Christmas Does not have to be expensive #1

My kids love to make things and money is tight this Christmas so instead of spending money on fancy ornaments this year we are buying the less expensive plastic and foam ornaments and having fun making them fancy. Please note that my kids a 3 and 5 so their idea of fancy is not the same as most people, but I can live with that.

One of the first things we did was buy some plastic balls and stickers at the dollar store. We were able to find stickers for all the big name cartoons our kids love, and by putting them on the balls we now have Dora, My little Pony, robot, whinny the pooh and more ornaments for way less then a $1.00 each, and on top of that my kids feel pried because they made those ornaments.

We also bought glitter glue from the dollar store and Wal-mart and used it on the ornaments. It is a good way to go from nice to wow in a kids eyes; let them add sparkles to it. Lets just say I am much happier with the glitter glue instead of glitter and glue. It is harder to put the glue on and then put glitter on with a 3 and 5 year old. You end up with glitter and glue all over everything. With the glitter glue there is much less of a mess, and you don’t have glitter permanently in all your things, and you. Lose glitter has got to be one of the hardest things to clean up.

Over all we had fun, some unusual ornaments made with the memories of making them that we will think of every year we put them up on the tree. I don’t care if some of them are downright odd looking, my kids made that. Also, they make good Christmas gifts, handcrafted ornaments to Grandma.

5 Unusual Fathers Day gift ideas

A card or a tie seems to be the only traditional Fathers Day gifts. There is no safe fall back gift if you have no idea what to get your dad. Sometimes it can be hard to find the right gift or find the one that shows how you feel. Other times it is just nice to find something that is unusual and fun to give. Here are some unusual Fathers Day gifts for dads of all ages.

Please note that I am listing the website that I found them on and the price listed on it. I am in no way connected to these websites and I am sure these items can be found in retail stores or other online shops.

Survival Kit in a Sardine Can. This is great for the guys who like to camping, fishing, hunting, hiking, or long road trips. It made me think of my Step Dad who works in the woods as a forest ranger, but I think other people will like it just because it is so odd but useful. It is an actual sardine can filled with 25 survival items: non-aspirin pain reliever, adhesive bandage, alcohol prep pad, antibiotic ointment, book of matches, compass, chewing gum, sugar, salt, energy nugget, duct tape, fire starter cube, first aid instructions, fish hook & line, note paper, pencil, razor blade, safety pin, reflective signal surface, tea bag, waterproof bag, whistle, and wire clip. I found this at http://www.thinkgeek.com/ for $12.99.

USB Memory Watch. This is for the guy who has to be connected all the time, or just likes spy gadgets. It is a watch that can be used to store 2 GB or 4 GB of data. I like this because it can be useful, you don’t need to carry around a disk or something, just upload info, MP3 files, pictures, or whatever into your watch. There is less chance of forgetting it or loosing it, which I tend to do. On top of that it actually is a nice looking watch. For an external data storage and watch the price was pretty good. I found this at http://www.thinkgeek.com/ for $34.99 and $54.99.

Working Wood Siege Tower. This is for those guys who love castles, knights, and siege weapons. This is a little siege tower is a 1/18th scale replica of a 13th century war engine. It actually shoots a clay ball over 10 feet. It is a kit so it has to be made, but that is half the fun. I actually know quite a few men who would love to spend an afternoon building siege towers and then using them to battle each other, or at lest see who’s is the best or shoots the furthest. I know they built catapults out of Popsicle sticks and spent the afternoon trying to be the one to hit the most targets in a cardboard castle. I have a list of people for this one, even if it was designed for age 9 and up. The kit comes with rolling wheels; lowering drawbridge and firing catapult and includes some modeling clay for projectiles. Requires scissors and white glue. I found this at http://www.x-tremegeek.com/ for $39.95. I can think of the trouble I would get into with this on my desk. Just picture it, low cubical walls all around, “Where did that come from!” would be the cry.

Stainless Steel Wallet. I know that wallets are not that unusual, but this one is. It has the texture of silk but is actually woven from micro fibers of stainless steel. It makes me think of the duct tape wallet that was so popular a few years ago. I found this at http://www.thinkgeek.com/ for $79.99.

USB Rocket Launcher. My husband has this one on top of his wish list for Fathers Day gifts. He loves it because you operate it using your computer. I think this is the gift our 5 year old is going to give him. I will never get the two of them off the computer with this. They will play with this for hours and never get tired. Though I did see one with a web camera that lets you see what you are aiming at. It is the USB Webcam Rocket Launcher will shoot up to 15 feet. If two people have them then they can take over each other’s remotely and fire on each other. Sound like a lot of fun. I found both of these on http://www.thinkgeek.com/ for $29.99 and $59.99.

Tips on talking to your teen boy about sex

As parents we need to have the sex talk with our children, both boys and girls as early as possible. This way they will hopefully have a good idea of what sex is, what is ok and not ok, and the consequences like pregnancy, Aids and other STD’s. We cannot stop our teens from wanting sex, or even having sex. All we can do is try to make sure they make the best possible informed decisions.

Time goes by so quickly. We meant to have that all important sex talk but the time never seemed right. All of a sudden our little boy is a teen boy and we have to find some way to talk to him about sex. There are a lot of ways to open up a conversation about sex with teen boys. Here are some tips on talking to your teen boy about sex.

The first hair shows up, the typical sign of the onset of puberty. This is a great time to talk about hormones and body changes. This can lead right into the sex talk. “Now that you are becoming a man you are going to want to have sex so it is time we talked about it.” “You are a man now, you are going to have some questions about sex. Now is a good time to talk with you about it.” Talk about what his “parts” do and what they are for. The how and why people have sex as well as the consequences of having sex. Such as pregnancy and STD’s.

There is always some good looking girl or woman on TV, in movies, and video games. Ask your teen boy if he finds her attractive. Then ask what he finds attractive in girls or women. What “feelings” he has and what he would like to do, like hug her or kiss her. This opens up what sex is, what the feelings are and what is and is not ok, how you treat a lady, i.e. no means no.

There are always talk shows on teen sex and the consequences and even on how to talk with your teen about sex. Montel Williams and Dr. Phil usually have at least a few every year. Watch them with your teen boy. Talk about the topic of the show. Use the questions the show opens up.
Teen boys get erections all the time. You can open the conversation by talking about how best to hid them in public; what types of pants to wear and other strategies to avoid embarrassment in public. This is a great way to find out what else your teen boy may have questions about.

Teen boys also start having ejaculations in their sleep, wet dream. This is a great opening to talk about what an ejaculation is and then talk about sex. This is a good time to talk about the issue of having unintentional ejaculation when reacting to stimuli’s, i.e. a pretty girl is talking to you. This can be very embarrassing and teen boys need an idea of what to do when it happens, or a strategy to avoid it from happening.

Buy a box of condoms and use a cucumber to demonstrate how to properly use condoms. This lets you talk about sex, safe sex, STD’s, contraception and hopefully find out what sex myths you son might believe. Myths like clingwrap around the penise works just as well as a condom. This also opens the door to questions like, “What do the different condoms do”, “What condom do girls like best”, “How do you know when to make the first move”

It is not important the way you open the conversation, as long as you have the conversation and give real honest answers. Find out what your son already knows or thinks he knows. If you don’t know what misinformation your son has you cannot let him know the truth. You need to talk about sex, how good it feels, when is the right time, how to control the urge, how to react when a girl says “no”, and how to have control over your body not the other way around. Think about all the things you wish you had known about sex at his age and talk with him about it.

Security blanket: Key to baby sleeping all night?

No a security blanket can aid a baby sleeping all night but it is not what will get your baby to sleep. There are several things that you need to help your baby develop good sleeping habits, consistency and routines. The most important thing you need is consistency. This is very important, being consistent allows a child to anticipate or know what is going to happen next. This reduces anxiety and stress and will increases the feeling of safety in the child.

So what do you need to keep consistent? Bed time and bed time routines. Do the same things at the same time in the same order every night. If you do that then the child knows what is coming next and knows what is expected from them. So you may have bath, toothbrush, bed clothing, story, sleep time. You may also want to see who is training whom. If your child wakes up a half hour after you put them to bed every night, and you pick them up and rock them for 10 minutes, guess what, it is part of their bedtime routine. It is just not part of the bedtime routine you made.

It is much harder to break bad bedtime routines then it is to establish good ones in the first place. That means every one involved has to be on the same page, all care givers. If you have a routine and some one is not fallowing it this can cause problems. Every one needs to know what the routine is and do it. It is work to establish the routine, and then remain consistent. As a new parent you will find you have to give up a lot of “your” time to get the routine working. You give up TV shows, couple time, and just about any thing you can think up. It is worth putting the time into establishing a routine and being consistent with it. It is much harder to have to break the bad bedtime habits so do the hard work now so you can have peace latter. Please note that as your child gets older the routine will need to have some changes but your and your child will work that out when the time comes.

The security blanket is just part of the routine. It also can make transitions easer. It is just a tool though, not the solution. Can they help yes, but only as long as you have a set routine and are consistent with it. There are a lot of things that can be added to a bedtime routine that can help your child go to sleep. Warm milk before brushing teeth, warm bath with lavender, soft music playing on the radio, a foot rub, or a nightlight can all help. Each child is different so you will have to find out what works with yours. Just do not expect a special toy or blanket to suddenly make bedtime easer or no longer stressful.

Here are a few tricks I learned;
1) Have the child or children turn the TV or video game off and keep it off during the bedtime routine.
2) Have the child clean up their toys and put them to bed (away), it makes it easer for them to stop playing and get ready for bed. It is a way to help with the transition.
3) Give a non-sugary snack just before toothbrush; this gets rid of the “I am hungry” at bedtime. If they still say that you can say – “No you are not, you just had a snack” and not feel guilty for putting your kid to bed hungry.
4) Have a cup of water with a lid on it already by the bed. Thirsty, fine have a drink.
5) Read a book with your child or children at bedtime, this will usually give them some Mom/Dad time and let them calm down for bed.
6) Have a little light or nightlight so they are not afraid of the dark.
7) Do a monster check with your child before they get into their bed.
8) Let them know were you will be, such as in the living room, so they are reassured that you will be around if they need you. It is a small thing, but it helps.
9) The hardest thing to do is to let them cry. As long as they are not hurt, or sick, or need to go to the bathroom, let them cry. Reassure them that you are in the home; don’t yell at them as that always makes it worse.

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Starting the big sex talk dialog when your kid is a three year old

Now talking about sex to your three year old is not going to be the same as if she/he was eight, thirteen, or eighteen. But it is a good place to start and get some things out of the way. It makes it easer to have the bigger talks when they are older. It lets both of you become comfortable with the idea of talking about it and actually having the conversation. The other part is that three year olds need to know some things.

It is a sad thing to say, but for some people a three year old is a sex object and they will prey on them. It is good to let your children know what is ok to touch or have touched as soon as possible. It is also important that children know the real names of their parts so that if some one does touch them then they can say, “So and So put his hand on my vagina”, instead of “he rubbed my kitty.” This is one of the biggest problems police have is that kids use slang words that their parents taught them to use. The police don’t know if the kid means that some one actually touched their penis or vagina or did they touch the kids pet cat, or bird.

So how do you start a conversation about sex with a three year old, and what do you talk to them about?

1) When potty training use the correct term for their bits, penis or vagina. I tend to use the word bum though, not anise. I started when I was changing their diapers, I would tell them I was cleaning their bum, or that is your penis or vagina. It is a very simple thing to do, and to be blunt what is the point of using some made up name or word; it is just going to confuse the kids latter on. It is funny because my three year old keeps saying it is her penis, and I have to keep reminding her that she has a vagina because she is a girl and that boys have a penis.

2) It is also easy to use potty time to mention that their bum and penis or vagina is their private area. This makes it easer for you to let them know that you have private areas as well and that your child needs to tell you if some one is touching your child on their private areas, or asking your child to look at or touch their private areas. Rule of thumb is that if your underwear covers it then it is a private area.

I have asked my three year old and four year old about if anyone has touched them. I was told that the daycare person was cleaning that area when my three year old went in the diaper or potty. She told me, she understood the concept of someone touching that area was something I needed to know. Now I completely expected that answer and have no concerns about the daycare workers as long as that is what her answer is. My 4 year old is expected to clean himself at daycare so if he told me someone was touching him on his private areas then we have a problem.

Today when he used the potty, I asked him for the first time if anyone has asked him to touch his or her private parts. He said no, and we talked about how he should say “No”. He is the one that came up with “No thank you, that’s yucky” and now he knows to tell me about it. It will take some time to get it to the point were he knows to tell everyone who will listen that “so and so” tried to get him to touch their private parts or tried to touch his. But the conversation has already started.

3) Bath time is also a great time to make sure you talk to your kids about what are the names of their parts and what are private parts. This is really great as you get them to wash. We have a story where our kids wash their toes and up to their heads. We go over each body part, and the kids wash. We always leave the private parts last, partly because it helps teach kids not to wash their bum and then their face, but to wash their bum last. It also re-enforces the names of their parts and what is ok and not ok. Like it is ok for them to wash them, but someone else should not be touching them.

4) Today in a public bathroom my daughter noticed a dispenser for pads and tampons. She asked what it was. I told her that it was a dispenser for pads and tampons that women use when on their periods. That was good enough for her, she was happy with that answer. I was happy that she asked and I was able to mention to her for the first time about pads, tampons and period. I know that over the years more opportunities will come and I will use them every chance I get. Especially if my kids open the conversation.

By talking with them now I am creating the groundwork for some real conversations latter on. If I don’t get them comfortable about talking to me now, why should they feel comfortable about talking to me about this type of stuff latter. The same goes for me, if I cannot become comfortable about talking to them about something as simple as what their body parts are called, how can I ever have a real talk about sex and every thing that comes with it with them.

I have to admit that part of the “this is a private part/area” conversation came about because my then two year old started hitting me on my breast and hit her dad in the “jewels” so we started using “no touch that is my private area” in self-defence. She still got a time out for hitting, but she also learned that there are some parts on Mom and Dad that she cannot just reach out and grab or hit. That is just as important for kids to know that as it is for them to know others should not be touching them in the same areas.

Your teen wants to be a in the fashion industry, now what.

To a teenager the fashion industry looks like it is fun and glamorous to work in, with the chance to rub elbows with stars or even become famous. If your teen enjoys fashion and would like a career in the industry there are lot of options for them to look at. The best thing to do is take a real look at the fashion industry and the careers in it. A lot of teens dream of being a clothing designer because they know how to sew and they love to make changes to clothing, or they just have great fashion sense. The problem with that is very few people have the talent, education and luck to become top of the line designers, or to have a successful clothing line; fashion is a business like any other business.

You teenager should understand that there are a lot more careers within the fashion industry then designer. There seems to be three main areas with in the fashion industry, designing, marketing, or buyer. Each one has a completely different set of skill sets, and education requirements. So your teenager can make fashion by creating the clothing, or tell everyone what is fashionable with marketing or decide what is going to be available in the stores as a buyer. All of this requires someone in touch with current trends and great fashion understanding.

Once your teen has a realistic view of the fashion industry and an idea of what they want to do then your going to look at different schools. Find out what they offer, what is the schools reputation with in the industry, and what is the success rate is for job placement, what schools work with your budget and what are the requirements your teen has to meet to be able to go to the school. You may want to look at location of the school. New York is the US centre for fashion so it makes sense that most of the best opportunities within the fashion industry would be in New York. Under the same logic some New York fashion schools would have an advantage over ones not located in New York. The contacts and opportunities alone could make a difference.

A fashion school in New York may have some advantages because of its location. It is just one of those things you need to look at when you are checking out what options your teenager has and what is actually going to be important to their career. No matter what career a person picks what school they go to can have a big impact on how well they do. You need to find the best one for your teen that fits your budget. Having the right fit can make the difference of successfully completing school or dropping out. It is just as important to put the time into finding the right educational path for an individual going into fashion as it is for someone going into law, science, acting, or anything actually. When it comes to fashion schools New York comes to mind, but there are local schools that may meet your teenager’s needs just as well, or better. It is all about doing your research about what your teen will need for success and what schools will give that to your teen.

Signs your spouse is involved in an online affair

The problem with on-line affairs is that most people involved in them don’t think of them as affairs. It’s not like they are “cheating” for real. So some people who would never even dream of having an affair find themselves having an online affair. They can be who they want to be, and “do” what ever they want to with out any real risk or consequences. It is not like they are meeting the person at a hotel room or something. There is no real contact so it does not hurt anyone.

They completely miss the fact that it involves their emotions and time. Emotions and time they should be investing into their spouse. In some cases it goes to the next level and becomes a real affair, one that is physical not just emotional. Whether it is just an on-line or an actual physical affair it is still disruptive and harmful to existing relationships. Online affairs account for a growing number of divorce cases and it is the most frequently treated problem at the Centre for Online Addiction, http://www.netaddiction.com/.

The number of online affairs or Internet romances grows every day. It is so big there is even an Online Affairs Support Centre, http://onlineaffairs.tripod.com/, an anonymous support centre for individuals who want to discuss and support others in understanding the "online affair" or "internet romance". It is open to people whose spouse or partner had or is having an online affair, or those who have been hurt by their online friend. As well as people currently or are considering having an Internet romance.

How do you know if your spouse is having an online affair? Your gut instinct is a very good sign. If you think some thing is going on, chances are you are right. However you don’t want to just go on your instinct, you may want to read The more you know, http://www.themoreyouknowpi.com/. There are signs your spouse is involved in an online affair. Here are some signs to keep an eye out for.

Changes in behaviour:

Not sharing or talking to you about their day, or what they are doing on the computer.

Go from telling you about who they met and what they talked about online to not talking about what they do on the computer or just one person as if they stopped talking with them. Early on, before they learn how to hide their tracks, you may find some unusual or inappropriate emails or messages from some one that your spouse just brushes off as a joke or that it was sent to the wrong person.

Wanting to have privacy when they use the computer. Changing the page they are on, turning off the screen/closing laptop up when you come close to the computer. Start taking their laptop with them so you have no access to it.

Spending more time on the computer then with you, or always on the computer whenever you are not around. They check their emails several times a day, when you are not by the computer, delete emails and then dump the garbage/deleted emails so you cannot read them.

Wanting to be intimate with you every time they get off the computer, possibly wanting to try different things. Calling you a new nickname or term of endearment when being intimate with you. Or the very opposite, they no longer seem to want or need intimacy with you, physical or emotional.

Suddenly start using IM (instant messaging)

Changes in computer use:

They have changed the passwords on the computer. There are areas you just cannot get into any more. Possibly have set up as a second user on the computer, a second hard drive or the hard drive is partitioned and you don’t have access to what is on it. Opening an email account that you do not know of, or they don’t want you to look at or they will not give you access to.

There is a live chat (IM) program that was not there before or one that you cannot get access to, or some one uses the program you already have but asks for some one you don’t know. They seem to always be in a chat room “just talking”.

Suddenly there is a web cam, better imaging software, more RAM so it processes faster, and new software to automatically clear all Internet history after chat sessions.

The truth is that you will notice a change in your partner be it a big or small change. They are going to be the same type of changes if they are having an affair in person, or online. You will start questioning what is going on, they will be on the defensive and possibly have an argument about it. They will try to make you think that they are not doing anything wrong and that you have a problem not them. Unfortunately the only way to know for sure is to get them to tell you, not likely to happen. Or you need to catch them.

It is a little easer to catch them on the computer because you can use spy ware programs like Keylogger software that lets you see every keystroke, what is being said and to who. This will give you the proof you are looking for. These days there are all types of spy ware programs available because unfortunately they are needed in business and personal lives. There are companies that will install a spy ware program so your partner is unable to detect it and remove it. The only problem with this is if your partner is using a laptop from work, they get checked all the time and it could cause a big problem if there is a spy ware program on it. Also you have no way of finding out what they are doing on their computer at work.

If you don’t have a laptop you can also install a video camera in such a place as to see the screen. This is not as safe as a spy ware program as it can be found with a physical search. At the same time there are some very cool hidden cameras available these days. This way you can see what they are doing, sometimes at the same time as they are doing it. If you have to go so far as to spy on your partner then there is a real trust issue and you need to take a look at how happy you are in the relationship even if they are not cheating. Though the sad part is, if you think your partner is having an online affair the chances are you are right.

How to keep your teen boy safe when he parties

The best way to keep your teen boy safe when he parties is to have the parties in your home. That way you know where he is, whom he is hanging out with, and what he is doing. It can be stressful having a bunch of teens in your home all the time, making a mess and eating all your food. Is it more stressful then worrying about what your teen boy is up to when he is not in your home? The reality of your home being the party house is slim to none. Teens will go to the home with the least supervision, no adults there, or adults that don’t care.

These days you don’t have much control over your teen boy. Sure you can GPS them, make them check in every hour, drug test them, control most of the money they have unless they have a job, and in some ways control who they hang out with, when and where. But only your son can control his actions and decisions. The best protection for your son when he is outside of your control is for him to be well informed about his options and the consequences of his actions. This means making sure he is well informed about the realities and consequences of sex, drugs, alcohol, crime and violence.

Do not just have the “don’t do drugs, drink, have sex or break the law” conversation. You need to show your teen boy what drugs and alcohol will do to him and his friends. What the real affect drugs and alcohol have on them. How it changes what they think and do, how “dumb” they become under the influence. How over time it changes your physical appearance from young and healthy to sickly and ugly. How it can kill him and his friends in many ways from overdose to being around the wrong people and being killed for the drugs or money. Find a way to show them what detox is actually like. Let them know all the realities about drug and alcohol use, not some Disney version of it.

Sex, well they are going to want to do it. You son needs to know what can happen when he has sex. This includes pregnancy and STD’s. He also needs a clear idea of what is OK and not OK, the “if a person says no it means no” conversation. It is not OK to have sex with a person just because they are too drunk to say no. Keep him safe from misunderstandings and mixed messages. These are things you can talk with him about and help him understand the complexity of having sex with some one. Most people don’t think of it as just sex, so there are the relationship issues to deal with.

Most problems come about because teen boys will do some very stupid things to impress a girl so he can have sex with her. This can lead to fights, and criminal activity like drag racing or theft so he can have the money and clothing to impress her. This is going to be harder to deal with, as you probably have no idea it is going on. Again you have to give them as much information about what is right and wrong and the consequences and then trust them enough to let them make their own mistakes.

How to gracefully end a bad blind date

There is nothing more fun or fearful then jumping into a blind date hoping to find Mr. or Mrs. right. You get to meet someone new and hopefully have a fun night out. At best you find that you like the person, and have an enjoyable time. If you are not a good fit then at least you get out of the house for a while, maybe you will end up with a new friend and have a nice time anyway. At worst you end up with a reject from "Who wants to marry a millionaire", or an escapee from the local psychiatric hospital and spend all your time trying to gracefully get away.

You want to gracefully end a bad blind date because chances are that they are a friend of a friend and as much as you don’t like them you are probably going to run into them again. You don’t want to be rude to your friend’s friend as it makes you look bad. If the person is a nut job you don’t want to give them a reason to be angry with you, or want revenge for some slight. Also it is always better to use common courtesy with every one you deal with, even if they made your evening Hell. Why because you never know when they are going to show up in your life again. You meet someone you really like, and then one of their friends or co-worker tells them about the date they had with you. Or they end up being a co-worker, or your boss.

First: When you set up the blind date, don’t try and go for the full date, dinner, movies or a show and clubbing. Instead make a mini date, with a preset time limit that is acceptable to both of you. You can try a lunch date, or just meet for drinks, be it coffee or something else, or even a dinner only date. It is much easer to change your plans and extend the date or make a second date if you like each other then it is to spend the evening with someone you would like to shot put into the next time zone.

Second: Make sure you meet at the place you are having the date so that you are not giving or getting a ride from your blind date. You don’t want to have to spend that extra time driving home with some one you don’t like; it was bad enough being on a date with them in public. Who wants to be stuck in a car for who knows how long with someone you just want to run away from. It is much easer to make a graceful getaway to leave for your car at a restaurant or coffee shop then it is at your front door. People tend to have expectations of a kiss or more at the front door, avoid being in that situation with someone you think is about as much fun as eating sand.

Third: When the date is over then you say, “It was nice to meet you, good by.” If they don’t take the hint and what to keep talking or what ever you tell them that because the date was just for lunch, coffee, or dinner that you made plans with your family that you just cannot change. This is a very good way to leave gracefully and not hurt any ones feelings. Just do not tell them you will call them or would like to spend time with them. If they do try to arrange for another date, or keep pushing for a phone call then tell them that you are just not interested in another date as you are not interested in the same things as they are, but would be happy to hang out with them with your mutual friends. Give them the idea that friendship would work, just not dating. This way if you are stuck in a social situation with them in the future it is easer to be polite with each other.

Fourth: Make sure that you have a friend or friends at the place of the date and if things get real bad you have a set signal that brings them over to join you. This is a good way to end the date. Suddenly you are not on a date anymore but a group of people hanging out. At some point you can tell them it was nice meeting them and that you hope they have a good night but that you have to go. This works great when you have a set time for the date because your other plans showed up. If your date wants to join you at least your friends can act as a buffer. If every one is lucky your date and one of your friends will hit it off. They end up happy; you get to be the one that got away.

Fifth: What ever you do, do not have sex with them just because the opportunity was there, you are lonely or you felt sorry for them. It is not worth it. That never ends well. Suddenly you are in a relationship, or have a very pissed off person gunning for you, or a stalker who thinks you are in love because you had sex with them.

Rule of thumb is to always treat people with common courtesy, and respect even when spending time with them feels like an eternity of listening to nails on a chalkboard. Make sure you don’t place yourself into a situation that is hard to get out of, be it a physical location, or an emotional one. If the date is not working, end it as fast as possible, but be polite about it.

Questions to ask on a first date

Neutral open-ended questions are the key. Never ask: “what do you do for a living, how much money do you make, religion or politics views, for or against having kids?” There are ways to find out if you are compatible enough for a second date. If you are then you have the time on later dates to find out if there are any deal breakers. The first date is not the place to do that. The idea is to find out if you like each other enough to want to get to know each other more, not find out every thing there is to know about each other. Here are some things to ask:



What would you do if you won the lottery? This can open up a conversation. How they answer the question can tell you a lot about a person, their values, their personality and what some of their likes and dislikes are. It can help show you how compatible you are in some areas.

What is your favourite entertainment? Not what TV shows they like or the best movie they have seen. That is too limited of a question. By asking what favourite entertainment you may find out if they like to go out or stay home. Are they a doer or a watcher? Do they go to concerts, plays, a jazz bar, play poker, race cars, do paint ball, stay home and watch CSI, or any number of things.



What was your favourite cartoon as a kid? This gives you a common neutral ground to start a conversation. It can also lead naturally to other things you both may like and dislike.



How are you enjoying the meal, cup of coffee? It can be what ever you are doing together. Then ask if they like any other restaurants, or coffee shops. This helps you find out what they like and can lead to an opportunity for a second date. I.E. “Well maybe we can go there the next time” or “Lets try that place next.” It is an easy way to get an idea if they are interested in seeing you again and lets them know you are. No second-guessing about how the date is going.

How to try and raise a drug-free teen

As parents we need to explain to our children, and teens, as early as possible the difference between drugs and medicine. People use the words drug and medicine to mean the same thing. Yes drugs can be medicine, but when we are teaching our children and teens about drugs we have to show that there is a big difference. Teenagers have grown up in a world where a pill can make your pain go away, fix what ever your problems are. It is easy to understand why teenagers will look to drugs to fix things. They need to understand that medicine is some thing a Dr. prescribes to make specific medical and health problems better. Drugs are sold or given by people who want you to get high, become addicted, and then give them money to get more drugs. That is just the start.

I grew up in a home full of drugs and alcohol. I can tell you it made me a drug free teenager. I could see what drugs and alcohol did to people. Why would I ever let myself become one of them? People with no thought or ambition but to make sure they got their next fix or drink. There may not have been money for food or clothing for me, a child but by God there was money for drugs and booze. Usually a child raised in this type of environment is more susceptible to drug and alcohol abuse. I was the acceptation to the rule.

You don’t want your teen to do drugs, show them the real life of a drug addict before they become one. Show them the people living on the streets, selling themselves and even their children for drugs. Show them people who are dieing and still looking for the next hit. The open soars, burns and shrivelled bodies of people who care more about feeding their drug habit instead of their bodies. The hair and teeth falling out as bodies shut down.

Explain the brutal truth about what drugs do to people. Sure they may make you feel as if all your problems are gone, or far away but that only lasts for as long as the drug dose does. Show them people on drugs so they know how people act, there are films and TV shows out there you can use. Show them some one detoxing, all of it. The most effective thing though is to show them how doing drugs will affect how they look. Show them the gradual change from clean and pretty to dirty and ugly drug addict. Vanity can be a powerful thing, use it. Let them know what they have to look forward to if they do drugs; the irrational behaviour, no money, no longer having a social life or friends, selling any thing and every thing for the drug, stealing, and the deterioration of body, mind and soul. You need to show them the truth and then hope it sticks.

Do not sugar coat the reality of drug use. Once you have educated your teens on the reality of drug use they will never go near the stuff right, nope. Most teens don’t think that any of that bad stuff is going to happen to them. They will only use it once to try it. The truth is if they use drugs once they will use again, no matter what the excuses they give they will be back. Some drugs have been designed to take hold of you from the first hit. They change your body so that you need the drug. You will always need it, even once you become clean.

Doing random drug tests at home help your teen say “NO”. It makes it easer for them to give a reason for not doing the drugs, a way out from peer pressure. It is much easer for a teenager to say, “I can’t do that or be in the room when you do it because my parents drug test me when I get home” then to say “No I don’t want to do that”. For the most part unless a teen is looking for drugs to escape their lives they appreciate having a way out from taking them.

So you talk to your teens, trust them and show that trust but still test them for drugs. Tell them that you test them so that they can say, “Sorry, cannot do drugs. I get tested at home.” Explain over and over each time that the testing is so it is easer for them to say no. Don’t stop testing just because your teen has passed all the tests, move to random testing. Yes it is expensive, but not as expensive as loosing your teen to drugs.

The real problem here is that drug dealers are marketing and targeting preteens and teens. Our kids and teens don’t even know that they are taking a drug. It is hidden in some thing the kids and teens like, and then they get hooked on it and still don’t even know its drugs. All they know is they want more of that candy, or drink their friend gave them. Some drugs are mixed in or injected into popular food items and then repackages often with special wrappers or packaging. We are talking about soft gums and chocolate bars that are injected, drug coated candies. We just had a problem this year in my area with Sour keys (and other sour candy) being coated with drugs and given to kids. There are even special suckers where drugs are mixed in with the ingredients when they were being made. It looks like a sucker, why would any one think it was not one. The dealer is not selling drugs to the kids and teens, but a candy that is special. Kids and teenagers become addicted to a drug they may not even know they were taking. Teenagers have an idea that they are buying drugs but can justify it in their minds because they are buying candies, not drugs. Drug testing at home can catch this.

The idea is to get children hooked on drugs early as possible, by any means, and then start making money from them. These days’ drug dealers have a lot of competition so they need to create a market. Then there are designer drugs targeted to look safe to kids and teen. Like the one that is mixed with sugar and food colouring so that it looks likes harmless candy, even though everyone knows it is a drug. Then there are the ones that increase your sex drive, or someone else, or just increase the intensity. Of course a teen is going to be interested in this. Teens also see all the advertisings for sex enhancement drugs on TV, so if it is ok for adults to take things to improve their sex lives, it is ok for them to do the same.

The truth is that we actually cannot stop our kids and teens from taking drugs if they want to. We can try to prevent them from taking them, or wanting to take them. Then we use drug tests to show how serious we are when it comes to drugs, but they only test for exact drugs. We can talk to them, reduce access to drugs, be good examples by not doing drugs, and monitor them. If they do start drugs then we do what it takes to get them off it. The sad part is that often kids and teens are getting drugs from the medicine cabinet in their own home, or can buy over the counter. They can even get other drugs online, all they need is access to a computer, a credit card or a Paypal account. That is very hard to catch. So your teen has some cold medicine and a couple of different containers of painkillers for headaches, backaches, muscle pain. Does that mean they are taking drugs? Possibly. These days there are some very powerful drugs available over the counter, and when taken properly are fine. You don’t know if your teen is taking a handful of mixed pills with a chaser of cold medicine as soon as they are alone, and they are not going to tell you.

Enforcing bedtime for your children

We spent years trying to get our son to go to bed and stay in bed. Every night we dreaded bedtime. We waited until he was so tired he would start to fall asleep or until he became grumpy we knew he was tired. Then tried to get him to go to bed and stay there. It would end up with me fighting a grumpy tired child. He was so over tired he was impossible to deal with or get to sleep. I was going out of my mind.

We tried every thing. Lots of physical activity so he would be tired, soft music, bath before bed, anything someone told me to try. Nothing worked. It all started when he was a baby and Dad worked nights. We all ended up being on the night shift. It was too hard so we changed to a normal day schedule. Our son was very resistant. A year latter he was still trying to stay up at night. He never wanted to go to bed. He ruled the house. We had not time for ourselves, and very little sleep most of the time. When his little sister was born we hit a breaking point. He would be up to 10 or 11 at night and she would be up at the latest 6 am.

The house was not a fun place to be. Every one was suffering from sleep deprivation. It took very little for tempers to explode over the littlest things. We were all impossible to deal with. It went from frustration to anger because he would not go to bed. It was a bad place to be. Screaming and time outs does not help get children to go to bed, it just made things worse. No one liked bedtime in our home.

I went to some parenting classes and what do you know, the most common parent issue was children’s bedtime. We were all going through the same thing; our children did not want to go to sleep. We found out that we did not have good sleep routines. We had to learn the importance of a good sleep routine. What we had was inconsistent bedtime routines the result were very frustrated children and parents.

We needed to have a consistent routine so our children knew what was expected from them, and had the security of knowing what was going to happen next. Routine means security to most children. So we had to set a bedtime routine. Turn the TV off, toothbrush, PJ’s on, story time, monster check, then into bed with favourite stuffed animal. We needed to do this every night at the same time. Our wants had to take second place to our sons need for a consistent routine.

It usually only takes a few weeks for the change to take place, for us it was months. We had to learn how to be consistent, some times it was just too much to deal with and we would slide back. It only works if the parents are both working with the same routine, both in time and activities. Other wise the child is still confused. Finally we learned and got our act together as parents. We started getting him to bed by 9 pm. Then we were able to move it back by about 15 minutes every few weeks. Both our son and daughter go to bed between 7 and 7:30 every night. The struggle we went through to build a good sleep routine paid off. It was worth going through a few weeks of stress to get a good routine established.

Tips on talking to your teen girl about sex

As a parent when I think about my girl as a teen and sex a chastity belt comes to mind. You know those medieval contraptions used by husbands going off on a crusade. They would put them on their wives, take the key and go away for a few years. Now I am not thinking about this to keep her from having sex, but to keep other people from having non-consensual sex with her. I figure that if I did my job right I don’t have to worry so much about her decisions but other people’s actions.

As parents we need to have the sex talk with our children, both boys and girls as early as possible. This way they will hopefully have a good idea of what sex is, what is ok and not ok, and the consequences like pregnancy, Aids and other STD’s. We cannot stop our teens from wanting sex, or even having sex. All we can do is try to make sure they make the best possible informed decisions. So how do we start the conversation?

There are a lot of ideas of how to start the sex conversation with your teen. Here are some different tips on talking to your teen girl about sex:

Let her know that you are there for her, and will be glad to answer any questions she has and then wait for her to come to you. This lets her pick the topic and the time. Only problem is most teen girls are not going to turn to their parents for answers about sex.

If your daughter is not a teen yet, start the sex talk by teaching the different body parts. Discus private parts and where babies come from. The earlier you start the easer it is to have the bigger sex conversations as she becomes older.

When explaining about menstrual cycle and what to expect include sex information. Discus how her “parts” work, what they are designed to do, and how and why people have sex. This is a great opportunity to have the big sex talk, and find out what she already knows, and what she has already done.

The best way to start a conversation about sex with you teen girl is to ask some questions or make some observations in a non-accusatory or non-aggressive way. Here are some examples:

When watching TV or a movie as a sex scene comes on, like kissing ask what she thinks about it? Has she kissed any one yet? Who would she like to kiss? Why would she like to kiss them? Does she know what happens after people kiss? This can open the sex conversation, or just help you have small conversations that give the information you want them to know or leads up to the big sex conversation.

When a commercial for contraceptives or safe sex products like condoms is on ask if she knows why people use them. What purpose do they have? Is it important to use them? This will give you the chance to discus consequences of sex such as pregnancy and STD’s. You may even find out she is using them. You can also fix some myths like using a candy bar wrapper is just as good as using a condom to prevent pregnancy and STD’s or that oral sex is not real sex, or that you can not get pregnant your first time. Awareness commercials for Aids are also a good way to start the conversation. Ask if she knows how people get aids.

There are some great talk shows like Dr. Phil and Montel Williams that cover sex topics. Watch them with your teen. Use whatever information or open questions on the show to start the sex conversation with her. Some times the show will do all the hard work for you. You may need to watch more then one show with different sex topics but it all helps. Find out what your daughter thinks about the show and the information given. Talk about what happened to the people on the show or other people you know.

When talking with her about her day or her friends ask if any of her friends are dating. Who she likes and if she has a boyfriend. This is a good way to find out if she likes boys yet, if any of them like her and how she feels about it. This is a good way to steer the conversation to find out if her friends are having sex, or what her friends have told her about sex. Very good way to find out any misinformation she has about sex and for you to clear it up.

There are some great story books out there that you can read as a story to your pre-teen or read with your teen that open the conversation about sex. It lets you be comfortable talking about it and hearing about it from your little girl. It opens the door way for the hard topics and questions; like how do you have sex, why do people have sex, does sex feel good, are you having sex (question for your teen), and what the consequences of sex are.

All these tips can be used to open the conversation. Make sure you have books or some thing to help you answer any questions or explain things. Have honest truthful answers and explanations ready. Give her real explanations about the why and how’s of sex. She cannot make good informed decisions if she does not have the right information. Sex is a good thing at the right time and place.

What we need to make sure our teen daughters understand is that teen boys and even grown men want to have sex with them. Yes even when a teen girl is only 13 guys are trying to get into their pants; they don’t just want to be fiends. For the most part teen boys and men will tell her what ever she wants to hear to try and have sex with her. Others may go a more direct rout, using drugs and alcohol to get rid of her inhibitions, and make it easer for them to convince her to have sex. Others will use alcohol, and drugs to cause her to be unable to fight them off as they rape her. If you are passed out it is kind of hard to say “NO”. Others will just rape, with or with out the use of drugs and alcohol. Our daughters need to know this, not some sanitized version of life. They must understand that this can happen to them, it does not just happen to other people.

We also need to build our teen girls self-esteem so they don’t need to turn to teen boys and men to feel better about them selves. Girls with low self-esteem often turn to sex to become popular and mistake the attention they are getting for love or as giving them value. Others with low self-esteem will let people treat them badly, even selling them to others for sex because they don’t think they are worth more or deserve better. We as parents need to do what we can to stop this from happening. We must let them know they are valued and loved by us, just the way they are.