Monday, February 18, 2008

How to gracefully end a bad blind date

There is nothing more fun or fearful then jumping into a blind date hoping to find Mr. or Mrs. right. You get to meet someone new and hopefully have a fun night out. At best you find that you like the person, and have an enjoyable time. If you are not a good fit then at least you get out of the house for a while, maybe you will end up with a new friend and have a nice time anyway. At worst you end up with a reject from "Who wants to marry a millionaire", or an escapee from the local psychiatric hospital and spend all your time trying to gracefully get away.

You want to gracefully end a bad blind date because chances are that they are a friend of a friend and as much as you don’t like them you are probably going to run into them again. You don’t want to be rude to your friend’s friend as it makes you look bad. If the person is a nut job you don’t want to give them a reason to be angry with you, or want revenge for some slight. Also it is always better to use common courtesy with every one you deal with, even if they made your evening Hell. Why because you never know when they are going to show up in your life again. You meet someone you really like, and then one of their friends or co-worker tells them about the date they had with you. Or they end up being a co-worker, or your boss.

First: When you set up the blind date, don’t try and go for the full date, dinner, movies or a show and clubbing. Instead make a mini date, with a preset time limit that is acceptable to both of you. You can try a lunch date, or just meet for drinks, be it coffee or something else, or even a dinner only date. It is much easer to change your plans and extend the date or make a second date if you like each other then it is to spend the evening with someone you would like to shot put into the next time zone.

Second: Make sure you meet at the place you are having the date so that you are not giving or getting a ride from your blind date. You don’t want to have to spend that extra time driving home with some one you don’t like; it was bad enough being on a date with them in public. Who wants to be stuck in a car for who knows how long with someone you just want to run away from. It is much easer to make a graceful getaway to leave for your car at a restaurant or coffee shop then it is at your front door. People tend to have expectations of a kiss or more at the front door, avoid being in that situation with someone you think is about as much fun as eating sand.

Third: When the date is over then you say, “It was nice to meet you, good by.” If they don’t take the hint and what to keep talking or what ever you tell them that because the date was just for lunch, coffee, or dinner that you made plans with your family that you just cannot change. This is a very good way to leave gracefully and not hurt any ones feelings. Just do not tell them you will call them or would like to spend time with them. If they do try to arrange for another date, or keep pushing for a phone call then tell them that you are just not interested in another date as you are not interested in the same things as they are, but would be happy to hang out with them with your mutual friends. Give them the idea that friendship would work, just not dating. This way if you are stuck in a social situation with them in the future it is easer to be polite with each other.

Fourth: Make sure that you have a friend or friends at the place of the date and if things get real bad you have a set signal that brings them over to join you. This is a good way to end the date. Suddenly you are not on a date anymore but a group of people hanging out. At some point you can tell them it was nice meeting them and that you hope they have a good night but that you have to go. This works great when you have a set time for the date because your other plans showed up. If your date wants to join you at least your friends can act as a buffer. If every one is lucky your date and one of your friends will hit it off. They end up happy; you get to be the one that got away.

Fifth: What ever you do, do not have sex with them just because the opportunity was there, you are lonely or you felt sorry for them. It is not worth it. That never ends well. Suddenly you are in a relationship, or have a very pissed off person gunning for you, or a stalker who thinks you are in love because you had sex with them.

Rule of thumb is to always treat people with common courtesy, and respect even when spending time with them feels like an eternity of listening to nails on a chalkboard. Make sure you don’t place yourself into a situation that is hard to get out of, be it a physical location, or an emotional one. If the date is not working, end it as fast as possible, but be polite about it.

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