Cleaning Crew Cleans Out Valuables

A Father dies and the vultures move in and not all of them are family. My Father in law went to one of his sons homes and died in his sleep. When my Father in law died someone went into his home and stole all his military medals, right off of his dress uniform.

The only people with keys was a brother who was out of town and only just made it back in time for the funeral, the son who’s home he died in and the cleaning crew. The only people who had the opportunity to take the metals were the cleaning crew. They found out about the death and took what they could find that was easy to sell. The family knows other things are gone, like all the cash in the house, but only know for sure about the medals. Who knows what all they took. My father in law used to stash things through the house for safe keeping.

The lady who inherited everything is going after the cleaning company. All she cares about is getting the medals back. Sure they are incredibly valuable and most likely have already been sold but she wants them back because they very important to my father in law. I am sure the theft of the small things would never have been noticed with all the confusion. Taking the medals off of his dress uniform was going way too far. Again a case of those brought in to help someone helping themselves. I hope the lady is able to get the medals back. However, they probably were sold within 24 hours.

Trying to explain death to a four year old

Mom, when Grandpa died did he forget our phone number? Why can’t you call him? Did you forget his phone number? All you have to do is fined his phone number and we can talk to him. Why don’t you look for his phone number? If Grandpa forgot our phone number why can’t he write us? Is Daddy bringing Grandpa home with him? When can we see him again?

For a week know I have been trying to explain that Grandpa is gone. That there will not be anymore phone calls. My kids just don’t get it. Today I started balling as they tried to figure out why Grandpa cannot just pick up the phone and call them.

My son, trying to be helpful explained to his little sister that Grandpa did not want to die. But he does not really get it himself. He is the one asking if Grandpa forgot our phone number when he died. He also asked if people forget everything when they die. As if it was a video game where a person can die and come back and start all over again, or at the last level. Death is not an easy concept. He has this idea that Grandpa is going to be coming back.

My daughter has no idea. She thinks he is mad and does not want to talk to us. I keep explaining that Grandpa loved them but that he is no longer here. He has passed on. I keep thinking they get it but then comes another question. When can they talk to Grandpa?

I think it is time for me to go to the library and find some children stories about death and dying so that it can be explained to them in concepts they understand. Not that I expect to find children’s books about death and dying. That is something we try to protect our kids from, not expose them to it in stories.

The last laugh is on us

My father in law never updated his will. He though he had. He told everyone he had. He even told people what he wanted and who got what. I guess it was all the painkillers talking. In three years of having terminal Cancer he never wrote a new will. The old one is almost thirty years old. It does not include his children. It gives everything to his then girlfriend. Someone he has not seen in decades.

All the promises, plans, expectations and infighting were for nothing because he never changed his will. I feel really bad for everyone involved. Their Dad told them he was splitting everything evenly for his three boys. Now they get nothing, zero, zip. What a slap in the face. All the insurances he said he had, he did not. So now there are huge outstanding bills and fees to pay.

There is a lesson here. Update your will as your life changes.

Potty training regression

Lots of deep breathing!

I have to keep my frustration and anger in check.

My daughter was potty trained some time ago. Then she suddenly started peeing herself. It was frustrating. Why the sudden change. It was suggested she was under stress, or it could be a control issue, even an expression of anger, or a fear of the toilet flushing noise. There was the stress of knowing she would be starting school (JK) and her best friends moving way. We took her to the Dr. to make sure she did not have an infection. He had some tests and an ultra sound done. Her bladder is small and may not be able to keep up with her body. No explanation for why she was trained before and now is only trained when she wants to be. Her bladder was the same size then as it is now.

So we went back to pull ups. Only to have her not even trying to use the bathroom. She had a diaper on, why use the toilet is she could go in a diaper? Not the reaction we needed. So off come the pull ups, now we start the reminders and timers with no success. She stood in the bathroom doorway and peed on the floor, looking at the toilet. WHAT ARE YOU DOING! I don’t have a chair, couch, bed, rug or spot on the floor she has not peed on.

Now she has changed daycares and will be starting kindergarten next week. She regressed even more. It started at the day care. Two days in a row it was not pee but something even far less pleasant. Both days the daycare worker conveniently did not notice until I picked her up and asked her if she had not noticed the smell. All she had to say was that my daughter did not say anything. Then Grandpa died. Now the real fun begins. My daughter is not even trying to use the toilet. Lots of laundry, frustration and anger.

I am on my third straight day of dealing with a kid who just does not seem to care enough not to go bathroom in her underwear. Anger definitely does not work, nor does showing frustration, sadness or disappointment. Bribery, also known as positive reinforcement, is having no effect.

My husband said to just chill and give it time. She is just not handling things very well. Easy for him to say, he is not here dealing with her little surprises. I am under a lot of stress too, and this is not helping. I don’t get to be stressed though, I am a Mom and as a Mom I am supposed to suck it all up, deal with it and put the best possible face on for the kids.

They are asleep and I am stressing now, and letting it show, and your reading about it. I sure hope this little anti-toilet faze ends soon.

My Father-in-law passed away today

My Father-in-law passed away today. It was not unexpected. But that does not mean we were ready. He had managed to surprise us over and over again, beating the expectations of the doctors. Surviving with cancer far longer than expected. My children are going to miss him and they don’t even know it yet. He lived half way around the country. We did not get to see him very often, but we tried to talk with him as much as possible. I don’t think they will understand why they suddenly will not even have that contact with him. It is something I will have to deal with as my husband will be leaving to attend the funeral and deal with his family.

I am crying, not for my Father-in-law, but for my children and husband who are now dealing with a tremendous loss. I am sure for my Father-in-law is in a better place. He had suffered enough. He had already let his wishes known. He had a do not revive request. He wanted to live but the quality of his life was not what he wanted. The pain was too much. My children have now lost the only Grandparent that has been a part of their lives. I do not wish to burden their young lives with his death. We will deal with it later in our own way. I feel sorry for my children because they will not have a Grandfather who loves them anymore.

My husband is dealing with anger and frustration from dealing with his family. His Father died today and most of the family only care about will they get out of it. My husband was asked to call his mother. Someone he has only spoken to a few times in the last 25 years. Like maybe three or four times in those 25 years. Her first concern was not that her ex-husband was dead and that her children were grieving the loss of their father. She wanted to know if anyone knew what was in the will. That was it.


I know this is going to be hard on my husband. His father was the only real family he had. He is already overwhelmed by the demands of dealing with his family. It is only going to get worse as he has to deal with more issues. As it is he and his brother already have to fight some of the family to make sure their Fathers wishes are followed. It is going to be harder on him when it finally sinks in that his Father is gone. There will no longer be any phone calls or way too many Christmas presents for the kids from Grandpa. That and more is all gone now. There will never be another gift under the tree from Grandpa again showing that he loves and cares about his Grandchildren and son. I think that is what I am going to miss the most, not the gifts but the demonstrations of love and affection given to my children and husband.

He was a good and kind man to my family and we will miss him. May he sleep in peace.

Cancer, You don’t have to have it to be affected by it

I don’t have cancer but cancer has always been a part of my life. My Grandfather died of cancer when my Father was a young man. My Grandmother died of cancer when I was in my early twenties; she was only in her sixties. She was soon followed by my Father. He never made it to 40. That is how old I am now.

All my father’s side died young, and from cancer. My mother has had skin cancer and my step father prostate cancer. When my father died I was left numb. I did not feel any grief until a friend and co-work, who at 36 died of breast cancer. Now one of my clients, who I like very much, is under a breast cancer scare. She does not know yet, and is waiting on the test results.



Myself I have had two breast cancer scares, once in my twenties and another last year. My father in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer three years ago. So far he has beaten the odds. We are not expecting that to last much longer. My husband’s grandmother passed, and his father seems to be following her. He was hospitalized last week and no one expects him to leave this time. Though, he has surprised us all several times already. There is always hope.

I worry about my children. They come from two family affected by cancer. What hope do I have that they will not be reached by cancer? It has already taken so much away from them in terms of family alone. I hope it never actually gets hold of them, me or my husband. At times I comfort myself with the thought that they all died because they smoked. However that does not guaranty that they got cancer because they smoked. I don’t smoke and I am trying to condition my children so that they will not smoke.


Until tonight I never realized how much cancer has affected my life and how much it is a part of my life.

Dealing with the loss of friends because they moved

My neighbor moved and with her my children’s best friends. It was a difficult situation. My children are a bit too young to fully understand the consequences. We watched my neighbor’s children for three days as they prepared for the move and actually moved. My kids loved spending so much time with their best friends. They cried when their best friends drove away for the last time.
My four year old daughter has been asking to visit her best friend, a month after the move. She keeps going to the door and saying, oh they are not home. When will they come home? It would be easier if our neighbor followed through with her promises to both sets of kids. She told them that she would bring her kids to visit. She did not. She sent her boyfriend to pick up their mail from us instead of bringing her kids over to play with mine.

It would also be easier if they could call each other or even do video IM with each other. My neighbor is not interested in letting her kids do that. So suddenly the children my kids have been playing with for half their lives are gone. Now as a parent I have to find some way to teach them how to deal with this loss.

And it is a loss to them. It is not like they can get into a car and visit their friends. They cannot call them or visit them. They are just gone. We have talked about it. My oldest seems to be doing ok. I know he misses his best friend but we are hoping he will make new friends when he goes to grade one. My daughter keeps expecting her best friend to come home and play with her. I am hoping that going into JK will give her the opportunity to make new friends and move on. Only time and new friends is going to make this any easier on my children. Oh, and lots of hugs from Mommy.

Death and Family, Strange mix

Death affects people differently. Sometimes peoples true selves show up. Other times people don’t act at all like themselves at all. Those seen weak may be the ones that are strong and those seen as strong may be the ones who are weak. A death my pull a family together or rip it apart.

When my father died I did not even tell people at work. It was not a big deal to me. Even years later, I don’t feel much about it. I feel some anger and sadness but there was no real connection or loss. He was the last of that side of the family.

When my Grandmother died, well that was a completely different story. I still have anger that I did not get to attend her memorial service. My father was in charge of it and simply did not tell anyone about it. He took my Grandmothers ashes and dumped them in a rose garden. I don’t even know where. My Grandmother is someone I miss even 12 years after her death. I think about her often, and tell my children about her. She is truly missed.

My husband’s Grandmother died a week ago. He flew out for a week to attend her viewing, funeral and burial. He had not seen anyone in his family for almost 20 years. Strangely enough her death pulled the family together. They came from all over Canada to say good-by. There was over 200 family members directly related to her. She was their Mother, Grandmother or Great Grandmother. People who had not spoken to each other in decades mourned her together. It will be interesting to see if the closeness brought on by her death can survive beyond her loss.

What do you mean my son has ADHD and ODD

For years I have been trying to improve my parenting skills. I knew I was lacking in them. I had poor examples growing up. So when things were hard I assumed I was doing something wrong. Or I should say: I could be doing things differently. I tried parenting groups and parenting classes. Some of them helped. I learned a lot. I tried to do most of it with little or limited success.

I tried harder. I asked for help. I asked Children’s aid come in help me figure out what was wrong. Well I was sent to a program called the incredible years. It was very help full and informative. But again I only had limited success. I had a very hard time connecting with my kids. I did not have fun with them. I did not want to play with them. I tried to explain what it was like. No one seemed to get it. I thought I was a bad parent because it was so hard. One lady told me at incredible year’s course, “You are supposed to want to play with your kids, what is wrong with you!”

The good thing was that I had asked for someone to come in and help me figure out what I was doing wrong. What did the home visitor from children’s aid tell me after months of coming over to teach me how to play with my kids? It was not me. Sure I had skills to learn still, but no I was a good parent. My kids were classified as being difficult. They directed me to a program called 0-6 at the Shedoks children’s mental health.

After months of observation it was decided to have my son looked at by a special doctor. Conclusion is that my son has ADHD and ODD. I cried. Not because I was happy knowing that there was a real problem and it was not my parenting. No it was because my son is going to struggle for a long time. He will have social issues and problems at school. He now has a label.

The good thing is that the medication he is on is helping him. He is now able to do school work. He is getting along with other children, and playing with them. His violence level has been greatly reduced. More important is that other children want to play with him. He is being included now, not feared and rejected.

For me it was a shock to find out that this is the way it is supposed to be. Not the stressed out unhappy child and parents. My son is fun to be around now. I love hearing what he has to say and what his opinions are. He is a different child. Still very difficult because of the ODD, but way better then the way things were. Now I love being around my kids and playing with them.

Miss the Mist if you can

Over the years I have seen some bad movies. The Mist Directed by Frank Darabont ranks up there in my list of worst movies. There is just something wrong with this movie. It started off pretty normal. An us against them movie. There is something out there that has us trapped and it wants to eat us. A bunch of people are stranded together and try to survive. Decedents occurs based on people’s dislike of each other and their own fears.

Then the movie starts to become uncomfortable. Not because of gore or violence. Though there is some. No it is the way the people are. How they talk to each other and react to things. People kill themselves. The relationships are not “real”. The plot line is off track and unpleasant. There was only one character that I “liked”. It was the store employee who almost makes it through the movie. He bands together with the main character against the mob mentality. He was the only likeable person. Also one of the few that had much character development.

To be blunt the ending sucks. The movie was not so great, but the ending just kills any positive thoughts I could have had. Sure the SGI was well done. But then what movie in the last year has not put the effort into the SGI work. To me it was a B movie hoping people would not notice it was. It needed a better story line or interaction between the characters to pull me in. Then it needed to something positive going on. It did not. Everything was negative and getting worse. There were no endearing moments.



It did not even feel as if the movie was trying to capture your attention. It was trying to be different and disturbing. All it did was make me dislike it. I did not read the book beforehand. I was not even sure what the story line was before I watched it. It was suppose to be a physiological thriller. It fell short. If you have the opportunity to watch The Mist, miss it. Not worth the bad taste it leaves in your head. Any movie that has the main character kill his son and the other survivors’ moments before rescue is just wrong.