All my life I have made choices. I live with the consequences and accept that they were my choices. I am responsible for my life and my choices. I have started to come to terms with the fact that some people only see the negative. That it does not matter what I do or say it will never be enough or the right thing in their eyes. To them I am and always have been the “problem”. This is one of the reasons I chose not to have any communications with some people.
I am a good person, I like me and will not accept responsibility for other people’s views or opinions. They are not my opinions so I don’t have to make changes to make other people happy. I only need to make changes for me and my children. I am not going to let other people make me feel bad about myself or put me down because I don’t live the life they expect me to have. I am also not going to take responsibility for things outside of my control, like being laid off because the company I worked for does not have any work for me.
I have never had any problem accepting the fact that I need to work hard in life. I don’t have my hand out or expect others to “take care of me”. I don’t go around asking for things, though when help has been offered I have accepted it with gratitude and appreciation.
I know that once my daughter is a year old I will start looking for work again. I expect that it will be difficult to find a good job again, one that I love to do. I know I will probably have to take whatever job I can get to pay bills and live on, even with my college education and work ethics. Maybe one day I will have a job I love again, but probably not. The fact that I am unemployed (with lots of other people in the same boat) does not make me a bad person or mean that I don’t want a job.
I live in reality, not in a dream world of how it should be, or used to be. Once you could go to college, get a job and stay there until you wanted to leave or retired. My reality is that no job is guaranteed even if you are a great employee, or work really hard. The world my Grandparents, and my parents lived in is not the one I live in. Their expectations do not fit within the current job market where I live.
I look forward to having a full time job again that lets me pay my bills and take care of my family. I know that whatever job I get will not fit within some people’s expectations of me. I am just going to work hard at the job I do get to pay the bills and do the best at the job I will always have, that of a Mother.
My most important job is being the best Mother I can be. Part of being a good Mother, for me, is getting a job that will help me take care of my family. My identity and worth is not tied into a job, but who I am as a person and how I treat other people, especially my children.