother.
My most important job is being the best Mother I can be. Part of being a good Mother, for me, is getting a job that will help me take care of my family. My identity and worth is not tied into a job, but who I am as a person and how I treat other people, especially my children.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
It started in sly comments. It quickly moved up to nasty in game messages, anonymous posting full of swear words, insults and comments like “you are this and this and should quite the game” but not in so nice words. Insert any combination of swear words, insults with thinly veiled threats and you get the idea.
The last straw was when an anonymous posting went on the guild page attacking four players, Suddenly what was just annoying and somewhat childish behaviour became a full out attack. The guild leader let the posting stay up on the guild page. This showed that she supported the cyber bulling behaviour of one guild member. Please note that the bully did not have the guts to put their name on their poison pen posting. As a result all four members decided independently that they did not want to play in a guild where they were expected to put up with someone treating them like crap.
Not one of the players being cyber bullied had done anything to earn the abuse. Two were new players, who did not have much experience. They were in the process of learning the game and building up their levels. One was a father, with a new born, who played when he could but put his family first. The fourth was in the US military serving overseas. He is fighting for his country, with all his time scheduled for him. Not to mention putting his life on the line every day. Why would any of these people want to deal with abuse every time they logged onto Star Wars the Old Republic?
Now it is one thing to have someone be nasty on Star Wars the Old Republic, you simply block them. It is something different to be cyber bullied by someone in your own guild. Especially when the cyber bully hides who they are, it taints the whole guild. You don’t know who is doing it. It is like getting nasty letters in your locker at high school, the bully wants to make their life hell but is not “man” enough to put their name on it.
Oh, and Mr. Anonymous was not so anonymous after all. The person was creating alternative characters not in the guild so they could cyber bully “anonymously”. But all four people figured out who it was when they compared notes.
The cyber bully had recently joined the guild. He was a new “friend” of the guild leader and was given extra special treatment at the expense of the other guild members. He was given an officers position right away, even though everyone else had to work their way up the guild and prove themselves. He was going after the guild members he felt threatened by.
The ex-guild members felt betrayed by their guild leader, that she would allow such abusive behaviour. None of the attacked players engage the bully. It was not worth their time. They play Star Wars the Old Republic to have fun.
The funny part is that the cyber bully did not even notice they had left the guild. He stepped up the attacks after they had already left. He started posting anonymous abusive messages in the guilds message of the day for everyone to see. He called them names, put them down and kept saying they should be kicked out of the guild.
At first the guild leader was upset that the guild members quite and asked them back. That changed within a day. Suddenly she was being abusive to them as well. Somehow they were in the wrong for taking offence to the extremely abusive attacks. She expected them to just put up with it.
Just to be safe the Father decided to log onto his 9 year old sons account and pull him out of the guild. What did he find, in retaliation for the father leaving the guild leader kicked his son out. The cyber bully sent the 9 year old a very abusive, bulling message along the same lines as what he had posted to the other guild members. It was full of swear words and was just plain nasty to say to anyone, let alone a 9 year old.
What was the point of cyber bulling a child? The kid was already kicked out of the guild. Why send a child you don’t know an abusive message? Simple, because he could. He knew his guild leader will support his cyber bullying of long standing and new guild members. Why would she have an issue with him attacking a child in the same manner? He was so confident that he did not even bother to do it anonymously! This just confirmed the suspicions about who was doing it.
Well he was right. When this was brought to the guild leader’s attention her response was, she was the one who kicked the child out of the guild and what was the problem with the messages. After all it was all just a joke. Extreme abusive cyber bullying for two weeks a joke! Right. Who is she kidding? Most people will not accept this treatment any time, so why should anyone accept it on a MMORPG.
With the number of kids killing themselves over cyber bulling she still thinks it’s ok for her new friend to do this to a child who has never done anything to anyone. I guess she is not the good person people thought she was. Who wants to be in a guild that you have to put up with abuse to play in? What gets me the most though is, how could anyone think it is ok for an adult to cyber bully a child! It is not ok for anyone to cyber bully a child.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
I keep finding postings about positive people helping out people in need. I know many of them are fakes, but still make you think and are a good read. However, I can tell a real story about unexpected help we have received in the last 6 months. It may not be as well written as the stories usually posted, but at least they are real.
Our newborn was underweight and losing weight every day. If she did not put on weight she had to go back to the hospital. We had to put her onto formula, something we had not budgeted for. She had nipple confusion and would not take the breast. I talked about it on Facebook, I was very worried about having to put her onto formula and upset that I was not doing my job as a mom and breastfeeding her. One lady in our area had a huge bag of formula that her baby was unable to eat. Her family gave us the unopened cans of formula. My daughter could eat it and put on weight. There was enough formula that it got us to when we had money again. Their kindness made a big impact on the life of my family.
With a new born Christmas was very tight, but we expected that and made plans and budgeted for it. We let our kids know that they would not be getting very much and they needed to pick one special toy they wanted for Christmas. On the day we were told we had to put our newborn on formula we used our budgeted Christmas money to buy bottles, formula and a breast pump. At the time I felt like a huge failure because I could not breast feed my baby and that took away the special toys our kids had asked for Christmas. Just before Christmas a Christmas card showed up in my mail with a prepaid credit card with $50 on it. This really helped us out. We used it to buy the toys special to our kids. It also let our kids buy a gift for each other, something they really wanted to do. A small gesture made a big impact. I don’t know how much the $50 meant to the person who gave it to us; I just know how big of a difference it made to us.
For my daughter’s birthday we told her no party this year and we would have to wait a couple of weeks to do something as a family. Our daughter understood, and I never told anyone, not even family, about the difficulty we were having. Out of the blue a few days before my daughter’s birthday a gift arrived, $50. It gave us what we needed to do what she wanted on her birthday, to eat out at a specific restaurant, and still buy groceries for the next two weeks. Again someone made a huge difference to our lives just because they wanted to. It may seem like a small thing, being able to take our daughter out on her birthday, but it was a huge thing for her. It made her feel important and loved. With a new baby in the house she needs all the reminders we can give her that she is still valued, important and loved.
I never asked for help. I don’t sit around with my hand out waiting for someone to make my life better. But I am willing to accept kindness for my children. I have no pride when it comes to my kids, if my pride has to go so my children can have what they need, so be it. They always come first.
I do see this as what goes around comes around. In the past I was able to pay it forward, or be that helping hand many times. I have been told that I can be a soft touch, and have a hard time seeing people in need. There were many times when money found its way into the hands of those in need, family, friends and strangers. Many invites for lunch or dinner were given with lots of leftovers when we knew someone was running low on food. Sometimes it was as simple as paying for the meal of the family behind us in line at a fast food place. When we had our business we would often suddenly need “staff” when people really needed some real money. They would work the weekend with us and would have the money they needed without feeling they were taking charity (and they actually did do work for us).
When we lost the business and moved into this complex we would to buy hotdogs when they went on sale, and fill our freezer with them. It was not uncommon all summer long for the kids in our neighbourhood to show up whenever we turned on the BBQ. They knew we would put on several packages of hotdogs, and they could eat. For some of the kids it was the only food they would get during the day. We knew that, and made sure they ate. Heck we even bought a deep fryer because a bag of potatoes was cheap and make a lot of French-fry’s. It is not something our family talks about, we just did it because we could. Sometimes they would show up for dinner too. Those kids don’t live here anymore, but we helped them out when they did. It was nice to be able to make a difference in someone’s life. I never expected to be on the other side, but I am grateful that I was.
Times are getting harder, more families are in need. I see requests on Freecycle for food, and formula, clothing and more all the time. It makes me sad that so many people are in need. I hope to be able to repay the unexpected gifts of money one day when things change and I am working again. Hopefully when it is need the most.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
I just found out my Mom bought a computer last year, and it is still sitting in the box. She is using one from 2002, but has a new one sitting in a box!
Ok, I understand that she is busy and does not have the time to set up the new computer. She is waiting until the home they are building is finished before they set it up. Mind you they have been building the new home for over 10 years, it might even be more then 15 years. I have no idea how much more work needs to be done, or how long it will take.
I am frustrated because I was trying to explain to her that if she has a new computer she should be using it. Also you don’t buy a computer until you are ready to use it because you can get the same one for a lot less later on, or buy a better one for the same price. She is happy to have it in its box, ready for when she wants to set it up. I keep thinking about how much she spent (did not ask) and that she could have gotten a much better deal when she was ready to actually use a new computer, not store one.
I think the problem is that she is just not that into computers the way my family is. It is not a big deal to her if the computer sits there in a box for a year. She had the money so she bought it and put it aside until she is ready to use it. Computers are not a big part of her life, she just does not use computers the way my family and I use them. My kids started trying to play on the computer around 2 ½ years old. Heck, my kids have their own computers. My mom actually bought our son a laptop when he was 8. My kids use computers every day, and so do I. It is hard for me to wrap my head around having a new computer and not using it, not even opening it to make sure it works.
The real frustrating part is that I have been after her for years to do video conferencing with us so my kids can talk to her face to face, but the computer she is using is old, and is not equipped to do video conferencing (Skype). Then I find out she has a new computer sitting in a box. I just keep thinking about the time she is losing that she could have been talking face to face with her grandchildren on Skype. I have no idea how close they are to finishing the house. I don’t even know if their new computer has what they need to do Skype. But as I finally emailed my Mom, it’s her computer so I will shut up.
I was still frustrated so I decided to write (whine) about it to get it out of my system. It helped me see that my getting frustrated about the new computer still in a box is my issue, not hers. When she is ready she will open the computer box; that is her choice. I should just mind my own business.
I am still frustrated though. I want my kids to be able to see their Grandmother and for her to see them even if it is just on Skype. I am sure she will get around to opening up her new computer, when she is ready. I just hope she can Skype with it; that she has what she needs to do video conferencing. Mind you if it was not for my husband I would have no idea how to Skype or what I would need on my computer to do so! Thank goodness my laptop came with everything I need!
Ok, I have to laugh at myself for getting upset about my Mom not setting up her computer when I have never set one up myself. That is what my husband does, builds and fixes our computers (not laptops). I am sure if I had to I could set one up, they have extremely easy step by step instructions or come fully loaded these days. Build one, nope, but turn it on and follow what it tells me to do, that I have no problem doing. Now I am laughing at myself!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
You don’t have to be a victim to be raped. It is not true that only bad people are raped. Being a good person does not keep anyone safe from predators.
You don't have to be a victim or even look like a victim to be raped. You just have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or come to the attention of the wrong person. Rapists are called predators for a reason. You don’t have to be a woman or girl to be raped or a man to be a rapist. Anyone can be raped if the rapist puts the time and effort into it. It is about power and control after all, not sex. So telling your daughter that people out there want sex with her and some are willing to take away her choice is not making her a victim. It is letting her know it is possible. How can we expect our children to protect themselves to the best of their ability if they are unaware that this can happen, or think it only happens to bad people so it will not happen to them?
Rape is a reality and a real possibility. We cannot put our heads in the sand and pretend it does not happen, or will not happen. Telling little boys and teens that is wrong to rape is no different than telling them not to steal. They need to know this, but that does not mean they will not choose to steal, or rape. People make bad choices all the time, and some people feel they are entitled to whatever they want, including sex with someone even if that person is not interested.
We need to make sure our children, male and female, know that rape is real. There is nothing wrong with doing everything we can to prepare our children to live in the real world. We need to make sure they know what they can do to try and protect themselves. We don’t want them to be hurt or die in a car accident, so we tell them to not drink and drive. So what is wrong with telling them not to take drinks from people they don’t know, don’t get so drunk you pass out or are unable to say no, or too drunk to care who they have sex with. What is wrong with telling them not to hang out or walk down a dark alley if they don’t have to, walk in well light areas and travel in groups whenever possible. It is important to avoid problems and learn to protect themselves if a problem does occur. There are things people can do to deter a rapist, so it makes sense to tell our kids. Also we need to accept that some rapists are not deterred no matter what someone does; they will find a way to do what they want. As parents we have the opportunity to give our children the knowledge and tools to have the best out of life, or we can leave them unprepared and vulnerable to people who don’t care that your child deserves the best out of life, not the worst.
We also need to state that the rapist is responsible not the victim. Being raped does not make someone a bad person, or valueless no matter what some people say. Also no one deserves to be raped.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
First I expect the kids to lie to stay out of trouble – most people do, children and adults. However, that does not mean my children get away with it. Usually they lie about little things like who left the hall light on. It is usually, “Not me”, “I don’t know” or any other answer like, “I forgot”. We tell them I don’t know or not me don’t live here and get them to turn off the light or fix whatever the issue is.
When my daughter started grade one she also started taking things from school and telling us a friend gave it to her, or it was a prize from school we quickly questioned it. We confronted her and made her tell the truth. Part of what we did was go into the school and talk with her teacher to find out the truth – in front of our daughter. She had no choice but to confess to taking things and telling lies. It was quickly and firmly dealt with. We consistently followed up to make sure she did not start stealing again.
We explained to our kids that telling us the truth is very important, and that telling a lie results in a much worse punishment then owning up and telling the truth in the first place. Also that once they lose our trust it is a very hard thing to earn back. My kids know that telling the truth is important to us, even when we don’t like the truth.
So I was quite upset when my son lied about a big thing tonight. My daughter came down stairs and told me my son had a big red bump on his head. She tends to tell on him a lot, but this time she did the right thing and I told her so. My son comes down the stairs with his bangs hiding a great big red bump. We asked what happened – I don’t remember. I don’t think so. We quickly figured out he had been injured about two hours earlier when he had been playing outside. So now came the fun part of trying to piece together what happened.
We could tell my son was reluctant to tell us what happened. Usually when he gets hurt he is the first one at the door telling us he has been hurt. I mean even bug bites he is at the door looking for sympathy and attention. We have some “bad” kids in the area who like to hurt the other kids. Our son knows that we don’t want him playing with them. We thought maybe he was playing with one of them and was injured by one of them. That he was reluctant to tell us because he knows he is not to go near those kids. Nope, he was not playing with any of them. Once we confirmed that he was not hurt by another child we concentrated on getting the real story.
The story we eventually heard was that he slipped and fell and hit his head. That it was just an accident because he was running. No way was that story the truth, not where the big bump was. I asked very specifically if he had fallen off the fence and hit his head, and he said no. However we let it go and my husband checked him over to make sure he was ok. He was made to sit on the couch with an ice pack until bed time.
I waited until he was in bed, safe. He had gotten away with it. Not likely. I had a little talk with him explaining that I knew he was lying and why. I had a very good idea of how he had hit his head but needed him to tell me. After about a half hour it all came out, exactly what I expected. He decided to climb over the fence instead of using the gate, slipped and fell head first onto a cement pad in our neighbour’s back yard. He knew he was not supposed to be climbing the fence, that’s why we have gates. So he hid the bump and did everything he could to keep us from finding out.
He was expecting a full out punishment for doing something we have been telling him for years not to do. Instead he got me explaining to him how dangerous not telling us about the head injury was. With the fences we have around the back yards he could have really hurt himself, get a concussion, or died. It took a lot but I think I got through to him that he has to always let us know when he has been injured. Even when he thinks he will be in trouble. It is way more important to be safe and healthy. Also I was very blunt about the type of injury he had and how much worse it could have been. Most importantly I let him know that by hiding it he could have made things much worse. If we had to rush him to the hospital and had no idea how he got hurt or when, how could we tell the doctors what they needed to know? I also calmly explained to him how upset I was that he lied to us. I think I got through to him because I was more concerned about getting him to understand, then punishing him for the lie. There are still going to be consequences for telling us lies, but it is far more important to me that I can trust him, and know that he understands why the truth is so important.
I am still very upset that he lied to me. Getting angry with him, or punishing him this time would backfire. Being calm and worried about how injured he was and how much worse it could have been was way more effective this time. To be blunt, I think that scared him far more than any possible punishment I could have given him. It was also very important for him to realise that he cannot get away with lying to us. We knew he lied, and figured out what happened all on our own. There is no benefit to lying to us, but there are to telling us the truth.
We just got a phone call from “Windows” telling us that there was an emergency with our Windows. That there are security issues. First they had our phone number and last name – big deal you can get that from any phone book. Second – if there was an issue with windows security how would they know to contact us? Why would they.
Next the guy would not tell us anything but that there was an emergency with our security. We don’t depend on windows security – we have our own software we use to protect our computers. Also if someone was contacting us from Windows they would know how many copies we have, what computers they are on and all the “registration and any special identifiers we have to access our computer”. This was a scam to try and gain access to our computer. They are trying to get our info to access the computer and our banking info, emails and more.
PLEASE DONT FALL FOR IT IF YOU GET A PHONE CALL. ASK YOURSELF – WHY WHOULD THEY CALL ME! HOW WOULD THEY KNOW MY NAME AND PHONE NUMBER BUT NOT MY WINDOWS REGISTRATION INFO? If you did not register your windows program – then they would not have your name or phone number. Also if they were from Windows the phone number would not be “unavailable”. The person would identify who they are, their job title and why they were calling – not that they were from Windows and that there is an emergency.
Also if on the odd chance that Windows did actually call someone they would tell the person to go to the Windows web site (not a web site they will give you the URL for – you don’t want to open an unknown website from an unknown person trying to convince you to give our your information or download a program).
We got a second call today – same people. Only this time there was a technical error or issue with Windows. They could not tell us what the error was and hung up on us when we told them to tell us what exact error they were calling about. We reported the calls to the local police. They are getting quite a few calls regarding this.
As per the local Hamilton police – The callers are currently identifying themselves as calling from Windows or Microsoft, though they may change that at any time and claim to be calling from any company. Do not give the callers any personal information, information about your computer or programs on the computer, and do not give them any money or information about your credit cards or bank accounts. It is a complete scam to get people to pay them money to fix a non-existing issue. Also they are trying to get peoples information to get into their computers, bank accounts and identity theft. So do not give any information to these people. If they don’t know your information – they are fake and just trying to get it from you.
Also these scam artists are hitting a lot of people. If you can get info from them such as a name, phone number or way to find them great – make sure you let the police know any info you get. However, they tend to hang up the phone instead of providing any information, not even a name. If you have given them any information about yourself, your computer software or credit cards you need to report right away. As a rule do not ever give out your information in any shape or form (name, birth date, SIN, bank information, credit cards, or programs on your computer) unless you know exactly who you are giving it to and what it is being used for – and never to someone who calls you or emails you. Some people have been sent forms to fill in and mail back asking for personal, banking and other information. Don’t fill them in because you don’t actually know who is getting them. It is just another form of this scam and other scams.
Be smart! Be Safe!
Monday, October 29, 2012
We have been looking around and seeing some scary photos. Many of them are fake or have nothing to do with Sandy. Here are a couple of ones we have found. If you know of anymore fake photos please let me know and I will add them so people are not being tricked. Some of them are very good photo shop work, others just not actual pictures of Sandy but other storms or events.
Sharks are not being seen in New York or other areas - at least not real ones. Nice job on this picture though.
Sharks are not being seen in New York or other areas - at least not real ones. Nice job on this picture though.
I beleive this one to be fake as well but I am not a 100% sure.
A photoshop job of the Statue of Liberty and a supercell thunderstorm from 2004 taken by photographer Mike Hollingshead.
This may be a 2003 tropical cyclone in Australia, not Sandy in the USA.
This is from the movie Perfect Storm.
This is supposed to have been faked as well.
Not sure who made, but it is a fake being shown all over the internet.
This is a picture of Hurricane Ike not Sandy. Still scary just not Sandy.
This is part of a video called "Flooded McDonald's" once part of an art installation by the Danish Group Superflex
This photo was taken during a storm in September 2012, in front of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. That does not take way from the fact that these soldiers are out there rain or shine, it just was not taken when the Frankenstorm hit. Respect!
This was a Wall Street Journal post from 2011, not Sandy 2012
Not sure who did this but it is a twitter joke, not a real picture.
There are some that are just funny as all heck. You can tell they are fake, but that is ok - they are supposed to be funny.
As funny as this one is, it may be real! And that is scary that this is what people stocked up on first!
See live photos of Hurricane Sandy - Click view from above for the latest picture from the Times building in New York. Beautiful and scary at the same time.