Saturday, February 23, 2013

Tell Your Teen Girls Rape Happens

You don’t have to be a victim to be raped.  It is not true that only bad people are raped.  Being a good person does not keep anyone safe from predators.

A few years ago I wrote an article on Tips on talking to your teen girl about sex.  In the article I pointed out the need to tell young ladies, or teen girls that men and teen boys want to have sex with them.  Some will say and do whatever will get her to agree to have sex with them.  Some will use alcohol and drugs to lower her inhibitions to get her to be more willing to have sex with them.  There are also people who will simply rape them, with or without the use of drugs.  It is reality.  One person commented: “I think we should spend more time teaching our sons not to rape as opposed to teaching our daughters that they are victims.”

You don't have to be a victim or even look like a victim to be raped.  You just have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or come to the attention of the wrong person.  Rapists are called predators for a reason.  You don’t have to be a woman or girl to be raped or a man to be a rapist.  Anyone can be raped if the rapist puts the time and effort into it.  It is about power and control after all, not sex.  So telling your daughter that people out there want sex with her and some are willing to take away her choice is not making her a victim.  It is letting her know it is possible.  How can we expect our children to protect themselves to the best of their ability if they are unaware that this can happen, or think it only happens to bad people so it will not happen to them?

Rape is a reality and a real possibility.  We cannot put our heads in the sand and pretend it does not happen, or will not happen.  Telling little boys and teens that is wrong to rape is no different than telling them not to steal.   They need to know this, but that does not mean they will not choose to steal, or rape.  People make bad choices all the time, and some people feel they are entitled to whatever they want, including sex with someone even if that person is not interested. 

We need to make sure our children, male and female, know that rape is real.  There is nothing wrong with doing everything we can to prepare our children to live in the real world.  We need to make sure they know what they can do to try and protect themselves.  We don’t want them to be hurt or die in a car accident, so we tell them to not drink and drive.  So what is wrong with telling them not to take drinks from people they don’t know, don’t get so drunk you pass out or are unable to say no, or too drunk to care who they have sex with.  What is wrong with telling them not to hang out or walk down a dark alley if they don’t have to, walk in well light areas and travel in groups whenever possible.  It is important to avoid problems and learn to protect themselves if a problem does occur.  There are things people can do to deter a rapist, so it makes sense to tell our kids.  Also we need to accept that some rapists are not deterred no matter what someone does; they will find a way to do what they want.   As parents we have the opportunity to give our children the knowledge and tools to have the best out of life, or we can leave them unprepared and vulnerable to people who don’t care that your child deserves the best out of life, not the worst.

We also need to state that the rapist is responsible not the victim.  Being raped does not make someone a bad person, or valueless no matter what some people say.  Also no one deserves to be raped.