Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Is giving up a child for adoption giving or selfish?

When my mother was pregnant she was told to have an abortion by her own family. When I was about to be born they told her to give me up for adoption. What was wrong? She was not married, so the solution was getting rid of the kid. For some people that is the quick and easy way to solve a problem. It is not an easy thing to do for some, at least not for that reason. Giving up a child for that reason is being selfish. Not being married is not why people give their child up for adoption.

Why do most people give their kids up for adoption? They are poor and unable to take proper care of their child and want a better life for them. The parent is too young to have a child of their own and no one to help them. The child is not healthy and the parent cannot cover the medical or the emotional costs, such as a child with Aids or handicapped in some way. Another reason is to protect the child from an unsafe environment, be it because of an abusive partner, or even being an unfit or abusive parent themselves, being on drugs or living an unsafe life such as prostitution. It is less selfish to remove the child and give them up for adoption then to keep them in that situation. If you cannot put food in your kid, or cloths on them, or a roof over them is it selfish to keep them or to give them up so they can have a better life?

There are some incidences were people can see giving a child up for adoption as being selfish. A person is finding it too much or too hard taking care of a child, or they just do not like having kids. Is it wrong for some one to recognize that they are not ready to be a parent, that they do not want children at this point of their lives? Is it selfish to have the child and give it up for adoption? Should they keep the child and feel resentful and angry about having a kid. To be honest I would much rather see the child going to live with some one who wants a child then to be stuck with some one who is just no capable or willing to take care of them. I have always had the opinion that if you do not want your kid it is better to give them up then to hurt or kill them. There have been too many cases of people killing their children so they could have a different life.

Abandonment is not ok. It is selfish to leave your kid alone on the street, or home with out any one to care for them, if you don’t want to take care of your kid any more do the decent thing and do it legal. Take the kid to children’s aid or who ever in your area helps kids. Give up your kids the right way. Don’t put them through abandonment but work with in the system to give your kids a better life.

The problem that happens is that people are giving up their kids after the cute baby stage. Damage has already been done if they cannot connect to the child. It is harder to find people to adopt non-babies. Every one seems to want the newborns, not the almost a teen. These kids end up in the foster system and even if they get adopted they end up with a lot of emotional baggage. It is better for the child to be given up for adoption at birth, but we all know life is not always easy.

It is selfish to keep getting pregnant and adopting the kids out because you don’t want to take responsibility. Go on birth control. Other people get pregnant just to sell their baby in the adoption market, to be taken care of when they are pregnant. They have the kid and go get pregnant again and again. I don’t understand how some one could do that, but some do.

So is giving up a child for adoption giving or selfish? Only the person giving up the child knows what their motives are. My opinion is that for the most part it is giving. If the adoption is ultimately best for the kids then it is giving and it does not matter if the parents reason was selfish or not.

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