Sunday, September 13, 2009

My Father-in-law passed away today

My Father-in-law passed away today. It was not unexpected. But that does not mean we were ready. He had managed to surprise us over and over again, beating the expectations of the doctors. Surviving with cancer far longer than expected. My children are going to miss him and they don’t even know it yet. He lived half way around the country. We did not get to see him very often, but we tried to talk with him as much as possible. I don’t think they will understand why they suddenly will not even have that contact with him. It is something I will have to deal with as my husband will be leaving to attend the funeral and deal with his family.

I am crying, not for my Father-in-law, but for my children and husband who are now dealing with a tremendous loss. I am sure for my Father-in-law is in a better place. He had suffered enough. He had already let his wishes known. He had a do not revive request. He wanted to live but the quality of his life was not what he wanted. The pain was too much. My children have now lost the only Grandparent that has been a part of their lives. I do not wish to burden their young lives with his death. We will deal with it later in our own way. I feel sorry for my children because they will not have a Grandfather who loves them anymore.

My husband is dealing with anger and frustration from dealing with his family. His Father died today and most of the family only care about will they get out of it. My husband was asked to call his mother. Someone he has only spoken to a few times in the last 25 years. Like maybe three or four times in those 25 years. Her first concern was not that her ex-husband was dead and that her children were grieving the loss of their father. She wanted to know if anyone knew what was in the will. That was it.

I know this is going to be hard on my husband. His father was the only real family he had. He is already overwhelmed by the demands of dealing with his family. It is only going to get worse as he has to deal with more issues. As it is he and his brother already have to fight some of the family to make sure their Fathers wishes are followed. It is going to be harder on him when it finally sinks in that his Father is gone. There will no longer be any phone calls or way too many Christmas presents for the kids from Grandpa. That and more is all gone now. There will never be another gift under the tree from Grandpa again showing that he loves and cares about his Grandchildren and son. I think that is what I am going to miss the most, not the gifts but the demonstrations of love and affection given to my children and husband.

He was a good and kind man to my family and we will miss him. May he sleep in peace.

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