For years I have been trying to improve my parenting skills. I knew I was lacking in them. I had poor examples growing up. So when things were hard I assumed I was doing something wrong. Or I should say: I could be doing things differently. I tried parenting groups and parenting classes. Some of them helped. I learned a lot. I tried to do most of it with little or limited success.
I tried harder. I asked for help. I asked Children’s aid come in help me figure out what was wrong. Well I was sent to a program called the incredible years. It was very help full and informative. But again I only had limited success. I had a very hard time connecting with my kids. I did not have fun with them. I did not want to play with them. I tried to explain what it was like. No one seemed to get it. I thought I was a bad parent because it was so hard. One lady told me at incredible year’s course, “You are supposed to want to play with your kids, what is wrong with you!”
The good thing was that I had asked for someone to come in and help me figure out what I was doing wrong. What did the home visitor from children’s aid tell me after months of coming over to teach me how to play with my kids? It was not me. Sure I had skills to learn still, but no I was a good parent. My kids were classified as being difficult. They directed me to a program called 0-6 at the Shedoks children’s mental health.
After months of observation it was decided to have my son looked at by a special doctor. Conclusion is that my son has ADHD and ODD. I cried. Not because I was happy knowing that there was a real problem and it was not my parenting. No it was because my son is going to struggle for a long time. He will have social issues and problems at school. He now has a label.
The good thing is that the medication he is on is helping him. He is now able to do school work. He is getting along with other children, and playing with them. His violence level has been greatly reduced. More important is that other children want to play with him. He is being included now, not feared and rejected.
For me it was a shock to find out that this is the way it is supposed to be. Not the stressed out unhappy child and parents. My son is fun to be around now. I love hearing what he has to say and what his opinions are. He is a different child. Still very difficult because of the ODD, but way better then the way things were. Now I love being around my kids and playing with them.